Stuck in a rut feeling like I have no purpose

[Barbib]

Hi I am new to this site. I have had anxiety and depression for about 15 years. I went through a horrible breakup about 4 years ago, and life went downhill from there.

I was raped about a year and a half ago. I got to the point where I was afraid to go home, and ended up losing my job, had to put my dog down, (who was my best friend and my whole world) and moved from 3 places since.

I feel as if I have no purpose now and have lost myself. I'm stuck and feel like life is passing me by.

I don't sleep at night, have been drinking alot, and have had horrible anxiety and social anxiety, as well as guilt since both losing my dog and the rape. It's eating me alive.

I am always very aware of my surroundings.

I just want to get back to the old me.

I used to be a happy, funny, outgoing person, who loved to be around people and was very social.

[Hidden]

Hi Barbib, I’m so sorry that you had to experience all of that. Have you spoken to your doctor about feeling this way - they might be able to give you an anti-depressant. Have you tried therapy to talk about your feelings?

Just try to take each day at a time. When I was feeling depressed my purpose was to get better and to help other people experiencing the same thing. Maybe your purpose at the moment could just be to feel better.

[Mumma_h]

Hi barbib,no wonder you're feeling the way you do , you have been through some really awful stuff, so sorry for you. Don't give up hope , you can get back to having happiness again, be kind to yourself,take your time, you've been through a lot. Do you have support around you? Family and friends you can talk to, or a counsellor?

Also there are so many animals that need a good home, some have been neglected and abused or are simply unwanted. Have you considered getting one ? One you could love and give a great home and it would love you back dearly. It would give you a renewed purpose too. But try to connect with others, could you try a support group in your area? You're not alone in your struggles , you've come to a great place for support ❤️

[brokenlight]

You have been through a lot.

I’m glad you’re here & I’m so sorry for your pain & suffering.

[Hidden]

The trauma of a rape when already dealing with anxiety and depression would be very hard to work through. Your hyper-awareness and moving show how much it is affecting you. If you aren't seeing a counselor, I would highly suggest it if you are in a situation to have access.

[JAYnLA]

Hello Barbib - hang in there, love. It's imperative that you seek out help if you haven't already. The things you're dealing with are real and difficult, but CAN be dealt with. You will not always feel like you do now - everything changes. Much hope and love to you.

[Hidden]

Hi Barbib, have you had counselling due to the rape? It may help although not for everyone I know x

[Hidden]

Hey Barbib,

First and foremost, give yourself some kudos for coming here and telling your very tragic story. It's a huge first step and it's not easy. The issue of rape can be triggering and losing your best friend in your dog....that's a lot on one plate. I am so very sorry all of this happened to you and that you had to experience such terrible events. Pair those together with anxiety and depression and it's easy to see how you can feel the way that you do.

From what I gather, it sounds like you need a two things right now...stability and a good counselor to guide you through grief, loss, and the sexual abuse you had. When you're ready of course. You may find, for better or worse, talking about the situation with a professional to be of substantial relief. The same counselor can also work on your self-confidence and esteem as both seem deflated from a bad relationship, a horrible experience, and the loss of a good pal. When you go down, we must look up.

A lot of people on here are a lot like you: we all want to be normal again, we all worry about purpose, and we've explored the plunders of a rut. I tried drinking my problems away and all I got was more problems. You will need some good professional help....and you need to get back off the ground from the horse that kicked you there. I know this is sort of a tough love type talk, but I mean it from the heart because there is hope, there is more for you out there, and the person you said you were...you still are. You're just going through an extremely hard time and I can't imagine how hard it has been to cope.

As you talk about this with a counselor and work on the other aspects (anxiety, depression, drinking, and so on), there is a great chance your sense of purpose comes back. There's a great chance that the happier you finds their way back around. You may opt to try medication which you can find via your doctor or a psychiatrist who can do a little bit better of a job narrowing down a specific regiment for what will work specifically for you. No matter what though, I really think your situation requires a counselor as well so that you can process things. Rape, your dog, your relationships, how you've coped.

Take time to be kind to yourself, love yourself, and forgive yourself. What was done to you is not and was not your fault. How you feel is normal given what you've been through. Take small steps forward until you're ready to make a skip or a leap further. You may find that as you take each step, skip, or leap....a newer purpose emerges. Find goals to aim for and do it. Reward yourself. Get the feel good endorphins moving again in your brain. Just hypothetically, perhaps you find a calling as a therapist for sexually abused women. I myself came here for support and have found myself feeling better merely writing these novels to everyone offering support, advice, and more based on my psychology background. It makes my day to make someone feel better. I think you need to take another step now towards the warm light and begin to tell your story to a therapist. From there, you can take more steps and see how it goes. No expectations other than feeling better and getting back to who you TRULY are down inside.

Again, I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through. You will find so many willing ears here if you need to talk, vent, or just need a digital hug. You have support behind you and we'll always be around if something suddenly comes up or you want to share your story as you improve. Under all of that veil of darkness that we feel at our worst is a slither of light ready to welcome us back. You can do this. One day at a time, little by little. Don't lose hope in yourself because you're already making steps. I'll keep you in my thoughts, prayers, send all the empathy in the world, and hope you keep us updated. Try to utilize all of the tools (counseling, medication, mindfulness, meditation....or whatever you feel is right) and I think you'll get back on that horse ready to get back on your adventure that is life. For now, please feel better and know that there is hope despite all you've been through.

[Ann10]

I'm sorry that you have these struggles. I think talking to a therapist could help you sort out your thoughts and feelings. It is important that you take care bit.ly/of_yourself every day.