I need to be strong for my babies

[Twnmma23]

I need some help please for the sake of my mental health. Not sure of rules if any so please forgive me if I am breaking any if there are some. So I am a single mom with 3 small children. I left there Dad about 6 months ago. I have been doing really well taking care of myself and feeling pretty again and important like I matter for the first time in years. About 2.5 weeks ago my Twin Baby Girls caught the flu and brought it home to both my 5 month old little guy and myself. The girls and I got over it quickly. My son however was born with some respiratory issues and sent to NICU because he couldn't breathe on his own very well and he was 8lbs 11oz and we made it to 41 weeks no labor and csection. I wasn't expecting any issues as my twins were born at 35 weeks only 5lbs each immediately crying and breathing room air and didn't need NICU or any help with anything but jaundice. The past 5 months have been rough as he frequently will aspirate while nursing, terrible reflux and gas but he is so happy despite all of that. He had to be hospitalized and was cold and bluish at home and rushed to hospital in an ambulance. It was very traumatic and I was terrified I would lose him. Thank god he pulled through, he is such a tough boy and we are back home. But I missed so much work and now I dont have the rest of my rent. My ex also destroyed my credit. I stayed at home with the kids, cooked, cleaned etc. Had no access to cards, bank account, login info etc. He said it was the mans job to handle the finances and thats all I needed to know. He monitored everything I did on my phone and I trusted him and bills were always paid. Come to find out he was doing loan and cc apps in my name and making up bogus info and literally plummeted my score over 300 points. I can't get a loan, I have tried and tried and tried, I posted in my community and keep getting messages asking for my picture and what skills I have or what I can do with my mouth. I have been just crying my eyes out and feeling so hopeless because I would NEVER resort to anything like that. It hurts so much to look at my innocent babies and not be able to provide for them and they have no idea were about to lose our home if I dont figure this out. I have been trying to do a p2p loan as well as I get paid next Friday but eviction papers will already be filed by then. I have not paid late before but my rental company is very strict about getting funds to their client which I respect as she is paying them to do a service and that isnt paying her late no matter the circumstance. For the 1st time in my life I contemplated suicide and that's not me at all but I felt my babies would be better off since I cant provide for them like they need and deserve and they would be better off with out me. Just feeling like an absolute failure. Does anyone know of loan places/websites that are legit and will actually lend to anyone or work with you more so then other, easy process so i stop wasting hours upon hours for nothing but disapointment, more anxiety, fear, depression. I am not looking for a handout just somewhere to trust me and lend to me and look at my 6 years of perfect payment history rather then the year or so he spent destroying all my hard work to get there. I feel so broken but I have to stay strong in front of my babies no matter what. I dony want them to ever feel anxiety, depression, or any of these horrible feelings. If anyone wants to talk, give advice, anything ill be here just really need some positivity to help uplift me out of this dark place because i know itll be okay. Somehow it will work out, I am a great mom and a good person with a big heart and I know all this hard work will pay off and I wont be homeless on the street or in the car sleeping with the babies in the freezing cold. I really needed to get all of that off my chest and I do feel a little better already. Please just someone be here for me or please pray for my babies and me that itll all work out. Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this. Picture of my gorgeous babies is attached so maybe they will bring joy to someone else because they are absolutely amazing.

[Chicafromchitown]

I will pray for you and your babies. And remember God provides. Good luck

[Jeff1943]

Twnmma23, I read your post from beginning to end and I think you are a hero. You are also a very strong person as you have shown by dealing with your problems and in the way you have cared for your three precious children. More valuable than gold, more precious than diamonds. Their respiratory problems will most likely ease and they will grow out of them as time passes and their lungs expand: this happened to one of my grandsons who was wheezy and slightly asthmatic when he was your children's age but he grew out of it as his lungs grew bigger.

You have shown your strength of character by leaving your abusive and controlling partner.

You will survive this crisis and life will become easier: you will find somebody to share your life with who is more worthy of a woman of your good character and strengths.

Your immediate problem is to get the rent paid. I'm English so I don't know what state or government financial help is available in the U.S. (We Brits can tell who the Yanks are because you use Mom for Mum and ER for A&E😊).

Can you not ask the children's father for financial help to prevent HIS children from becoming homeless? Do you not have relatives who you could ask for a loan or some good friend? Nobody likes imposing on friendship or family for asking for a loan but that's what friends and family are for? Could you not ask your employer for an advance on your wages - explain the necessity to make clear how important it is? Or do you have anything of value you could sell, jewellery maybe, your happiness is more important than gold or silver?

Think carefully as to whether any of these possibilities could solve your immediate problem.

Whatever happens you and your young family will survive this problem, I believe you have the strength of character to ensure that.

[Twnmma23 in reply to Jeff1943]

I really do appreciate all of your kind words and advice. Thank you for that. You put a big smile on my face which was much needed right now. I have tried getting help from him but he is pretty useless when it comes to anything that isn't personally benefitting him. I don't think he wanted the kids just the act that creates them. My strength in leaving him came from when he started screaming at them and not just me and telling them aweful things like he never f***** wanted them, or scream shut the f*** up you stupid b****** or tell them their Mom is a whore who should have kept her legs closed, that they ruined his life and so much more. His screaming scared them so bad and it broke my heart so much and as soon as he directed that anger at them and not me that's when I began planning how I would get out of the situation safely and with enough money so that I didn't have to ask for his help because honestly I don't want him anywhere near me or them. My Father passed away in 2014 and the only family I have is my Mother and Sister and I dont expect them to help me but they are just not the helping kind. They always act like they have no money by saying things like I am so broke now that I payed this or that. But then the next week they are taking a vacation to Cayman Island together. They play soccer together and are very similar and cold as well as my Grandmother who lives in PA. I remember when she first met my girls and one of them kept crying because they were tired and she said so full of emotionless but at the same time disgust/hatred "what does it want?" She called my sweet little baby girl an IT!! I am sure that's why my mom is that way as well as my sister. I must have ended up the way I did from my Dad's side thank God because I can't imagine being that way. I have accepted it and maintain a relationship with them just not close to either because they make me feel really bad about myself. The last time I asked my mom to borrow $100 until payday a long time ago she told me she is still in debt from when I lived with her years ago because I would cost her so much in utilities which cannot be true. I payed her $600 a month in rent because she said that was the fair price and average going on craigslist for a room for rent like I am a stranger and I am lucky to be paying such a small amount and have somewhere to live, I also bought all groceries, my boyfriend at the time worked on her car for free and she never even so much as said Thank you. The negativity from them is something I avoid like the plague because it's contagious and I don't like to feel bad. All my friends are young, mostly Mom's also and dont have that kind of extra money around to lend or they would for sure. My one friend is working with her church to see if they can help some which was really nice of her to do and she brought me some diapers and wipes. I am very blessed to have a few close friends that are really good people and genuinely do care about me but none of us have come from a lot of money or make a lot of money but we are good Mother's and good friends and we get by comfortably forthe most part but then a hiccup like this knocks you down temporarily and then you pick yourself back up and you keep moving because that's all you can do. I am not materialistic what so ever so I do not own anything Gold at all or Silver or I would sell in a heartbeat no material item is more important then my kids. I will continue to brainstorm based on those ideas and hopefully I will come up with something I haven't yet thought of.

[Jeff1943 in reply to Twnmma23]

You have not been lucky with your close relatives, it is amazing that despite them you turned out to be the person of strong character that you are.

But what about an advance of salary from your employer if you explain the circumstances. That's far from unheard of, employers often advance money. If you don't ask you'll never know.

Alternatively, what about a direct approach to the owner of your home bypassing the person who collects the rent, asking for a period of grace to pay explaining that your salary wad down this month because of your children's illnesses. Emphasise this is a one time only request.

Regardless of your partner's deficiencies as a human being he surely has a legal obligation to provide something towards the upkeep of his children.

I do sincerely hope that something will materialise to resolve your worries and hope that the G-man who watches over all has you in His special care.

[gerg]

A Church is a good place to seek help or you may be able to get assistance from your local Salvation Army.

I send my prayers and best wishes.

[fallen_leaf]

You can check if there is a St Vincent de Paul society near you. They help with expenses like rent as long as it’s a one time thing. It’s associated with Catholic Church but I don’t think you have to be catholic. What state are you in? Even if you don’t want anything to do with the children’s father you could look up free low cost legal aid to help you get child support garnished straight from his wages. You are doing an amazing job taking care of three little ones yourself. Never think they will be better without you. They need you and your love will always find a way to help you all.

[Readysetshi]

Alot of times the township of the county you live in helps with that stuff. Don’t give up. Also when things start getting a little better, start a blog alot of single mothers will relate to you. Eventually this can become income. Sending with love

[Coralrose5]

Aww my heart breaks for you. You sound so strong and amazing and kind. Please hang in there and don’t think of hurting yourself your babies need their mom. ❤️ I pray that you find a solution to your problem with making up the rent money soon.

[Essentiallyfree]

I am so sorry you're experiencing this situation. I can't imagine the turmoil you're facing. You are strong, brave, and beautiful.. life feels crazy right now, but you are a driven and courageous woman with a heart that desires the best for her babies. I truly believe God will provide for you exactly what you need. I'm praying for you and your family mama.

[weegmack]

Oh goodness, I have read your post entirely and my heart really hurts for you. You are the most amazing mummy - you obviously adore your beautiful children ( I love the photos!), and you’re so much stronger than you think.

I’m glad you left that beast of a man you lived with. He sounds like an absolute piece of work. You don’t want someone like him around you children as he will only destroy them. It was very strong of you to up and leave with three very small children.

I’m just so sorry you’re in such a desperate situation. I’m gutted for you, that your mum is so horrible. I can’t actually get over how badly she treats you. To be honest, you’re better off staying away from her....she’s just a toxic presence in your life.

I live in Scotland, so I can’t give you any advice about financial help. Though I would expect the church to provide you with something. And I agree with other people that you should approach your employer and the person who actually owns your property. I’ll pray for help for you.

Just remember what you’ve coped with and how well you coped with it. You are strong and bonnie babies need their mummy. You can do this - call on any friendships you can for emotional support. ❤️❤️