My first posting here. I will soon be 65, but for years I've suffered with something called guilt. Honestly, I do believe that if you carry around guilt it's a doorway to on and off depression and anxiety sometimes. My thoughts are from my younger days, the things I did, the things I said I wish I could now undo, but I can't. I miss my departed family members so much, sometimes I cry. I wish so bad to just be able to say to them I'm sorry, and to tell them that now, all these years later, I understand better and realize things differently. When you are young, words and actions come quick without too much thought. I now live alone, and I live alone with my thoughts about days gone by. I had a quick temper, always thought I was right, and was able to brush off many things without feeling badly. Now today, as I grow older, things come into focus as I look back. It's not bad all the time, but sometimes these feelings of guilt can really take hold and bring you down.
Difficult to write this: My first... - Anxiety and Depre...
Difficult to write this
Hi.
I’m sorry to hear of your struggles.
Regrets are awful things to bare.
I’m glad you were able to write it down.
I find it helps to write it down. So although it was difficult to share your feelings. Well done to you.
You don’t deserve to struggle and feel so down.
I’m sure we all have regrets around things, especially when we were younger and had no life experiences. I know I do ...
Sending peaceful vibes to you...you are not alone
🌺🌺🌺 x
Olivia40, thank you so much for the uplifting reply. You actually put it in a great way, "younger and had no life experiences". All these years later I now have plenty of experiences with life both good and bad. It sounds like you have a good understanding of these types of thoughts and feelings. Again, thank you
any time..it’s true 😊Be kind to yourself, in the knowledge we live and learn.
And we have learnt
Good wishes xx
So sorry you are in a bad place right now but guilt is a big part of depression and it magnifies everything.
Have you seen a doctor or on medication or having therapy?
Good luck and please don’t be so hard on yourself 💐
Hi Bird-67. No medication and no doctor. I sometimes think of it as "my cross to bear" for my younger misgivings. I have a son and daughter, and at times I tell them to always think about their actions and words,especially with their mom. We are divorced but remain good friends now, and I always try to help out there where I can. Both children are grown but still live at home with mom,along with 2 grand children. I visit quite often to just help out with different chores because my ex-wife has very bad knees.
I think it takes a big hearted person - yes you - to acknowledge their role in the past. There is no magic answer but you could put your thoughts on paper. Write a letter addressed to the person / people (I know that may seem strange at first) say what you are sorry about maybe also refer to any good times you can think of and then burn those letters. And remember you are wiser now how you approach people now would make your departed loved ones proud.
Good vibes to you.
How true, absolutely agree with everything you have said.
Hi fauxartist. Yes, I realize I cannot change things, but sometimes when I'm alone here I think back about my parents, grand parents, aunts,uncles that have passed and I get really sad, sort of like when I hear a song on the radio that takes me back. I really miss those days of youth, as I guess a lot of people do when they start to get older. It's not like I did anything terrible, more like I was a spoiled brat kid who always wanted to have his own way when younger. Later on in life with my parents I always thought I was right and sometimes showed little patience, especially with my dad, who was an alcoholic. I just wish I could go back and show compassion because of his struggling addiction. My parents finally divorced and my mom also sometimes had guilty feelings about it all.
You know mourning the past is hard; what you could’ve, should’ve, would’ve done. I’m 55 and I see my kids having kids. My grandma told me if I regret yesterday I’m literally tearing scabs off of surgical scars. You did the best you could on the day you did it with the skill set you had at that time. You can’t take what you’ve learned now from it and apply it to when you hadn’t learned it. Mourn what you’re hurting and feel you missed and move on speaking your truth of today. This was very brave. Impressive. Thank you for sharing.
Hi Neuronerd. Thank you for your wisdom. I try today to be the person I should have been yesterday.
I understand. You can do this. I played a bad first half too.
hi im sorry to hear of your struggles the older we get the more we ponder on lives choices we made some good some bad.i made the wrong choices for nearly all my life and regret a huge chunk of my past.i too wish I had the chance to say sorry for the things I done but like you they have departed.i regularly go to the graveyard and I will say sorry for my regrets somehow I feel at peace with life so that's how I go a lot.
Hi kenster1. Thanks so much for this. Seems the older we get, those of us with regrets or guilt realize differently as time moves on. As I mentioned in my opening post, I've suffered and struggled with on and off guilt for many years, I was in my 30's when I suffered with anxiety and panic, and it was then that I started thinking differently about many things, wishing I could change some of the things I did and said in the past.
Your honesty shows your character now. You show remorse, regret, and a changed heart and mind. That's wonderful! It seems you were a different person in your youth.
Writing down our past regrets and asking for forgiveness can sometimes eliminate our guilt. Forgiving ourselves is sometimes harder than asking other for forgiveness or forgiving others. It seems like you are on the right track.
Please keep posting.
Hi SuZQ154. Thank you much for your kind reply. I was very strong headed and strong willed in my youth, patience was something I lacked along with understanding and true compassion. It's just a sad realization that it didn't have to be that way if only I would have done "this" or said "that". With age comes wisdom. With one of the greatest relatives in my younger days, my aunt Ann, when I would get upset with her, she would sometimes say, "One day, you will miss me". With all the powers on Heaven and Earth I wish so bad sometimes that I could tell her just how right she was.
I don't know if you are a person of faith but I am and I know we are so connected to our loved ones even when they die. They do watch over us and pray for us and I know they have already forgiven you because the place they are at, it is so easy to let go of their pain and be forgiving but you need to forgive yourself and I really think it's important to you to ask for their forgiveness. So when you are ready, say a pray and ask God to let them hear your pleas and also ask God to accept your humble forgiveness. After your prayer, pour your heart out to any and all your family members and say everything you need to say and I guarantee you, they will hear you and in the end, you will feel it and you will be released of the guilt!
Hi Queenskooter. Thank you so much for this moving reply, actually brought me to tears again. I have lost count on the times that I have asked for their forgiveness, it's just that it really deeply hurts because I wish so bad they were here again, going through the ups and downs of life, especially as the years go quickly by can really throw you out of whack as you have more time to think and dwell on both the positive, and negative. I have told my son and daughter many times to be thoughtful in what they say and do, with telling them of my remorse when I was young, and just didn't understand things then as I do now. I told them of the guilt that I now feel, and with trying to make them understand, I guess I'm trying to shield them of their own future feelings so they might not suffer with guilt. Now I completely understand that in the course of life, with human nature as it is, nothing will be perfect on a daily basis, that is to say, life and circumstance happen, no one is immune to the human emotion be it positive or negative day to day. But, honestly I do feel somewhat relieved telling them, or at least trying to tell them to just be a better person and to just think a little bit when those negative days come around. As I have previously mentioned, with my aunt Ann(Annie), her words ring now with me more true than ever before, when she would say the phrase to me "you're still young yet, when you get older you will understand". It's the same with my grandparents, other aunts, and uncles and on and on, also my departed parents too. If one suffers with anxieties, or depression, these thoughts can be devastating. Queenskooter, you, along with everybody else that has replied to this thread of mine, are a good soul. Sometimes I wish I lived close to these great people.
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