I have struggled with depression for about forty five years. I am sometimes amazed I made it this far. I joined the navy. I would advise anyone who suffers from depression to think real hard before signing up. I once contemplated jumping into the Pacific Ocean in the middle of the night, a thousand miles from nowhere. That was 1977. I started college after getting out. I never did well in school through to the twelfth grade.
I was tested in the fourth grade and evaluated as borderline gifted. Found out only later in life that my mother concealed from me a diagnosis of ADD. I graduated from college nineteen years after graduating from high school. My grades were like a roller coaster. I graduated near the bottom of my class. During my second year at the university I was contemplating jumping from the roof of the engineering building. That was 1992.
In 2003 I got caught up in some whistle blowing when I was teaching computer aided design at a very corrupt for-profit trade school. I was fired, they got away with it and I was looking at throwing myself in front of a train. I stopped looking for work, sold my house and used the funds to buy a shack in the desert of rural Nevada. I spent a year writing, drinking, smoking pot and trying to avoid hanging myself.
The last five years have been the longest depressive episode of my life, though not as severe as my time in the navy, or my “walkabout” in the desert. Many of the current triggers are age related. I have had a lot of jobs, most of them were challenging. I quit my last job because I was getting very depressed by my own poor performance caused by declining memory. That was kind of long, but I think I may be one of the older people in here.
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POST 3: DO I HAVE FAKE FRIENDS???
New at this looking for help
Learning disabilty and having trouble in school. 
