I thought I had found a new medication that would help me be motivated and have some energy and possibly participate in life. Well, the "miracle pill" lasted 9 days. I finally had hope. This morning I woke up in despair, can't stop crying, ready to give up. I sometimes relieve stress by cutting, but I don't think even that would help. I have absolutely no one to reach out to. I have severe social anxiety and sometimes weeks go by without even stepping out the door. I am 64 and so tired of fighting the thoughts in my head. I know that there is no cure for depression and I have been dealing with it since childhood. Any time I let anyone now about my depression, they always say how they are my friend and that I can call them any time if I need to talk. Every single time, every time, EVERY TIME the "friend" sees any symptoms, they run the other way. People cannot see my illness. I wish I had cancer. At least I would have people around so I wouldn't die alone.