Urgent please help!

Hello I’m writing to you in a very difficult state not even knowing how to deal with how I’m feeling. It feels like I’m hopeless my base thoughts are horrifically dark for example. When you think about your siblings coming home or parents you think about talking to them my underlying thought is they’ll find me dead by hanging and all this horrible stuff like I think about talking to a therapist and them in the future telling a story about me and how I killed myself I’m so scared that I'm not she’d help please

[kittenkisses91]

Deep slow breaths. Whats making you feel like this now?

[Hidden in reply to kittenkisses91]

It’s been happening for a round a couple of months I really don’t know how or why it started my dad thinks it’s due to my poor sleep pattern and being unemployed therefore not having much of a routine

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for responding by the way

[kittenkisses91 in reply to Hidden]

Not having a routine can mess me up and make me more depressed. My sister is always telling me to stick with a routine, get up, get dressed, etc... have you ever sought medical help for your anxiety?

[Hidden in reply to kittenkisses91]

Yes I’ve been through therapy for panic disorder and it worked very well I no longer have panic attacks however I still worry irrationally I’ve been offered pills but haven’t not yet felt like I need to take them

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I’m so sorry to hear of your struggles as well

[kittenkisses91 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. Medication may help you or maybe going back to therapy would help you manage your irrational thoughts. I am in therapy right now for help with irrational thoughts as well. I also take medication to help me.

I'm glad therapy helped you so much that you no longer have panic attacks! Is it nighttime where you are? It is where I am. I find that sleeping and getting a good nights rest helps you wake up in the morning with a new perspective.

[Mumma_h]

Hi bengdmmn, have you been traumatised in anyway, or even something as simple as watched a movie that's traumatised you? It sounds like you have a fear of hurting someone, when that isn't your intention at all, or have you been told you've hurt someone and that has traumatised you ? Or maybe someone has made a comment that your depression has upset someone and your mind has translated it into my family will find me dead and I will hurt them deeply by finding me. I too suffer with fear of hurting someone, like accidentally saying something mean or rude when I'm a very loving person and care so much about others. At times the fear has been terrible and overwhelming so I completely sympathise with you . I was in an abusive marriage so everything I did was wrong and I think that's where mine comes from also my mum yelled at me a lot and would go on and on and on about what a terrible thing ive done, when looking back it was just something small like if I spilt something by accident when I was very young . I'll say a prayer for you , because living in fear is just soooo horrible ❤️

[Hidden in reply to Mumma_h]

Thank you I am very appreciative of the prayer it means a lot. Well I’ve never been diagnosed with depression if anything all my doctors have said I don’t have it I just over think. I did have an acquaintance ego unfortunately took his own life and that has seemingly had a profound affect

[Mumma_h in reply to Hidden]

So sorry to hear that, that's just awful and a lt to deal with. Not surprising it has affected you!!! Maybe you heard how devastating it was for the family or who found them and it's stuck in your mind because it is such a dark and horrific thing. I pray these thoughts leave you alone and are replaced with thoughts of all the good things you are to your family 🌈❤️

[Emmlish]

Oh those intrusive thoughts... they are horrible. I feel for you. I would suggest meditation... as daily practice, maybe just ten minutes every morning. This really helped me over long term.

[rsherma in reply to Emmlish]

I have been there too. Meditation really does help me. When I don't do it, I feel myself getting "stuck" in my thoughts.

[Emmlish in reply to rsherma]

Yes, absolutely. It's sad that our brains have these unhealthy habits, but let's accept it and do our best with it. Meditation as a routine practice is great for dealing with it.

[rsherma in reply to Emmlish]

Also, we tend to love our "good" qualities and "hate" our bad qualities, when in reality, we should love all of our qualities because they are a part of who we are. I read an interesting quote the other day: "we need to treat ourselves the way we treat someone we love." I know I don't always do that...

[Emmlish in reply to rsherma]

Yes it's so hard. But thank you for reminding me of that, to treat ourselves as someone we love, I will focus my energy on it tonight.

[Fearofit]

Please speak to someone ASAP. Don't harm yourself. Let someone know what your feeling. Talk to a therapist now!!!!

[rsherma]

Hi Bengdmmn,

I have been here, and honestly it still happens. Here is the best way I can explain it: If there are thousands of people who have similar thoughts (which there are hundreds of thousands with similar thought patterns), then these thoughts are not your own, but simply the mind. And the reason they bother you so much is that they are in direct conflict with your core values.

In truth, you don't really don't want to hurt yourself, but the thoughts pops into your mind and it REALLY bothers you. I have been here a couple of times in my life. Here are a couple of helpful tips:

1. time heals all wounds: things will get better and this thought pattern will go away

2. find something to put your focus on: this could be a new hobby like artwork or learning a new skill like computer coding, or some sort of fitness goal (this worked wonders for me)

3. Meditation: be open to this idea. It really does help. It calms the mind down, and also teaches you to accept these thoughts simply as brain hiccups vs. something you want to do

4. spend time outside: go for a walk by the water, read a book outside, go for a run. Anything outside

5. Drink Herbal tea: if you drink alcohol in the evening, switch it out for some sleepy-time tea (you can buy at any grocery store)

Best of luck on your journey to accepting yourself and your anxiety.

[rsherma]

Also, I do think your parents are somewhat right. A routine does help keep the mind busy.

One other thing that might work: list 5 thoughts each day that you want to think about yourself and/or the world and others. Example

1. I am calm and peaceful

2. Even though I had that thought, I love and accept myself

3. I am extremely healthy and happy

These are great instead of:

1. I hate myself

2. why is that thought in my head?