Grief

[BlueXTY]

The grief over my Mother's death is all consuming some days. Even though she was an addict and abusive at times, she was all we had and was a good Mother in other ways. She was just lost. She had been abused and just wouldn't seek help. I have so many unresolved feelings where she is concerned. Anger for her ruining my childhood in some ways but grief and guilt over the times she needed me and I wasn't there for her. I need to work through it somehow in order to move forward with my life. I just feel stuck and it's affecting my relationships.

[Lotsakitties]

Hello Blue, I'm so sorry for your pain. We grapple with so many thoughts and emotions when a parent dies. I just joined. It's almost 4 am... though different circumstances, I know your struggle.

[BlueXTY in reply to Lotsakitties]

Yes a parent's death leaves us with a hole that can never be filled. Thank you for your kind words. I just joined too. This was my first post. It's nice to be able to share our burdens with others.

[Hidden]

I'm so sorry. I lost my mother 10 years ago and I didn't know how to deal with the pain and grief so I made bad rash decisions. I wish someone had referred me to grief counseling back then. I finally did go to grief counseling in 2016 and it was the best thing I could do. I went to Griefshare. They are a nationwide organization and there are meetings everywhere. I highly recommend it. It helped me.

[BlueXTY in reply to Hidden]

Thank you I'll look it up!

[kenster1 in reply to BlueXTY]

we have a community here called bereavement care and share great supportive little community. I`m sorry to hear about your mum and the suffering you all went through god bless.

[Creed10]

I also lost my mother two years ago and grieve her everyday. I’m also a recovering addict with 11 years of sobriety, hun, and I can confidently say that your mother wouldn’t want you to feel guilty about anything, especially not being there to help her. The truth is as an addict, and although it affects everyone in our families, it’s our battle and it’s us and us alone who have to put in the work to help ourselves. Of course the support of programs and others who have been through it, is helpful, but NOBODY has the power to get us sober and keep us sober, but us, no matter how much they love and care for us and do anything they can to help. It all comes down to us. And I know now that I’m sober, I’m so grateful that my children chose to step back and not be around during my active addiction. I didn’t want them or anyone to see me in that severely desperate and lost way of life and I’m grateful they weren’t there, as I’m sure your mother is, as well. Most addicts want more than anything just to be and feel “normal.” What I have found working in the recovery field and being able to witness who people are after detox and getting sober, is that everyone of them is so much more than normal. They all have so many incredible gifts varying in so many aspects. Most of them feel every feeling, good and bad, so much more intensely and that can be so overwhelming. I’m sorry to blab on, I just want you to know that you are not alone in your feelings of loss, but I hope you find a way to let go of the guilt, because it’s not your burden to bear, nor do I feel your Mom would want for you. I hope you find peace in cherishing the memories of the good ways that you said she was a good mother and for that to be your focus and to not allow her addiction to define your mother. Sending loads of loving and healing light your way. ❤️

[BlueXTY in reply to Creed10]

Yes I definitely try to focus on the good times and her good qualities. I am trying to let go of the guilt. Wow such an insightful thoughtful caring post. I can't say how much I appreciate you! Thank you