HI this is me right now

[Starrlight]

My perspective becomes off so that its difficult to tell what is the truth of what really needs to be my focus. Im always ready to jump as if a horrible event is going to be taking place. The ocd is bad right now, with fixations and intrusive thoughts plus the depression make everything seem tainted and wrong.

The anxiety makes me worry about future events and the way i look etc even when i can recall that on good days these types of things turn out to be fine... but I still worry...I have bad panic attacks where I feel I will faint and sometimes i dont drive because of it. I become fearful of the thing I imagine I am missing. No matter how much work i do or thinking I do I feel its not enough to fix things.

I have bipolar and ptsd. Im a mom of 3. I help take care of my mom who has Alzheimers. I used to love creating art. I sometimes still love running.

Mindfulness meditation, deep breathing and exercise helps sometimes. I try to distract ... i need to learn to stop beating on myself...

And sometimes I live passionately but mostly I feel like its so hard to want to live at all, hoping, waiting to be able to be free finally, maybe only after this life.

Thanks for listening

[gogogirl]

I know what you mean. In the mean time, it's probably us who are doing it to ourselves.

[Starrlight in reply to gogogirl]

Then I suppose we may need to make more of an effort to think positive and be grateful and stay in the present. But I believe what we think and do are only part of the reason for our illness.

[gogogirl in reply to Starrlight]

Well okay.

[Windy101]

Starlight, are you getting treatment? Maybe it's time for a check-in with your doctor. You've got a lot on your plate with your family and taking care of your mom. It's understandable with all that stress it could make your symptoms worse. Maybe your doctor can help.

[Starrlight in reply to Windy101]

Thanks Windy. I am on meds and am in touch with my psychiatrist and therapist. I feel that I need to practice trusting that things are okay when my thoughts try to tell me otherwise. Its a challenge.

[Windy101 in reply to Starrlight]

I understand!