I’m sooo TIRED !!!! I’m sooo LONELY !!!

[Cocoon3]

I’m always the fixer-upper for every problem -trying to find a happy medium peacefully - and it ALWAYS back fires. 3 ISSUES TODAY

. #1) All i want from my husband is his TIME, & since his drinking was causing sooo many problems.. I did as his dad said & gv an ultimatum, September last yr.. I can always tell he sneaks off to drink & then drives - NOT GOOD, then Lies straight faced 2me.. alcohol turns him n2 an angry drunk directed straight at me.. but in turn his sneaky drinking steals time from us. & if I say OK to drink at home ( because I miss it too sometimes) but it didn’t turn me into the devil -so if he becomes the angry drunk as before his father told me many times - that it’s my fault because I allowed it - even tho he is 54 years old . I tried having a conversation with my husband about it today and told him openly about how I get the blame From his family I could tell today that he had drink it took him almost 4 hours to do a store run - that’s why I talk to him about it today and even though I made it so clear what the conversation was about alcohol and he wasn’t drunk but he still acted as if he did not understand what I was even talking about - as my deceased best friend said just because I had a breakdown 4 yrs ago...people will use it as a crutch to make me look like I am not makeing sense about any issue . Regardless that conversation ended with me saying you’re my husband - tell me what you think in the conversation ended/ so not sure about any of that— except he looked at me like I was crazy AND ...then my daughter had a great visit with my mom and that makes me very happy but suddenly mom has forgotten all the harsh words she has said to me & forgot that she was upset that she hurt her own little girl but that’s all right - it Hass to be there’s nobody around here that gives a shit & I love each and everyone of y’all that replies to me since hugs etc. but it does not change that I don’t have one person here in my neighborhood ,in my town etc that I can tt. I left my daughter a voicemail yesterday inviting her over for a good supper! Her favorite she never responded & my mom sd she did not get any invite from me— when it’s clearly shown on my outgoing calls - I always end up the bad guy .. I’m Keeping my mouth shut !!! & YALL ONLY KNOW JUST A CORNER OF MY ISSUES... tomorrow is my psychiatrist appointment and I’m too tired to even talk, I’m just gonna say in things going the same — it never changes anything anyway because when I tell my husband that she says he needs to educate himself on my illnesses he never does.. so what is the point ?? I did email the priest to our local church first time ever for volunteering or something .. anyway I have a good night cocoon closing 4the night

[crazychkinwa59]

Wow, I am new to this forum, but see you have alot of problems with your Dad. You do realize that alcoholism is a disease that he cannot help anymore than you can control your anxiety! Seems the mix is not good but you and he are equally sick, just different problems. Not judging but really??