my life is great so whats wrong?

[mom_teacher_artist]

I have great kids great partner great job. I have a great band. I draw. Im in recovery groups and I have a connection to a higher power. So why is it I wake up feeling like I'd rather be dead every day? Sure Im medicated, in therapy, working through that childhood trauma... But most days are just sorta a dark cloud I have to wade in. And if someone gets a little unhappy with me during the day forget it. I lose all sense of grace. Is it because Im a people pleaser? I go to hard and do too much? Maybe Im not doing my life's purpose? I know I cant stand rest beyond the required 7 hours, if I lay awake too long, the depression overwhelms me. I stay busy so I can hide it, for fear I may fall apart. Ive spent many times in a mental ward and I don't want to "go crazy" anymore. Im scared. Im lost. Gods too quiet sometimes, I overeat, I yell, I hide from friends and family. I shame myself. It doesn't ever seem to get better. Does it?

[Agora1]

But it can and does get better as we learn to love ourselves. May sound corny but it is

the #1 priority in feeling happiness. If we aren't happy with ourselves than anything

we have will not achieve that happiness. There's a restlessness and sadness that we

can't get back from others that eats away at us. We can't hide forever from our feelings.

We need to dig deep within ourselves. Something is missing, that one piece of the puzzle

in order to complete us. We can't shame ourselves or look down upon ourselves. We

need to believe in who we are and why we are here. Being a people pleaser isn't bad,

most of us on here are. You are scared and you feel lost because you have no direction

in life right now. I've been where you were at and when I was in the psych ward, I used

that time to work on me. I had all the comforts I needed and yet there was something

deep down missing in me. I worked hard to get where I am today. That's why I can tell

you from experience that it does get better. I'm glad you are here with us. xx

[Stilltrying_ in reply to Agora1]

Wonderful advice Agora1. You have lived it I can tell and I think you have said it all to this respondent.

I am trying to get to that place you mention. Here's hoping. Gemma x

[Agora1 in reply to Stilltrying_]

Thank you Gemma, yes I have lived it. It was quite

a learning experience but I'm in such a good place now.

Wishing that for you as well my friend. xx

[pianoplayer90]

I'm sort of not really in a position to give advice today, but I did want to extend some warm regards to you and hope that it does get better.