I really don't know where to begin. I've been battling depression and anxiety since October of 2015 (diagnosed). I've been through what feels like a pharmacy of medicines. I'm on my 4th therapist. 2nd psychiatrist. Both of which I love. But I just feel like I am getting no where. Giant circles. I'm terrified of dying..but most days I'm more terrified of living. I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted. I have no motivation. Being around people stresses me out. I also work in a very negative, high stress environment. But it pays so well it is hard to change careers. But day after day, I consistently feel drained. Wonder if giving up would just be an all around better option. But I lost my dad's best friend to suicide in 2009, so I know what kind of damage that does to others surrounding you. He is probably the only reason I am alive today.
I just don't know what to do. I've tried what feels like every coping mechanism in the world. Nothing works.