I'm new to this

[Tiffa]

Hi, Just stumbled upon this forum. It's comforting to know that I am not alone. I have been experiencing anxiety and depression since I was 12. It's been a rough ride. Sometimes there are good days and other times I wish I didn't exist. Any words of encouragement?

[healthy3]

Not sure if you're still online. This is just too horrible for words

[healthy3 in reply to healthy3]

I'm also trying to cope and stay positive. We need each other

[Lyssakate]

I hope you end up seeing this since it looks like you're not online anymore.

Depression is extremely hard to cope with and mental health can be tricky, so I'm sorry it sounds like this started at a young age and is not resolved in a satisfactory way now.

I am a firm believer in using medication and therapy hand in hand as treatment. Do you have healthcare? If you are not seeing someone already, I would speak to your GP about a referral to a therapist. Once they have seen you a few times, they can send a recommendation back as to if they believe you need medication as well. You do not deserve to live like this. You deserve help.

As for right now, remember that this is not your fault. Depression is a disease and when you have a bad day it is not because you are weak or not trying hard enough. Give yourself permission to take a mental health day when you need it, and set the expectation with loved ones that sometimes you might need a short break to "recharge" so to speak.

Try to identify why you're feeling down right now; Is it stress at work? Relationship problems? Or is it just general depression without a catalyst?

If it is something you can control, like a work deadline or housework, try coming up with a realistic plan to tackle the issue - the key word being realistic. Know your limits and respect them, even if sometimes you wish you could do more.

If it's general depression, give yourself permission to stop and deal with it. Do something that always makes you feel good - even if you don't want to get out of bed, find something like a show that makes you laugh or a book that you love. Focusing on yourself and only yourself for a few hours can be surprisingly helpful for depression.

This is very long, but I hope it helped. Feel free to message me or reply if you'd like to talk more, I'm studing to be a peer counsellor and I can help you work through this if you like.

[plzmybabies in reply to Lyssakate]

those are some good ideas, you could help me. I just don't know where to begin, every one keeps telling me baby steps but I can't seem to even do that, I've been stuck for so long, I don't even know my strengths and weaknesses anymore, I feel like I am just existing.

[Lyssakate in reply to plzmybabies]

I know how you feel, I really do. Everything has piled up so much that's it's overwhelming you and you feel like you're drowning. But I promise you can get out of it. The first step to getting out of a hole we've dug is to stop digging.

You said sometimes there are good days. That's a good sign! If you don't mind me asking, how supportive is your family? It helps to have people who understand how hard the first step can be.

First thing I'd recommend other than calling a doctor: remember that baby-steps really do mean BABY. Start with the smallest things possible:

- How's my hygiene? Am I brushing my teeth, looking presentable for work or school? Am I showering on a regular basis?

- Am I eating 3 meals a day?

- Am I sleeping 8-10 hours a night (and no more?)

- Are my minimum responsibilities being met, like caring for the dog or going to work?

If all of these are a yes, let me know and we can talk about bigger stuff. But if any of those things are getting ditched when you're down, start there. Make yourself a bare-bones schedule of only things you HAVE to do in a day like that, and when you accomplish all those things each day give yourself a HUGE pat on the back! That's what baby steps are - it's taking everything away and starting from the ground up, and still being able to be proud of yourself because you know you're getting better.

I'm really glad you responded. This is a wonderful community and we care about each other. There are a lot of people like me studying to be therapists or counselors and there are lots of treatment plans that can help. If mine doesn't, I won't have hurt feelings. It's just what worked for me

[plzmybabies in reply to Lyssakate]

basics for my kids are being met. For the most part the dog is being cared for, the house isn't only bare minimum. I have been showering once a week and brushing about 2-3 times a week. I don't work and it seems like I just wait all day for the kids to come home, do homework then they are off playing Xbox and the computer so I don't know why I want them to be back so badly. My husband is here but we don't talk, he doesn't understand anything and if I try to talk all we do is argue. It's hard

[Lyssakate in reply to plzmybabies]

Well it sounds like you have a good personal foundation then. If you don't mind me saying so, it sounds like marriage counselling might be something worth looking into, but right now it's more important that you get healthy and happy in your own life.

It sounds like your kids are at that age where between school, video games and extracurricular activities it feels like they're getting more and more independent every day - which means you have a lot more free time these days. That can be scary if we've spent the last few years of our lives focused on raising the family and not spending a lot of time on ourselves.

I'm not your counselor, but if you're up for trying something this might help. Pick a day next week you know you'll be free during the day while the kids are at school. We need to find who YOU are again. What makes you happy? What makes you feel fulfilled and appreciated? Your sense of self has gotten a little lost, and I think your depression is tied to that.

So on this day, I want you to pick something to try. If you can't get the energy or motivation to leave the house, it can be as simple as binge-watching a show you've never watched but you think you'd really like.

If you've got a bit more energy, reconnect with an old friend you miss for coffee or shopping. Try to remember the last time you were truly happy on your own, without your kids or husband. What were you doing?

If you trust me and give it a try, I'd love to hear how it goes.

[plzmybabies in reply to Lyssakate]

thanks so much, I did try marriage counseling for about a month and it didn't work out well. The counselor said he is to stuck in his ways. I almost lost him last year due to illness and for 5 months he was in the hospital. Short version of story. We don't have a good relationship

I do like your suggestion of finding myself, I am going to use it and I will let you know

[Tiffa in reply to Lyssakate]

Thanks Lyssakate

[Tiffa]

I've been feeling stuck lately, nothing seems to work out. My family doesn't know about it, but I have a boyfriend who is supportive. Sometimes I feel like I'm bringing him down with all my sadness. It's very hard to get a job, and it has been a sore point for me. It takes a lot of energy to stay positive these days.