Can anyone with any knowledge about colleges help?

[softhearthealing]

Im freaking out

[BeachBumBabe]

As far as mental illness help, right?

[softhearthealing in reply to BeachBumBabe]

No. So basically I got accepted into a good university. Im the first in my family to be accepted and go straight to university after high school. Basically I dont have money. All of the college expenses are adding up. No scholarship money basically hardly nothing. I basically fucked up and my next option (bc im not sure about how student loans work and whether i want to do them) is to either work study OR unfortunately drop the university and go to a community college or find another hopefully cheaper university. I messed up a lot of my hs year for these awards!! I just dont know how to tell my father. I am not sure how to break it down bc I know he sees a lot of potential in and just wants me to do good.

[BeachBumBabe in reply to softhearthealing]

Drop out immediately. You can't afford it, even if you do graduate and get the job you want, it will take you years to pay off debt. But let's be honest, most grads don't even get the a good job after college they work the same dead end jobs without a degree. A degree doesn't gaurantee anything. Did your parents force you into this? Did you sign yourself up?

It's your life and your decision, regardless if your father will be happy or not, they won't be the one stuck with debt. And if they offer to help, don't depend, who knows years down the line you might not even speak with your parents, they might be dead and another family member takes the money, or the economy crashes it a medical emergency. The quicker you get out the cheaper it will be. What classes are you taking? What's your major?

[softhearthealing in reply to BeachBumBabe]

I want to major in Biology. I want to become a nurse or a pediatrician. This year I have not taken classes that are towards the degree I want. I simply want to take a gap year and ponder it on. I am still unsure if thats my final decision to get a degree in.

[softhearthealing in reply to BeachBumBabe]

Im stressed bc i dont want to be in debt and I dont want to fail my father. Im not ready for college even though my GPA is high.

[BeachBumBabe in reply to softhearthealing]

This is your life and you got to live it. Your an adult and you need to fulfill your dreams, not daddy's because your the one who will deal with the consequences, not him. And as you can see your already starting to really and see the consequences, debt. You need a high credit score, to buy a house, rent a room, and get a car. All this high debt is crippling you from that, or making it harder.

If your not ready for college, don't do it. You are even higher at risk for failing or dropping out. You not going to graduate with a low grades. Dropping out it means more money in the long wrong. If you don't know what you want to do it's useless to take a course because you could change your mind like most millennials. If you do, then it's even more useless to take a class that doesn't meet the requirement for the career you want.

How old are you? How long have you been in college? Will your parents kick you out if you don't go?

[softhearthealing in reply to BeachBumBabe]

Im 18, im i'll be a freshmen this year, they want me to be in a diff city but my dad will help me get a car and apartment only if im going to school! :,( thats why im stuck

[BeachBumBabe in reply to softhearthealing]

Your parents are bribing and blackmailing you. They are controlling. If you don't go to college can you at least stay home without a car or will they kick you out. You need to think for yourself: Is a car and an apartment really worth my future of being broke and filled with debt? Is a car and an apartment worth my happiness because you will be going to college when your not even ready and for something you don't even want? Your going to miserable. You will be wasting your time and your money, and time, Hun, is something you can't get back, your twenties fly quick. Who's even going to pay for the upkeep, insurance, and car note on the car after they buy it or put down the deposit? Who's going to continue to pay the rent months and years down the line when your in college?

[softhearthealing in reply to BeachBumBabe]

Exactly. So before I become completely committed to this University, I need to have a complete talk with my father. For now, I'll try to see if I can come up with some sort of money but I need to bring this up to my dad. What do you think about gap years? Do you think I should invest in a car and apartment first then start my education journey? I shouldnt be relying on ppl on the internet for this advice but im lost and i dont want to be in serious debt for the rest of my life.

[BeachBumBabe in reply to softhearthealing]

Tell your dad: Hey I need to talk, I know you want what's best for me, but I don't want to go to college. This is debt that I will have to be responsible for and I don't even want to be in debt. I'm not even sure what I want to do with my life, so just rushing me into something I'm not ready for will just add more debt, stress and take time away because I will have to go back to school once I realise what I want to do. It's my life let me decide." That what you should say. The say "I will work full-time until I figure out what I want to do, but I'm dropping out either way." Get a job during your Gap year so you can have experience and you'll have money, stop being so depending on your parents which is why it's so easy for them to control you. How are you going to get and apartment and car with no money? your only 18, if anything you could possibly have enough money saved from previous part time jobs, that is if you had any. Are you thinking about spending your parents money for a car and apartment still? Do you have money that's actually yours, you worked for, saved up? If so how much? What city and state are you in?

[softhearthealing in reply to BeachBumBabe]

I have no money saved up. I got kicked out of my parents house bc i was being dumb and moved to a diff state. I had a job but ended up quitting bc of some dumb ass drama. Basically im back living w my parents again. With no money. So basically im fucked. I think I'll go to school part time and work. Thats my second best option than being in complete debt

[BeachBumBabe in reply to softhearthealing]

Why are going to school when your not ready, when your not taking the correct course for the career you might want and if your not sure if it is what you want to do for sure? Are you afraid of confronting your dad? Are you afraid of being kicked out again if you don't abide by his rules?

[softhearthealing in reply to BeachBumBabe]

Simply to put it YES! I am a hobo without him bc I fucked up. Adult hood? I dont even know if im ready, but I need to be smartly navigate through this.

[BeachBumBabe in reply to softhearthealing]

Man... I was in a similar situation, once.... About 2 years ago... I was abused by my parents from age 17-19. Badly. My mom was always taking my money, food and confidence. She would tell me I couldn't go anywhere, laugh and make fun of me. If I didn't abide by her rules, she always threatened to kick me out. I'd wish I had left sooner than 19 but I wouldn't have the flexibility to change careers and houses as much as I did and needed to. But if I could go back and do it again I would rather be a homeless "hobo" than to live with an controlling person. She said if I didn't go to church and get baptized I would be kicked out. If I didn't pay her for not cleaning the house I would be kicked out.

I began to do everything in order not to be kicked out, realizing I would be kicked out either way.

Do you have friends you can live with it stay a few months?

[hypercat54]

Hi what sort of knowledge are you looking for? It's impossible to reply with so little information. Do you feel able to tell us more please? x

[softhearthealing in reply to hypercat54]

Yes sure. So basically I got accepted into a good university. Im the first in my family to be accepted and go straight to university after high school. Basically I dont have money. All of the college expenses are adding up. No scholarship money basically hardly nothing. I basically fucked up and my next option (bc im not sure about how student loans work and whether i want to do them) is to either work study OR unfortunately drop the university and go to a community college or find another hopefully cheaper university. I messed up a lot of my hs year for these awards!! I just dont know how to tell my father. I am not sure how to break it down bc I know he sees a lot of potential in and just wants me to do good.

[hypercat54 in reply to softhearthealing]

I presume you are in the USA? I am in the UK so unfortunately cannot help with that. Swear words aren't actually allowed on here though so can you please edit it out. Thank you. x

[AuntBee]

Softheart, you said you are thinking of being a nurse or a pediatrician. So that would actually take you on 2 different paths. A nurse would go to a university that has a 4 year nursing program. They normally don’t accept credits from a community college so that is something you should know before you take classes at a community college.

If you want to be a pediatrician, you could take general elective classes at a community college but only if they transfer to your 4 year university. You will need to know the university you will attend after community college. This route will save you money but only if they transfer to the university. After you get your 4 year degree you would apply to medical school. That is 3 years and very expensive. After that you would apply for a residency to learn the hands on of being a pediatrician. Residency is 4 years but you do get paid. It is a real job but a requirement.

I recommend you tour the schools and sit down with the guidance counselors at the schools you are thinking of attending and tell them what you are thinking. They can help you get scholarships. They can explain student loans to you. There are even scholarships out there for being the 1st in your family to go to college. Please continue to research before you assume it’s all too much and too overwhelming. There are people at the schools whose job it is to help you with all your questions and intimidating paperwork. Ask them now because there are cut off times for applying for a student loan for the fall.

I think it’s great your father is willing to support you through your higher education ambitions with a car and apartment. That is a huge help. It is not blackmail at all. I respectfully disagree with that way of thinking. From a parents perspective he’s saying “if you want to better yourself by way of college I’m behind you. If you want to get a full-time job then you don’t need the additional help because you can support yourself.”. It makes total sense.

[softhearthealing in reply to AuntBee]

Thank you.

[softhearthealing in reply to AuntBee]

I have been thinking about so many fields and interest. I really enjoy working with kids. Becoming an elementary teacher or something along those lines would be cool too.

[softhearthealing in reply to AuntBee]

My dad is saying going into the STEM

field I will always have a job.

[softhearthealing in reply to AuntBee]

But I want something thats easy going but still has me working.

[Jeff1943]

I think it's make your mind up and stick to it time, softheart. I'm in the U.K. and you may be in the U.S. where student loans are different but either way don't be put off by getting into debt: you get years to pay it back and you only start paying it back when your salary hits a certain amount. And if your dad is willing to support you with living expenses that's very good of him to make that sacrifice and I wouldn't call it controlling you but just the natural parental instinct to encourage their sons and daughters in what they think is the right direction.

A gap year sounds like just putting off making the decision, no time like the present, the sooner you start the sooner you graduate.

I once read that people who go to Uni earn an extra million dollars/pounds during their working life. Worth thinking about. Money isn't everything though, the important thing is to choose a line of work you want to end up in and decide which uni course will be most helpful getting into it.

I could have gone to Uni and it was free in the U.K. at that time but never did, it never handicapped me though, I got a job as a writer in an advertising agency and loved every minute of it, loved going in on a Monday morning, in the words of the 1960s song 'Even the bad times were good, baby.'

I liked doing it because I was good at it and the people I worked for knew it, never made the mistake of accepting the poisoned chalice of over-promotion though. That's the thing, softheart, do something you know you'll be good at.

Sorry, this isn't about me is it, it's about you. So what I'm saying is make your mind up how you want to spend your working life and go for the qualifications that will make that happen. And don't worry about the money, dad and Uncle Sam will take care of that.

[softhearthealing in reply to Jeff1943]

So true. I mean I been thinking about so many fields and interest.

[AuntBee]

The college advisor can help you with a type of career test to get you thinking more clearly. You can also find them online. In the US you start paying back student loans 6 months after you’re done with school. Payments are worked out based on your salary. Google FASFA and you will find info on student loans.

Is your dad referring to stem cell research? Interesting field, but as Jeff said, and I totally agree, do what you love, don’t chase the money.

[softhearthealing in reply to AuntBee]

Yeah like Science Technology Engineering and Math

[Quest4peace in reply to AuntBee]

STEM is an acronym for science, technology , engineering and math. Educators and guidance counselors are stressing to students that this is where all the good and plentiful jobs will be.

[softhearthealing in reply to Quest4peace]

Yes so true. They are right but wrong. It all depends on the person really!

[softhearthealing in reply to AuntBee]

I really wanna go to uni but cost is scaring me. Chance or no chance? I had feeling regretful