My perspective becomes off so that its difficult to tell what is the truth of what really needs to be my focus. Im always ready to jump as if a horrible event is going to be taking place. The ocd is bad right now, with fixations and intrusive thoughts plus the depression make everything seem tainted and wrong.
The anxiety makes me worry about future events and the way i look etc even when i can recall that on good days these types of things turn out to be fine... but I still worry...I have bad panic attacks where I feel I will faint and sometimes i dont drive because of it. I become fearful of the thing I imagine I am missing. No matter how much work i do or thinking I do I feel its not enough to fix things.
I have bipolar and ptsd. Im a mom of 3. I help take care of my mom who has Alzheimers. I used to love creating art. I sometimes still love running.
Mindfulness meditation, deep breathing and exercise helps sometimes. I try to distract ... i need to learn to stop beating on myself...
And sometimes I live passionately but mostly I feel like its so hard to want to live at all, hoping, waiting to be able to be free finally, maybe only after this life.
Thanks for listening