I first off wanna say thanks to everyone for supporting, you guys are a great community. I really have been going through it. One of you guys asked me what where some of the thoughts that I was having, when I posted my last post, so here’s a little insight. Lately I have been feeling completely and utterly worthless and without purpose, and I have been thinking back on what some people that I used to really care about have said to me.
I remember in another post a little while back I talked about how I have been losing people left and right since the beginning of the year. Now it’s gonna sound like a bunch of petty drama but this is real stuff for me, serious stuff that at times, have made death seem more appealing than life.
At the beginning of the year, I had my first break up, which hurt but it wasn’t as bad as it could have been seeing as we didn't get sensual. Even tho my ex cheated on me I cared about him and agreed to be his friend, until he became verbally abusive. When ever I was at a depressive low I would talk to him, and he would tell me to just end my life already, or that if I felt that I wasn’t worth anything that it was probably true, and many other nasty things. In February things started looking up when I entered a new relationship. Then they went back down hill again, in March.
I lost one of, if not the closest friend I had, later on my parents disapproved of my relationship and made us break up, of course I secretly still was with him. Then my second closest friend left me, and took most of my “friends” with her. Aside from one who switches between us, what’s the point of have a friend if they can’t always be there? Soon after that something happened to my boyfriend, he tried to overdose and was hospitalized, his mother took away all his contact from me and everyone else, online. (That’s not gonna help but whatever😒) I found out he lied about something’s, but we all lie, and he is mentally unstable. I know I have to be careful, but if I don’t love him who will? And plus he is really wonderful to me. Right now though, we aren’t able to contact one another and I don’t think we will be.
A lot of people say nasty things to me, cause I’m nothing like ur average girl. And because of my mental health complications , my thoughts tell me lies that I believe. And we all know it’s easier to listen to negative than it is to listen to positive.
Thank you guys once again if you made it this far, so sorry for typing so much