Anxiety and Depression Support
18,606 members15,301 posts

I feel stuck in place

I joined this evening because I feel hopeless. I feel no matter what I do, nothing changes. I have lived in Texas for 20 years and throughout that time one thing has always been missing, a feeling of being important. I have always had a hard time making friends. I have gone out of my way to set my self up for success but eventually always end up the "friend" that never gets a second thought unless it's a party that everyone's invited too. To make matters worse, I have no family within 3,000 miles and a husband who works a full time job, military and is in school. Though that's little consolation since I rarely enjoy myself while with him. He always finds a way of putting me down in some way, usually the way I dress, my weight, my hair, my entire being. Tonight we went on a date to a restaurant. It was lacking any enjoyment. On our way home he criticized my driving, I wasn't driving at the time.

Sometimes I just want to feel desired, accepted, and important to others. I just want to be happy and feel included in life.

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I don’t think it has anything to do with you, but the fact that the one person who is supposed to be your friend and support you isn’t doing their job.

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I agree that support is missing. I have tried for so long to find a close friend and have put myself out there. I haven't been able to find anyone who likes me enough. I'm not sure what I'm doing or not doing wrong.

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I get it. You want someone to put you first. Make you feel special. I only joined today but there are a lot of selfish people out there.

And if these friends are treating you that way, they're not that great of friends.

I get it too about the husband. My husband and I have poor communication.

Ask him why do you talk about my weight, my driving and my hair etc? Tell him I'd love to understand why you say these things to me. Or tell him his words are hurtful.

Do you work? Can you ask a coworker to lunch or go to a movie? Or take a photography class or diy class. Do something you like to do and hopefully you'll find someone who likes the things you do.

Have you asked your husband if there is something bothering him?

I know what you mean by wanting to feel important. My husband has a bad habit of not "having my back."

It hurts but he's a people pleaser.

I'm not his #1. He will literally hop, skip and jump to help someone else.

I want to be #1 to someone.

Let me know if things get better or worse. I'll be here. Take care.

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I'm sorry that your feeling lonely, and I'm affraid your husband is being a bully to you, I won't candy coat it cause I've been there too, and it destroyed me for most of my life....a whole lot of us here understand that. Trust is also a big issue for me and I've read it in others posts and comments here also. As far as your husband goes....nope....that's not good. Never is it good to be contantly put down, it destroys us....have you told him what he is saying to you is hurtful and unexceptable?

If you have and he still does it....then you need to think about what solution to this you need to decide. You cannot live with someone doing that to you and expect to feel better about yourself and have enough trust and self-worth to pursue better friendships.

You know, many of us here are also professionals who have the same issues as anyone else. Just because we have been in either fields where we are trying to help people like us, does not mean we are our own best advocate in our private lives. We are humans with flaws, but no one needs them constantly pointed out to us, whether they exist or are just being verbally abused. Your not alone with this....

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Sounds like your husband is not supportive of you at all. Are you able to get some counseling through the military?

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