New and very down

[mira99]

I lost my love to another in August last year it was a rollercoaster relationship but seemed to get better and better then I found out he was with someone else and left, then my dad became very ill and although I never got over my love, my life became caring for my dad he lost his fight with cancer and my love came back a week later he said he made a mistake he loved me and always has he was perfect supported me and it seemed so good I was happy even though I was grieving, 7 weeks in he started to pull away and a silly argument and disappeared again and blamed me of course there was someone else again. I know he is not for me and I need to feel grateful that I can see that and never let him back into my life again, but it’s 6 weeks and I can’t seem to pick myself up and get out of this or stop crying I have tried exercise was going 3 hours a day and never felt a bit better initially I couldn’t eat and lost 2 stone now giving up smoking, dad died of lung cancer and I promised him and can’t stop eating and put on a stone, so back to being obese. I have a noose tied to my stairs ready and a note as I can not see how my life will ever improve if everyday I wake up crying and it’s a successful day if I don’t cry in front of people I am due to start a new job i am very successful career wise I never had children though which I think is part of the problem I think you become part of a community if you have children, i am in my 50’s I have no one I miss my dad, but I miss the love I thought I had more, I think I can carry on then remember how wonderful he was to me and how I felt when he held me and I can’t carry on in a world that gave me that but only for a few weeks that was so so cruel like kicking me when I was already down

How do you make yourself want to carry on

[Hidden]

I'm sorry you have been through so much. For me it's my child. I keep going for her and my husband. I love my job too so that helps.

[mira99]

Thank you Melhall I am glad you have someone/something to stay for x x x

[Hidden in reply to mira99]

I hope you stay for yourself and your dad. I know he's no longer here but he would want the best for you.

[eribet]

Necesito ayuda !!! Please

[Magicdreamer]

I feel compassion for you. Sending love and a big, warm hug. Xxx

[Hidden]

Hi Mira,

Have you sought professional help for your depression? Having someone to share my thoughts with has been a lifeline for me. Have you seen a doctor about possible medicines you can take that might help?

I do not have children either or pets (unless you count the wild cat I feed and try to pet ) But I am ok with this.

Best regards

Greta

[mira99 in reply to Hidden]

Hi I have tried to get dr appointment but can’t get in, I thought I was doing ok but things have got a lot worse in the last two weeks also have contacted steps to well-being but heard drugs are not always great so not keen on going down that route l am taking it minute by minute and I am really trying to fix myself really I am

Thank you xxx