Why don't they understand???

[jazzpw]

I have long felt that my parents don't really understand my mental health issues and don't make any allowances for them. If anything, they are worse now they know the full story. I think that any sympathy they did have for me has run out. I was driving home with my mum and sister this evening and my sister and I were joking about how my mum always repeats the same thing over and over. Suddenly, my mum went all serious and said 'you can talk, we have the same drama every single night' (referring to my difficulties with showering). Why can't they understand that this is not something I choose to do and that it is completely different from someone repeating something like a chore they have to do. I am trying. I am constantly battling it and I feel like I am gradually improving, but why can nobody recognise that this is a disorder and it is serious and I need some freaking support

[kenster1]

hi its sad to ay but family always find it hard to understand.have you got a therapist.if you have maybe take your mum along with you then she will see how much pain your really going through and she then might begin to understand.

[jazzpw in reply to kenster1]

I see a hypnotherapist but her and my mum aren't on the best terms. When my mum found out about my OCD I had asked her to come upstairs to the bathroom where I was in tears and breaking down, so I find it hard to think that she doesn't recognise

[Agora1]

Unfortunately jazzpw, it's a familiar story told over and over by most of us. Why can't

family and friends understand? I have been beaten down with hurtful words so many

times over the years that I've had to develop a "thick skin" in what they say. The issue

here is "over the years". Anxiety is not a disorder/illness whatever you want to call it,

that goes away in a short time. People can be understanding of the "flu" because they too

have experienced it at one time or another. As well as the fact, that it does go away.

Once it goes into day after day after day, they turn a deaf ear to our fear and our need for

understanding. They don't realize that this only exacerbates the anxiety and makes it go on even longer.

Sitting down and talking face to face with your mom, may help but probably not for long.

Having a medical person explain what anxiety is and how it affects you may be a better

solution. As for your difficulties with showering/baths, you are not alone in that. Many people who have anxiety present with that problem as well. But how do you explain it

to the average person? We're here for you jazz. xx

[jazzpw in reply to Agora1]

You're right, I've heard my mum mention 'fixing' my issues before. It's such a poor choice of words

[Agora1 in reply to jazzpw]

I agree jazz. x

[Catherine55]

I am 64 and my parents still don’t or don’t want to understand my major depression. I wish I could move 1000s of miles to get away from them at times.

I think we need to learn to cope without them.

[jazzpw in reply to Catherine55]

I have been with my OCD, but the problem is that I'm agoraphobic and I need to have the ability to contact them at all times and I speak to them on my bus journeys. So its not easy

[art62grammie]

I say this to others. Each one that is affected by trauma or whatever in a different way. We are all different. It will affect each one different. My childhood trauma made me mentally ill. At 14 I became Anorexia. I have recently recovered after 40 years. My ex-husband would say. I do not understand why life is so hard for you. He walked in a bed of roses. Mine was thorns. I told him this. If you had walked in my shoes or in that bed of thorns. You might understand. Yes, you need support. That is why we are here.

[LadyVox]

For years, I wondered why my father couldn’t understand my depression and how hard it made it for me to function in life. I was between 14 and 16 when my first bouts of serious suicidal ideation occurred. Yet it wasn’t until I was in my 50’s that my father ever gave any indication of starting to understand. Even then it was only an acknowledgement that he knew my mother’s father had shot himself when she was a child but had never given any real thought to what that might mean for their children. Over 30 years.....Just know that even if your family doesn’t get it, others do and call on that support and suggestions they may have on dealing with your parents in the mean time.

[NCAQuilter]

It is so sad that those we care about don't get it. But, that is not unusual. With the stigma associated with mental illness, I believe many don't want to admit we have mental problems. But, I think anyone who isn't suffering understands what a difficult problem we have. So, maybe understanding isn't a realistic goal for us. Maybe support is what we really want and need.

Try to find what support would look like for you, and the positive things your family could do to show support. Try to phrase these things as 'do's' instead of 'don't's', so that when something is said or done that is hurtful, you could suggest they DO something more positive. And, perhaps you could tell them that you don't understand why you are acting this way, either!

Successful treatments for depression/anxiety have only been discovered in the last 20 years or so. Before now, many of the serious mentally ill were sent to institutions, given lobotomies, and shock treatments, the only treatments known. Those less ill went for psychotherapy, that lasted forever. Now days, there are many medical options that can successfully manage mental illnesses. But, the stigma remains. It'll take a while yet before the general public catches up with what the medical field and ourselves already know: this is a serious disease that must be taken seriously and treated as such.

May you find the words to tell your loved ones what and how you need support.

[SheWrote]

Hi. I am so sorry that you feel misunderstood and not supported by those closest to you. You are not alone, even though at times it may feel exactly like you are.

Is there anyone, a mentor, teacher, or other adult who you feel close to and might be able to talk with about what you are going through? I believe it would be so beneficial for you to have someone like that in your life for some guidance and support.

Have you talked with your mom about these things and how it makes you feel? Doing that could change everything for you for the better.

[Lazy_dog_lover]

You don't want her sympathy, you want her empathy. She may never really understand what you go through because she can't go through it with you. Once you find your coping mechanism, it should get easier.