Harassment

[Sugar66]

Hey everyone. I just saw my therapist and am really depressed. I am once again being harassed by two of my neighbors. I have asked them not to speak about or to me so why can’t they just leave me alone? I mind my own business and live well. I hate gossip and they live for it. My doctor told me they are pathetic and to just ignore them. I wish it was winter again so I can just hide away in my house. So sad and depressed

[sweetiepye]

People bully because they can get away with it and as there is two of them they probably give each other false courage and you get to be their victim

The only thing you can control in this situation is yourself, so you must act as if it doesn't bother you and do not respond to them. If they know they have upset you ,they will never stop. They want a reaction so give them none They will try and draw you in but be strong and pretend they don't exist.Pam

[Sugar66 in reply to sweetiepye]

Thank you so much for the advice. I do not talk to them. I just try to live my life the best I can. That’s why this hurts so much. I never did anything to them. Thanks again!

[sweetiepye in reply to Sugar66]

I'm sure you haven't done anything to deserve this kind of treatment. People who bully have something wrong with them, who knows what, but you can't change them just avoid them. I'm not sure about the lawyer's advice. I would ask your local police if there is anything that can be done. Maybe a warning, do they threaten you at all? If you are afraid or feel threatened they might be inclined to give you some support. Do any of your other neighbors have a problem with these two. Sounds like they need to get a life. Pam

[Hidden]

Honestly, one of the things that gets people back who harass you is to act super happy. Like, 1. They have no right to harass you. 2. What are they harassing you about? I had a neighbor who’d go outside and yell crap every time I played basketball, so I started waking up early and playing basketball at night to annoy them lol

[Sugar66 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I will keep a smile on my face. I did consult a lawyer and he said they can say anything they want to. This is America we have free speech. I don’t know where to turn.

[Hidden in reply to Sugar66]

What did they do to you? I’m not a lawyer but I make a good friend ❤️

[Sugar66 in reply to Hidden]

I was friends with them 5 years ago but all they do is gossip and drink so I decided they are toxic people in my life and I started distancing myself from them and they didn’t like that so they turned on me. They tell new people that move in that I’m a bad person so they don’t talk to me. Stuff like that. If I sit out on my patio to get some sun they walk by and make comments like we should get her kicked out of here.

[Hidden in reply to Sugar66]

That’s horrible. Good for you for weeding them out! If people are going to judge you without meeting you, they’d have no value in your life. I say throw a party... invite the people you love. Sounds like you have something those idiots don’t have... and one of those things is a good head on your shoulders.

[Sugar66 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you

[Hidden]

I totally get what it’s like to have bullies. what I learned was that they ‘want’ you to react and get you down to their level. they can gossip and yell all they want, if you don’t react and blow them off, they eventually get bored trying you. just remember their opinions don’t matter and they’re just childish jerks that don’t deserve your time or energy.

[Sugar66 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. You made me feel better!

[Hidden in reply to Sugar66]

no problem, i’m glad.

[Hidden]

I have a rented flat above mine, a young woman with an 8 year old who has no bedtime and runs around on the wood floor like a maniac, last night it was 11.20 before she went quiet. I feel so depressed this morning and was awake 4.30 because I don,t sleep very good. I hate people. I live outside London uk

[Smartmam]

It is sad. People will never change. You will rise above all this. You have taken the first step by keeping your distance. Just think dogs are barking outside and around you. Just ignore them. You are much better person with feelings. You don't want to become a dog like them.

They will bark and bark. They will get tired and disappear. They will find another target.

Be strong.

[Sugar66 in reply to Smartmam]

Thank you!

[Want2BHappy3]

That doesn't make sense harassing you just to harass you? Sounds like your leaving something out? Are they adults?

[Sugar66 in reply to Want2BHappy3]

They are in their sixties but act like they are back in high school

[Sadanxiousspirit76 in reply to Sugar66]

Are they in the same apartment building as you? Do they have parties? If so, do they make a lot of noise? If so, make noise complaints. I'm sorry you are going through this. I don't like people who gossip. It's actually part of the reason I left my last job! And shame on the people who listen because it shows they probably gossip too, or don't have a mind of their own. I know it bothers you, but ignoring them is best. Look at yourself in the mirror and practice two types of faces. One is a stone face. A facial expression that says " Don't f*** with me!". Another is a Joker face. A s*** eating grin and laugh meniacly. I know it sounds a little immature, but it's hard to mess with someone who does that. It's worked for me! Just an idea. I hope things get better for you soon!

[Emmlish]

Oh god, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Also how they talk about you with others and change their opinion about you without you having a say in things. I feel for you, I know how hard it is.

[Hidden]

Yes I have a similar situation here.

Used to sit and have a coffee in the communal garden with the neighbours, like you I realised they were toxic, they talked about everyone so I distanced myself...they really didn’t like me distancing myself and now they are a nightmare...I’ve done nothing wrong other than not sit with them anymore, which is my choice...this has gone in for a couple of years and some days I don’t go out because they are in the garden it’s hampered my recovery somewhat....

Dare I say, It is getting slightly better the more they realise I don’t sit there anymore..I act in a rush when I can face walking by and just wave..it has taken me along time to be able to do that

Your not alone...good wishes xx

[Sugar66 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. That makes me feel better

[Hidden]

Hey Sugar, I'm really sorry to hear about this. Yeah, unfortunately as you mentioned, what they're doing is protected free speech in the States. That said, try not to be depressed and let these people be the difference between a happier you and a more depressed you. I don't want to get into name calling, but I will admit: they sound sad, toxic, lacking a real life, and live to just slander people to feel better about themselves. Like your doctor said....it's pathetic, so try to move beyond them. If you cannot physically move away, you're likely stuck dealing with it. I think a lot of the advice you've received is good: be happy, merry even, and don't let their chats worry you. The little I know of them already paints a fairly poor perception and their opinions are likely equally poor. No need to hide away in your house, that is a short-term solution. Try to live your life and not let these dopes have any part of it or your time. "Oh, hey Shelia, I hope you're doing well, I have an appointment to get to. Take care." Or..."Oh hey, Cassandramanda, I'm very busy tending to my garden and have a lot to take care of. Maybe we can catch up another time. I do hope you're well, take care." You leave them no fodder other than you have things going on and they are not included. Let them talk....and let it roll off of you if it concerns you. They're two sad people who lead a sad life chattering negatively all day. That seems like a really lousy life. I hope you're able to see their opinions hold no weight....their opinions and thoughts of you do not matter. Enjoy life and perhaps move on to a better neighborhood when circumstances allow to a more positive experience. In the mean time, try to create as much of that experience in your life as you can. I wish you well and, truly, don't let these two get you down.

[Sugar66 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for your help!

[ge99]

Always a good saying to remember in these situations, "those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind"

When you moved away from them they had to question their own behavior and they didn't want to do that, so they got angry and made you the bad person. The only way you can overcome this is by not giving them the satisfaction of knowing they are affecting you. It is bullying behavior and we all know that this is toxic and it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Walk away with your head held high and say "its them not me, I am fine and good people will find me soon enough, and I will be happy until then"

Best wishes to you. X

[Yellowleaves]

Do you have to interact with them at all? I'd just pretend they don't exist. Don't give any the power to control or affect your mood or your life for that matter.

[Cyh8513]

Hi I live in an apartment complex and people talk shit about me all the time.

I just keep to myself and ignore their BS.

Misery loves company and they're miserable.

So I can kind of relate to you.

Have a good day hugsss

[EEMO]

Pray for them.

[marheart]

Do what you can to focus on yourself. Put on a happy face and ignore those neighbors.

I know, easier said than done!

[Sugar66 in reply to marheart]

I will! Thank you for your advice

[countryboy1]

Boy do I agree with your therapist. Ignore them completely and enjoy your life. Do you have a deck or a porch? Early one morning get a cup of coffee or tea and sit out and enjoy yourself, bask in the early morning sun. Let them gossip and you enjoy your life.

[Sugar66 in reply to countryboy1]

That sounds good. I have a fenced in patio. I will do that! Thank you

[mvillarreal]

How serious is it? Have you considered reporting them to a non-emergency police number?

[P1987]

Have you thought about getting the authorities involved? I had the same issue when I lived in an apartment above a woman who felt she needed to yell at everyone who passed her apartment down the steps from mine. Every time I came or left, she would shout out profanity or try and start arguments. I reported to the management of how tired I was about her constantly doing this to me and my children. After a short time, I called the police, not 911, the non-emergency number and they came and talked to her and told her if they kept getting calls they were going to slap her with fines, public nuisance, which they are being and it is interfering with your life and it is affecting your health. I cannot believe that these old people are doing this to you and acting so immature, it is obvious that they are the ones with the problems and have nothing better to do than to make one's life miserable. By the way, the woman who kept harassing me, she was given the pink slip four days after the police delivered a report to the management. I win! I don't put up with anyone harassing my children.

[Sugar66]

I’m so glad you received a happy result! I did report them once when my lawyer was involved and that’s when I got the This is America we have free speech. They can say what they want about you. I told him i considered that harassment and he said it’s he said she said. Very hard to prove. That’s when I started totally ignoring them. But thank you for your advice. I appreciate it

[lorianxiety]

hi Sugar66,I live in the Uk and have received similar treatment ,but people are people whatever part of the world ;Yes ,it was horrendous inasmuch as it caused a lot of anxiety and felt uncomfortable as what they were targeting was my sexuality and as I live in a flat with 90 other flats in close proximity it was exactly the same older residents poisoning the minds of others …..Don't let them win ,and try to ignore them and retain your dignity.We are not in this world to be judged by others as they'r attitude is always toxic and gives off the wrong vibes----stick to those people who are capable of having good intentions and not gossip-mongerers .IM LOTS older ,but im sensible ,and try not to mingle with those who are undesirable,im an open-minded ,caring person ,but thes people are stuck in their ways and wont change---keep your distance and above all keep smiling and enjoy your piece of privacy regardless,all the best .

[Sugar66 in reply to lorianxiety]

Thank you so much! Your message made me feel so much better. I will keeping to myself and keep smiling. I do have my dignity and self respect. Hope you have a good day and take care♥️

[lorianxiety in reply to Sugar66]

Its good to vent our feelings,as its harmful to bottle things up,I guess that's why people have therapists in USA,not readily available here in UK and those (counsellors )that are ,are usually charge and its quite costly for the average working class person.So feel free to vent anytime...

[QuintaNaRoo47]

When neighbors harass me I call the police and file a report in case I have to go to court to prove my case. I live in a bad place surrounded by lowlifes and criminals.

[Sugar66 in reply to QuintaNaRoo47]

Good idea! Thank you