I'm new here and looking for answers or someone who understands

[cloudyskies22]

Hi. I'm coming here to say some things that I can't or don't really say to most people in hopes of not feeling as alone anymore. I've struggled with anxiety and depression for about 6 years now and there have been a lot of ups and downs. For me, my anxiety kind of takes over and drains me mentally and physically and later morphs into full-on depression periods. I have been seeing the same therapist for about four years and I love her, but sometimes when I get too comfortable with people or believe that they think of me in a certain way, it's sometimes hard to be completely honest. Frankly, one of the hardest things for me to do is, to be honest with myself. I am currently in school and have great friends, but again it's hard for me to be myself sometimes. I'm not the only one out of my friends who struggles with anxiety and depression, but for some reason, I always feel like the odd one out and I have my entire life.

I guess I just came here because I wanted to basically be honest with myself and write about it and share it with someone. Recently my depression has gotten pretty bad. Two years ago was the lowest time in my life and right now I'm feeling pretty close to it. I went off my medicine (Fluoxetine) last year at this time and had the most amazing summer and fall, but this winter something shifted and it kind of all hit me again. I decided with my therapist I should go back on my medicine and I've been on it for about 2 weeks now and I'm feeling the effects of it a little bit. It was really hard for me to finally decide to go back on my medicine. For some reason, I don't like taking it and everyone asks me "why?" and I really don't have an answer. Maybe it's just the fact that I can't solve something for myself, or that it kind of forces me to be honest with myself, but I don't like it. This winter though I finally understood that some things are just necessary. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has felt that way about medicine before?

[JLoInCali12]

I'm sorry you're having a tough time. I know how that feels.

It would be nice not to have to take meds, but the reality is that some of us just need them due to our biochemistry. It's like people who have high cholesterol even though they exercise and watch what they eat - would you tell them not to take cholesterol lowering meds? It's not their fault that their bodies produce more cholesterol - and it's not our fault that our bodies are causing us mental health challenges. If they meds help more than they hinder, then I would recommend taking them.

As for "not solving something myself," please try to be kind to yourself as you're dealing with a medical situation. Would you be upset with yourself if you had high cholesterol and couldn't live without cholesterol reducing meds? Probably not. Taking meds is not a reflection or indication of a lack of willpower or character - it's a sometimes necessary solution to a medical problem.

That doesn't mean you have to rely on meds alone. If exercise helps, then exercise. If therapy helps, then go to therapy. I advocate habits/behaviors that will do anything to increase mental health.

I'm glad you found this group and that you find some support and comfort here.

[dore13]

Meds are going to be a part of your life, forever. Better to except it now. Go to DBSA online support group where you can talk to others with same issues, it might be helpful to talk in a group.