Grief & Insomnia

[EduardoHors3]

My run has come to an end. Working at a dealership has been the most amazing experience I've ever had. I was able to surround myself with some of the most amazing people that I can now call friends. I used to think that sales people would be the most uptight and shallow people, but I was wrong. They were the most real people I ever met.

They came from different backgrounds like I did. The crew that I started out with accepted me as I was. Despite putting an invisible wall between me and them, eventually I opened up and accepted them as my family. They didn't gave up on me. I had a lonewolf mindset in the beginning, but at the end I was the one hurting when I had to go. Having to walk away from my brothers and sisters because I wasn't making enough sales and also having the unfortunate luck of being a victim of circumstances was rough.

My coworkers were everything and the people I met everyday were all wonderful, but the hardest part to let go of was my crush. She watched over me and made sure people came to see me. She was my assistant. From the beginning this red headed beautiful brunette caught my attention. I spoke to her every time I got a chance outside by the break room. I got to know her a bit and she seemed very much like myself. We had similar taste in music and we both were lost and stranded in this world. I didn't confess to her until yesterday when I had to resign. I told her I wanted to take her out sometime and asked if she was single or married, but she told me she was somewhere in between. I still don't know what that means, but we hugged it out and said goodbye.

I am hurting. I am tired but can't sleep. I've been awake thinking about what I lost. I've been thinking about the douchebag I was in the beginning to my coworker when I told her that I don't need friends. At the end she was my sister and I am sure she cried a tear when we hugged. The guy who I didn't see eye to eye in the beginning also became my brother... with time. And I saw pain in his eyes when I told him I was leaving. This lifestyle was a part of me. The dealership job sucked but the people were the reason I came back everyday. Now it's over. All I can say is that I am sure I'm going to see them plenty of times in the future, but still the sense of grief is REAL. And it is worth it. I'd rather love and hurt than go a thousand years without love in my life.

[kenster1]

hi I am sorry to read about your job ending look at it as a learning curve for the future.you might not have the financial security but what you do have is new friendships hopefully forever.think of you in the beginning to what you are now you must have learned so much more during your time and that can only be a positive for the future.the woman in question sounds like a good friend probably better having her as that than nothing at all.good luck in the future for whatever role you take because you will be an asset to them.

[EduardoHors3 in reply to kenster1]

Thank you for taking the time to read this chapter of my life. It makes the burden less heavy. I will make sure that everything I learned will not go to waste. Peace and love to you my good friend.

[kenster1 in reply to EduardoHors3]

no worries see in December 15 I was desperate to feel part of the world again.i had spent 15 years battling clinical depression/anxiety.i volunteered 1 day per week for a charity I nearly quit after 2 weeks because of something I took the wrong way from the boss all to do with a loaf of bread.i even struggled just because I supported a certain football team.as the weeks went on my anxieties became less I volunteered 2 then 3 then 4 day per week and then 5 volunteering in another department with same company.i wasn't great at making new friends either but some of these guys are now my friends forever.when I finally got a job in September 17 and had to leave I was heartbroken I felt part of me died I was leaving it all behind including my friends.my job only lasted a year and now im back to were I started volunteering in the same place mainly with new people though.some people or jobs can have that effect on us from time to time your situation to mine sounds alike.

[EduardoHors3 in reply to kenster1]

You're right. Sometimes things go full circle. I am glad you were able to push through clinical depression. Not everyone can say the same. You give me a sense of comfort and I feel that things will work out. I don't know how or when but the best is just ahead for both of us.

[kenster1 in reply to EduardoHors3]

it shows that you can do it and succeed and you should be proud of yourself.stay focussed and positive something good will come again soon.

[Catwoman2018]

Aww I am so sorry you have had to leave a job you loved doing and losing your work colleagues, I am sure they will keep in touch. Life is so unfair sometimes and I really hope you find something else that you will enjoy just as much. Take this time to look after yourself and you will be able to sleep soundly soon. Sending you love and hugs.

[EduardoHors3 in reply to Catwoman2018]

Thank you very much for your kind words. I will have a good night's sleep tonight. It just makes me sad loosing my purpose. There are plenty of jobs out there, but the people and the memories you share can not be replaced. Thankfully some of these guys have been looking out for me asking if I need help finding a job. I'll see some of them plenty of times at church. I started going not too long ago to a new one and didn't realize that some of them also go there. I'll also see about hanging out after work with the guys I was the closest to. You're right. The future is bright

[Agora1]

Hi Eduardo, life took you on a bittersweet journey where you learned about

yourself and what you are capable of. These paths we take in life are all a part

of the learning experience which makes us stronger and a better person.

I know the grief is real, I've been there myself. But know that no one could ever

take away that memorable time of your life. I can only imagine what may be

around the next corner for you. Wishing you well my friend. x

[EduardoHors3 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you Agora. I feel that this experiences have indeed allowed me to grow and broaden my perspective. They've allowed me to trust and open up to others. I don't question my abilities any longer. I am just getting ready for my next move. Many blessings to you good friend.