Anniversary/Valentines day: So I posted... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Anniversary/Valentines day


So I posted months ago that my wife had been cheating on me for months with her coworker and we talked about things and she came clean after a lot of persuasion.

Yesterday was our anniversary and Valentine's day. I got her a card and roses and chocolates. She got me nothing... The second year in a row. Personally I feel that this is an indication that she really doesn't care about me anymore or at least takes our relationship seriously after all she's done.

11 Replies

I’m sorry you experienced such a betrayal. My husband cheated on me too during deployment after 15 years of marriage. I was so devastated. I did everything to make things work. Unfortunately, it takes two to want to. And he didn’t want to. He was too caught up in the excitement of the affair and something “new”? I still don’t know and honestly I don’t think he does either. It’s very hard to trust and move on from infidelity, and it takes a lot of effort on the cheaters part. It doesn’t sound like she is making an effort and in your heart I think you know. Don’t settle for anything less. I did for 2 long years. It’s not worth the time and heartache. Best of luck

Hidden in reply to Hidden

Did you end up having children together? What made you finaly move on?

I would leave if:

I knew she could support herself and not try to leech off of me for the rest of her life.

We didn't have a child whose life will be permanently damaged (like mine when I was 5).

I had found someone who would appreciate me.

Right now I have none of those IF's.

Hidden in reply to Hidden

No children, I have an autoimmune disease that made it super hard. He ended up getting his mistress pregnant and having a baby while we were married (ouch). I finally had enough. I was lonely. So I joined Match, found someone and moved on. His loss. It still hurts, but everyday I’m stronger.

Hidden in reply to Hidden

I understand. I am definitely in no position to move-on. I'm trying to move us closer to family. It seems like a move that will better my situation from several aspects.

Hidden in reply to Hidden

Definitely and only you can decide that. I can only tell you from my experience that I tried and tried, I wanted couples therapy and did everything to save the marriage. But he wasn’t done cheating. He wanted none of that. Only you can truly tell if she is utterly remorseful and wants to repair things. I wasted 2 years trying to fix something that was a joke. I truly hope everything works out. Marriage is sacred

Agora1 in reply to Hidden

Good for you finallyfree. I applaud you, I respect you for respecting yourself.

I wish you a lifetime of happiness xx

Hidden in reply to Agora1

Thank you 😊 It was hard after 15 years. But I was so unhappy, I just had enough. I am stronger everyday & learning to move on.

The best thing i can tell you is to follow your intuition. You can feel it in your heart that she's done. I can tell you from experience that if she made no attempt to make you feel special on a day like that, then she probably doesn't care enough to invest any time or energy into the relationship anymore. Especially if she did care before, which it seems like she did since you mentioned this being only the 2nd year of her doing this.

I know we're all human and make mistakes, and I commend you for trying to move past hers and still trying to make the relationship work. Honestly tho, if she's done then you have a decision to make. You have to decide if she's worth it to you and fight like hell to win her heart back, or cut your losses and try to end things on good terms, (i don't know her so am only hoping for you here). I'm sure there's much more to the sorry that makes your decision much more difficult but once you do make a decision at least it's something you can work towards as opposed to feeling like your banging your head against the wall trying to make things better but getting nowhere. I'm here to listen if you need it. I know what it's like to be in an unhealthy relationship and feeling like you have no wait out. I hope you find your way out of yours.


Hidden in reply to -Sasha-

I just can't be alone. I spent so much of my parents divorce alone, I might as well be in prison or dead. I'll have to do what finalyfree did to get to anywhere near stepping down.

B4andafter in reply to Hidden

Hi Dave. I know it's scary to be "alone". From my own fear of being alone, I ended up in relationships that weren't good for me; I see that now. I think it's harder for men to be alone than women as women tend to have female friends for company. You never really know yourself or what you're capable of until you spend time alone and yes, it's scary but being with anyone to avoid it could bring on a bigger set of problems by spending time and energy with the wrong person, possibly marrying them and having children only to divorce later. I'm not saying this will happen but the fear of being alone increases the odds. If you can find a hobby or engage in a sport that would help. I don't know if volunteer work is something you would consider but it would get you around people and not feeling so alone but without the pressure of hooking up. If you can think of being with yourself as an opportunity to know what makes you tick vs a death sentence, that could change your perspective. Hang in there!

I am sorry for what you are going through. when your wife admitted to the affair, did you two seek marriage counseling? If not here is a number for a great organization that can offer you some free counseling advise and refer you to counselors in your area 1-855-382-5433. Also here are some references about shattered vows. I hope these help. What you need to do is lay it on the line and ask her point blank. If she is willing to work with you to save your marriage. If she says yes then you two need to get into a good marriage counselor, preferably a Christian one. If she says no then your suspicions will be confirmed. I will keep you in my prayers.

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