Tired

[Destiny8277]

I’m tired of being depressed. Daughter passed 5 years ago. Divorce after 24 years. Therapy , meds. Nothing helps. Panic attacks .Lost my job a month ago after 4 years. I can’t even say I know what happiness is anymore. I push everyone away. Walls are high so I can’t let anyone in.

[Kat63]

You’ve been through a lot of bad stuff. Try to be gentle with yourself, and keep coming back here.

[Destiny8277 in reply to Kat63]

Thank you. I will. I just feel lost.

[aykraz]

I feel that too Destiny. I lost my Dad a few years ago and I feel a huge part of me was taken, my personality, feelings toward other people. I just don't think anyone loved him like I did, nor did they appreciate him. My Mom wanted a one day funeral,visitation and everything in one day. You've gone through a whole lot. I don't think I could be as strong as you were. I think you are a lot stronger than you think you are. I've had major depression for going on 20 years now and developed severe anxiety about 4 years ago, around the same time I lost my Dad. No therapist or doctors have ever been able to help. I'm not getting any better. The only thing that helps me is to keep busy. Keep so busy I don't have time to think. I developed severe panic attacks several years ago to where I can no longer drive on Freeways. What meds are you on? I tried almost 20 different meds and combination of meds over 20 years I finally ended up with Remeron. It is/was the only one that relieved my depression and severe anxiety. Then severe anxiety struck again about the same time my Dad passed away and I've not been able to kick it. You've been through a whole lot more than I have, so I still think you are much stronger than me. I wish you the best.

[Destiny8277 in reply to aykraz]

I’m so sorry for you loss. I lost my mom. I don’t feel

Strong. Not at all. My kids do but understand why I feel

The way I do. They just say. Get over it. It’s hard after being with someone 24 years. And losing a daughter. I can’t really remember what real life and happiness feels like. I wish I had a button to stop pain, anxiety.

[pianoplayer90]

I'm sorry for your loss. To lose a daughter--I can't imagine.

[Destiny8277]

Very hard. Next month will be 5 years. Seems like yesterday. After that my ex changed. Not for the better. On a bad road himself. I know I don’t need to be on that with him. But all the loss has been hard. Trying to figure out my purpose. My other children are grown. My grandkids and the kids keep me going. But I’m not going to lie. It is a struggle. I feel as if I am a burden. They need to live and be happy. Not worry about me. I don’t go any where. Work. Vacation once a year. I have trust issues from the ex doing what he did. It’s all so much some days. I want to feel normal.

[sadsally9871]

I’m so sorry you’re going through all this ): you seem like a genuine kind person. Life always seems to take the best ones too young. I can’t imagine the pain of burying a child. But I’m sure she wants nothing for you but happiness & to watch over you

[Destiny8277]

She struggled. Her fiancé passed. Was so hard for her. She tried to hang on. Just was to much losing him. I guess she felt the best thing was to go when she did . I know she is watching over all of us. But our hearts hurt so much. One day we will see each other again. I miss her so much. I k ow now how her heart hurt losing her fiancé. It is sometimes unbearable.