I feel so lost. All I can think about is making it one more week until a certain event passes and then I just want to end it all. It consumes my thoughts. I am constantly anxious and depressed with a huge ache inside of me. I am numb, yet I feel everything at once. I have been to the hospital once before, and I have a feeling I need to go back, but I am terrified. I don't want to. I keep telling myself to wait until the event passes and maybe it will all go away. But I don't know anymore. I find myself getting excited when I think about dying, that's not normal. I don't know what to do. I am so lost and have never felt more alone than I do right now.