#bpd

[MYNN]

You have been unconcerned, unattached, and uncaring long enough!

How can I possibly be invisible to you after giving you so much?

Can’t you see my chronic overwhelming psychogenic pain?

There’s a magnanimous canyon growing out of loneliness inside me.

Your insensitive hurtful words,

Your piercing scornful glares,

Your constant refusal to take notice

have abrasively eroded all the protective layers I once had.

My afflictions are undeniably exposed, but you dismiss them.

I know my soul reveals long narrow crevices that make it hard for you to reach me,

But you don’t have to take the maze of gorges brimmed with emotional scars

That easily connect with my previous pain.

“You’re seriously overreacting!"

These things happen to everyone!”-- You say.

My fragile existence flickers

dangerously on and off because of your blatant disregard for me again.

You don’t understand my chaotic dichotomous nature!

I am the damsel in distress and the big villainous monster all in one.

You fear me, you criticize me, and you abandon me

When I need you the most, but I'm the one who's not mature.

How could you have allowed me to become so unimportant to you?

This unrequited love fills the emptiness in my heart with never-ending hopelessness,

And then echoes hellish messages from its bottomless oblivion.

It’s so excruciatingly painful, I feel numb!

I’m lost in my own confusion and deceived by my perceptions.

Our realities collide.

And, you won’t come to my rescue.

I don’t have the will power to deal with your neglect and alienation.

Stop seeing me as the origin of your pain,

And I’ll stop seeing you as the origin of mine.

I’m sorry that I hate you because I love you.

Why won’t you love me back?

[Michdau1]

That has a lot of depth and is very emotive ❤️ I felt lots of different feelings reading it. It's amazing how something so beautiful can come out of something so cruel XXX

[MYNN in reply to Michdau1]

I've cursed my luck many times for having BPD. But, BPD has allowed me to feel ten times more deeply which makes me feel grateful instead.

[Michdau1 in reply to MYNN]

I love your attitude ❤️ My 1st ever post on here said how I try to look at the positives of anxiety etc when I can. It gives us empathy and patience towards others. We just need to be kinder to ourselves XXX

[MYNN in reply to Michdau1]

I love what you said, "need to be kinder to ourselves."

I tend to forget that when my mind is ruminating painful moments. How do you stop your mind from ruminating?

[MYNN in reply to MYNN]

How do you shift out of it? I ask under the assumption that rumination happens when you have PTSD... Doesn't it?

[Michdau1 in reply to MYNN]

Thanks. Lots of positive self talk and self soothing x

[MYNN in reply to Michdau1]

Do you also have BPD?

[Hidden]

So, where did you find this?..

[MYNN in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for the compliment. I actually wrote it.

I've changed it three different times. I'm dealing with something similar to a breakup. Each time I meddle with it, it becomes for personal to me. Basically, these are the things I wish I could have told him before he left.

Do you also have BPD?

[Hidden in reply to MYNN]

That's great..and well written..Do you write much?..rejection?..Ok..What if he did you a favor..but regardless, its all about you now..now..not then, nor future..now!..oh I see, yes you have edited your post..

[Michdau1 in reply to MYNN]

I don't have bpd. I have PTSD, OCD, anxiety and depression x

[MYNN in reply to Michdau1]

Oh. I see.

[MYNN]

I made some changes... It has shifted into something more personal to cope with rejection from the guy I was seeing. I hope it sounds better.