Safer in the dark

[hisipiki]

I think due to my depressive, angry and negative perspectives, I have been distanced myself from everyone and burned some bridges,including my dad, lately. My therapist asked me to open myself so I did tell some of my friends and family about my depressive episode. However they took it very negatively. Thinking that I'm avoiding the problems and reality.

It's a bundle of feelings, something like unloved, aliented, isolated, useless, lazy, powerless. My physical behavior is also showing fatigue, hard to breathe, chest pain, sweating while trying to sleep etc.

I just feel like I'm safer and less scary in the dark, so I feel challenging getting out of bed/home. I feel like the world is full of selfish people and that I would be aliented by them. If I couldn't sleep, that would be days and I didn't want to get out of my room till 3/4 pm. And I could skip meals because I don't feel eating is important. All of this loop itself over and over again.

[hisipiki]

Just spoke to my husband and he thinks he can't see any light of me recovering from depression. I feel very very sad.

[Sober2007 in reply to hisipiki]

I read your post and hope to offer a few words of encouragement. We can and do recover no matter what anyone else thinks. There are people who understand and, yes, others who don't. It is certainly easier to be around those who do, but even if they don't we can recover by taking action ourselves to deal with our depression. The good news is that our condition is not hopeless. There are lots of resources available and many people out there willing to help. It's just a matter of reaching out and trying something new. I know how difficult that seems when you aren't feeling well. I've been there. You are in my thoughts and prayers, and you are by no means alone in this.

[hisipiki in reply to Sober2007]

Thanks for your encouragement. I'm trying to reach out but hard to get good responses

[RainneLim]

Hey,

I hope you're feeling better. The past 4/5 months, I was unemployed and didn't get up until 3 pm and slept until 4 or 6 am. Depression sucks. I really didn't change month until January only due to moving so I had to get things done with the move. But as soon as things settle, here I go again with little sleep and no sleep at all.

However, I did had AT LEAST 2 to 3 days of each month where I told myself to get up. I really didn't want to interact with people. And I didn't. I focused on me. As long as I wasn't in bed. I went to the living room to read a book, watch t.v. or nap. I would just randomly go to the thrift store for just 30 mins to look around, then I went back home. I know it isn't a lot of days but it is small.

Focus on you. If you get up at 3 pm, that's okay. Get up and just chill at home as long as it is not the bedroom.

Start small. Don't jump the gun. Little by little. After awhile, I am going out every weekend again to meet friends just for at least 2 hours. Then back home again and focus on me. Start small.

And with your husband, I do know how it feels to have a partner who doesn't get it. I am a loner (who is very good at making it look like I am not) and my boyfriend really loves to meet new people. He doesn't get it why I am suddenly so sad when we were enjoying a date in the downtown area. He got frustrated. After talking to him, he realized he was more frustrated with himself because he just didn't know how to help.

I do not know your relationship and what you and your husband talked about.This is my experience. I sat down with my boyfriend and ask what he thinks depression and anxiety is. I wanted to know his perspective. Once I saw his perspective, I told him mine (this was terrifying). And I asked if we can think of somethings TOGETHER that will help solve this.

When I have my panick attacks, we agreed to just let my scream, cry and panic; and he will just sit there and hold me, silently. It helped.

When I have my depression moments, I get angry easily and cry easily. We agreed that if I am so angry that we give each other space , but stay in the same area, and do our own thing. If I am crying, he will buy me my favorite chips and put on FRIENDS.

Sometimes these actions work, sometimes they didn't. But the end was acknowledging that my depression and anxiety was getting in the way of our relationship and that I needed for both of us to compromise a way to help manage it.

This was long so thanks if you read it this far. I hope it helped. And if not, I am willing to listen more to hear your story and give as much help as i can. hahaha

[hisipiki in reply to RainneLim]

Thank you for your sharing, RainneLim. Thanks for understanding. I m so scared my last resource would be gone too. Thanks, I do wanna share more with me, seems there’s a lot I can learn from u.