I am hurting

[Dhl5]

I have depression. Right now I am thinking suicide and I have thought about it for the last 27 yrs. The reason I have not killed myself is I am afraid of death, I don’t want to leave my animals or my kids but I think about it. I am lonely, every time I turn around, something happens and I am overwhelmed.

[Hopelessly]

You are stronger than you know. You are finding reason to not grow through with it. Just try to remember I know sometimes it can be hard but you are important to people out there. People who love and care for you. And I think on a deep level everyone is scared of death, we are always afraid if the unknown. When I'm in a bad state I think about it to I just remember to not act on like I did in the past.

[Tired1717]

I agree with Hopelessly. You've fought hard to live every day despite the pain. And that takes courage. Sometimes simply getting up every day takes real strength. So know you are STRONG. You are a strong and beautiful person. And your life means something. It does. Even when it doesn't always feel that way. Find things that bring some calm to your mind or u simply enjoy. With depression I get its hard to enjoy anything. Or find the energy to do it. But if u can try to find something. Notice what helps best for certain feelings. I know when I'm angry and ready to break down in tears screaming at God I need to leave the house. I have to run or play basketball. I have to move until I'm too tired to be angry anymore. But I know that doesn't always help when I'm feeling sad or even suicidal. For that I pray. I listen to music. Write my own songs. Paint. Hug my dogs. Make tea. Clean maybe. Whatever works for u. What stuff do u do for yourself? I know u have kids but do u take time out for u? Maybe something new? I've decided dance classes may help me. Maybe u can find something to take up. Maybe it's worth a try. But if u r feeling like really really bad and need help NOW. Then please reach out to one of the hotlines. The suicide hotlines or the hopeline or 911. Call family or a friend or a close neighbor. Please get help. I'm here if u need to talk. And don't forget to go to God. He knows your pain more than anyone besides yourself. So he knows what u need even if u dont. It's always worth a try. To talk to him.

[Dhl5 in reply to Tired1717]

Thank you. I horseback ride. Right now my horse is being ornery and I haven’t been able to go for a ride.

[quitter333]

why?

Suicide sounds kind of counter productive.

Try doing something valuable other people are afraid of doing. After all - if you really think you are ready to waste away your meat robot machine called body, perhaps at least spend the rest of life doing good?

[hypercat54]

Hi this sounds like suicide ideation to me. I have this and always think when I have something that I can't deal with, well then I can kill myself. It's due to lack of coping methods. Are you seeing a counsellor as they can help with this. There is hope out there so take it. x

[Dhl5 in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you.

[JkBrauer]

Hello DhI5

I am sorry for how much your depression is hurting you emotionally.

There is a verse in the bible that has helped for many, many of years and it continues to help today. It is Phillippians 4:8

"...Whatever things are true whatever things are noble, whatever things are right, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are admirable- if there anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.

Take one topic at a time and think about it for a week and see how many things you can come up with. I.E. "what is True? Truth is factual/ real..." What is true, factual, real in your life? "what is noble? Noble is fine, quality, beautiful... " What is noble, good, fine, quality, beautiful? "what is right? Right is just, true, fair..." What is right, just, true, fair...? "what is lovely?" Lovely is beautiful, caring, gracious, compassion, sweet... What is lovely, beautiful, caring, gracious, compassion, sweet...? " what is admirable?" Admirable, looking up to or forward to...What is admirable, looking up to or forward to...? The same with Excellence and Praiseworthy... hang in there!

[Dhl5 in reply to JkBrauer]

Thank you. I love the verse.