I have life threatening chronic illness. I'm trapped. Nothing I do,no matter how hard I try, it's not good enough. I can barely live a normal life each day. Some days being alive is so painful that I'd rather not be. I try with every ounce of my being not to give up. Just keep going. Just get through it. Today I spent in the emergency room for 7 hours.... 7 hours and they couldn't do anything to help. I haven't been able to eat more than a spoonful of rice for 3 days and I'm getting scared. I don't know what to do. This what I'm writing ...this very disorganized and probably the worst thing I've ever written.. but I don't care. I just want to feel better. What I have is rare and incureable and I'll probably die soon if things don't improve. That's ... That's the harsh reality I want to ignore. And if my illness doesn't kill me young I'll live my life in physical agony.. one doctor after another telling me the same old thing. "There's nothing we can do." "We can't", "We don't feel comfortable taking you as a patient"...."I'm sorry but this is just how it is for you." They don't understand what it's like... They have never experienced how it feels to have a fucked up heart and everything else. They are just doing their jobs and when there arnt enough inpaitent beds for everyone .... I have to go. If you weren't meet me in real live ...if you were to know me in person you would say this sounds nothing like me...so pessimistic and hopeless. I can't always keep up that happy go lucky positive front ok. Not when I'm stuffed in an ambulance and hooked up to called and tubes and wires and monitors for hours wondering if the pain will ever ease... Will it ever go away. never knowing if this will be the one that finally does me in...I just want to live.
I wish it would all just go away - Anxiety and Depre...
Anxiety and Depression Support
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