nothing goes right in my life.

[Deepoceanic]

I recently broke up with a guy I only dated for 7 months because he cheated on me and the worse part is he blames me for his mistake. The funny part is My mind tells me he is right that it is. I haven’t had many relationships but they have all ended badly like this one. My stupid mind keeps telling me I deserve these things to happen to me. I feel like there isn’t a guy out there who will ever like me enough to care, let alone love me the way we see it in movies or those rare couples I see in my own life. I know it exists, I just don’t think life has that in store for me. I only have myself to blame because I knew from the beginning he would hurt me but my self-sabatoging mind made me go ahead and say yes. My mind is always looking for ways to put me down, I am just tired of the battles in my own head sometimes. If anyone reads this sorry it’s so long but I have been holding on to these feelings for a while now and thought writing about them might help.

[Hidden]

I totally get where you're coming from.

I stayed with a guy for four and a half years and always knew it wouldn't last, yet, I stayed with him. I stayed with him because I just didn't want to be alone, and I had no one else better than him in my life to hang around with. I had to finally end it because I was living a false life. Even though my life isn't where I want it now, at least I know it's more real than what it was then.

[jkl5500]

Low self-esteem is a standard symptom of depression. I hope you are under treatment for this illness, so you can get back to where you belong in life.

[Hidden]

Hey there,

I don't know the dynamics of your entire relationship, but the most important thing that stands out is....you aren't to blame for his cheating. That's a relationship no-no. Even if he had disconnected from you emotionally, the right thing to do is communicate that. At no point is it your fault for his lack of self control. That's on him to say, "No, I am interested in you, but I am currently in a relationship that I need to either correct or move on from." Not, to you, "Look what you made me do!!" He did it and he should own it. Speaking from just my own personal experiences (as a guy), not many relationships end splendidly. Very rarely did I move on from someone and it went fantastic. It hurts; even more so when someone has trampled on trust, emotions, and time spent. It isn't fair, but it just primes us better for what we're seeking. This guy is not what you're seeking.

Your mind is feeding you the wrong things right now and it's likely due to some acute depression...if you aren't already depressed (just assuming it's a possibility since you're on here). Realize these thoughts are not accurate and that you are not to blame. It sounds like the relationship just wasn't meant to be...and maybe your brain saw the logic, but love isn't always logic. You took a leap of faith and it didn't work out. That's totally okay and I am sorry you're hurting. It's time for renewal and to feed that brain some more confidence. Movies and some couples may show one aspect of a relationship, but I think most are distorted beyond reality. There's no doubt on several things: you deserve to be loved and treated as such, you do not deserve to be cheated on, and you can find these things.

I do hope you find what you're looking for and, instead of looking at this as a horrible self-loathing mistake, try to see it as a learning point. He's one you can cross off the list...or guys like him with tendencies like him (not just the cheating...but definitely no cheating). It already hurts enough so try some self-love and kindness as you work your way through this. Look at this as an opportunity for a better shot at the things you desire in a relationship. The excitement of meeting that person...and on and on. Grieve, forgive yourself, be kind, and when you're ready, move along. Don't let his mistakes dissuade you. Best thoughts and wishes; I'm sorry you are dealing with this. There is light on the other side and hopefully a better relationship when you're ready to take that step. Take care and don't forget to be kind to yourself....truly...you deserve it.

[Deepoceanic in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for taking the time to give me advice and support. 🙂

[brownkvnb]

It’s not you. There is just a lot of asshole men out there; mind you, not all.😁

[Hidden in reply to brownkvnb]

Lol, yes, this is extremely true. Unfortunately I'm among their camps, but I cringe when I hear things about cheating and so on.

[hypercat54]

Hi you are never to blame for someone elses mistakes so put the blame firmly where it belongs - with him! It sounds like you are well out of this situation and you do deserve better. x

[Deepoceanic]

Thanks everyone I really do appreciate all the support from you guys. Yes I am dealing with anxiety and depression like most on here. It’s harder to deal with life when you already have a messed up mind.

[scientician]

I have a tendency to accept blame I don't deserve. Looking at things from the first-person perspective with a depressed/anxious mind skews your view. It sounds like you know and understand this. It's good that you can see how depression lies to you, because you can kind of step out of the problem for a moment challenge those thoughts.

As someone outside your situation, I can tell you plainly that you are never to blame when someone cheats on you. Veritas has it right. Your ex made the choice to do it, and it sounds like he knows what he did was wrong, but knowing you would accept the blame, foisted it on you. Don't take it. Whatever pain you feel from the loss of your relationship (and I'm sure there is plenty), don't compound it with guilt. It's on him. He hurt you.

I wish you all the best as you try to heal from this relationship. Good luck!