About to Give Up

I thought I had found a new medication that would help me be motivated and have some energy and possibly participate in life. Well, the "miracle pill" lasted 9 days. I finally had hope. This morning I woke up in despair, can't stop crying, ready to give up. I sometimes relieve stress by cutting, but I don't think even that would help. I have absolutely no one to reach out to. I have severe social anxiety and sometimes weeks go by without even stepping out the door. I am 64 and so tired of fighting the thoughts in my head. I know that there is no cure for depression and I have been dealing with it since childhood. Any time I let anyone now about my depression, they always say how they are my friend and that I can call them any time if I need to talk. Every single time, every time, EVERY TIME the "friend" sees any symptoms, they run the other way. People cannot see my illness. I wish I had cancer. At least I would have people around so I wouldn't die alone.

10 Replies

  • Mazy,

    Did something just happen that you decided to write this morning?

    Did you have RX for the pills or were they a suppliment you bought?

    You are not the only one that has this depression and wants to hide. Particularly at this age if you have no children or are not married.

    As this is Satutrday where I live, mant offices are closed. I amdefinitely not going to preach to the choir, but can you lookupon the internet or the phone book for social services of a similar site that might have a network where someone will call you daily to see have you are doing?

    It is a very first step to creating a support system. Or even call the help or crisis line and just let them know you are looking for something like that.

    We can't change people, but maybe we can change where we look for people who won't "run" when anxiety or fear or depression hits us.

  • Especially at my age, don't you think I have explored every source there is for crisis intervention and/or venting to release the negative attitude thoughts? As far as the Rx, I only take my medication as it is prescribed by my doctor who has been treating me since 1986.

    As for my support system, I see my doctor every 2 months and I go to therapy every week. If I am feeling hopeless and can't get a hold of either of them, I decided to join this website as an immediate stress release.

    I have a saying that helps me a lot: don't find excuses, find a way.

  • Hey, we're in the same generation, and of course I thought you had tried other resources to start building.

    But as you said all your friends leave when your anxiety shows up, something's not working and maybe you were trying to start over again, and having a call each day from some one who cared might be a good start.

    Did not mean to under estimate your efforts.

  • Sorry I was a little snippy, that was my very first post. You are right, it would be nice to have someone care enough to check on me every day. What I have learned today surprises me. I corresponded on this site for 3 1/2 hours today. Not only did I get caring responses, I feel like I may have helped someone. It felt very safe to be totally me and not have to put up a front. I am pretty sure I will make some friends here. I hope so.

  • Hi, Mazy~

    Groups like this are here to support those of us who have little, if any, outside support from others.

    And I also have experienced "friends" who say, "Oh, well, call me anytime that you need me," but then they disappear. I've concluded that these are people who truly don't know what to say, and they don't want the responsibility of helping someone who might be in a crisis state. It can be terribly frightening for someone who is "healthy," who has no experience with being in a state of anxiety or depression, to help someone who has a mental/mood disorder.

    Now that you are in this group, hopefully you will find some support, and at least some assurance that you are not alone in your distress. I'm new to this group, but already I'm finding some comraderie here with other group members. I hope you find the same.

    Bright Blessings to you.

  • This was my first post, and I was not sure this would help. I am very glad I got to chat with several people. I am very comfortable and encouraged to find sincere comfort and share that with others. God Bless you too.

  • I know your pain I have my good days and my bad days a lot of my anxiety attacks I thought were heart attacks in the beginning because of the physical symptoms I was always having (heart pounding, dizzy, impending doom feeling, breathing difficulty) but after years of having them and talking to doctors and therapists I realize now when I have them they are just anxiety attacks but they can be very scary for sure if you don't know what it is in the beginning. I hate taking RX meds too so it's a double edge sword, I feel like I trade one problem for another when I take the pills the doctors give me and all the side effects that come with them. To be honest I have been using medical marijuana for the last few years and I feel it really helps me and doesn't have near as many bad side effects. I know it might sound crazy but look into it and try a sativa strain it really helps with mood, anxiety and depression. But use a low does if you never tried it before

  • Hi Mazy, I’m new here and though I don’t have depression my kids have... and what I do know is the struggle to find motivation to stay alive and functional. My kids use music as a pain relief and to seek some joy, you tube also helps them to find silly stuff to bring happiness. Please don’t give up.

  • Thanks for the encouragement. I am finding that this website is going to be a way to vent when I can't get in touch with my doctors and I need immediate crisis intervention. If I can talk with someone for 5 minutes, that keeps me from stressing more and going in a downward spiral. I also find music and youtube very therapeutic. Sounds like you are good dad and are active in your endeavor to make them as happy as you can.

  • Glad to hear you find this website useful.

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