What if....

[Needtovent]

I get the idea of accepting the anxiety. I did pretty good today. It started out difficult, but with the things I had to do, I got through the better part of it. An afternoon trigger set me off again, but fortunately I talked through it with my husband. I was going to take loraxzapam but I was feeling decent. Then a new ‘what if’ scenario appeared and here I am with a new knot in my stomach.

Can anyone tell me something they do to stop the ‘what ifs’? The possibilities seem so real. As stupid as the scenarios are, they are things I don’t want to happen.

I’m tired, didn’t sleep well last night, and I’m not looking forward to tonight. I shall try some of my past advice , but am open to new ideas. I need some feedback folks.

[Jeff1943]

The 'What ifs' are another example of how anxiety makes everything seem ten times worse than it is, the worst case scenario. You know in your heart that they're unlikely to happen and even if they did you would deal with them. You know that but your anxiety is over ruling your common sense.

You should treat annoying 'What ifs' the same way as you should all the other symptoms of anxiety. You should accept them for the time being. You should accept them utterly. No fighting them. Simply do nothing. Let them come, they are merely strange thoughts, glitches of your hyper sensitive nervous system. You are allowed to have strange thoughts, after all you suffer from anxiety disorder.

Remind yourself they will not put you in harm's way. Because if you continually respond to them with fear, the fear hormones this releases only serves to keep your nervous system over sensitive thus prolonging the 'What ifs' and any other strange ideas.

So accept them for the moment and gradually 'acceptance' will replace fear and your nerves will heal. It will take a while, this is no 24 hour cure. You are retraining your mind and your natural reactions to thoughts and symptoms that come your way. Acceptance takes time but worthwhile things are not easily won.

[Needtovent in reply to Jeff1943]

Thank you Jeff1943. If that’s your birth year, I shall call you ‘ older than me Jeff’. Lol. I guess I hadn’t thought to think of these thoughts in the same way as the physical symptoms because they seem so real! So I will give this a try. I think I can do it simultaneously with Kenster1 and justanote ideas below. Do you think writing down counter thoughts which are more reasonable, would be inadvertently giving too much attention to the ‘what ifs’? You seem quite knowledgeable on this subject so will appreciate your further thoughts.

[kenster1]

write little positive words on a piece of paper carry it around with you and when you feel negativity creep in take out and remind yourself of positivity in the words you wrote.

[Needtovent in reply to kenster1]

Thanks. I have a think-up app on my phone which I should use more. You can record such words in your own voice.

[kenster1 in reply to Needtovent]

yeah that sounds great.i sometime take pictures of my kids with me and when I get down I look at it and that cheers me up.

[justanote]

I have found success with writing down my "what-ifs". It helps me to get them out of my mind and onto paper. Then I can sort through them from a more logical standpoint. Sometimes I write down statements that counter my thoughts. For instance, if I'm worried that my husband is going to get into a car accident, I would counter that with "It's possible that he may have an accident, but he's a good driver and doesn't usually take chances." You don't want to give yourself false information, but you do want to remind yourself about what you know to be true. I also write out prayers to God, telling him all of my fears. If you have a Bible, I would suggest reading from the Psalms (40, 62, 139). I'm praying that you will find your way through your anxiety to a life of peace and joy!

[Needtovent]

Thank you. See my reply to Jeff above and whether he has any further thought. I think I try to think of the counter, more reasonable thought, but haven’t written them down which may be more helpful. When I do it in my head, I end up having this back and forth conversation and drive myself bonkers. I love psalms so I will have a look.

[Jeff1943]

Yes, Needtovent, I am an 'older than you Jeff'. That little cameo photo of me was taken in central London during the 'mini-blitz' in WW2. There may have been a world war on but we still had time for happy snaps!

I have no professional qualifications, I merely pass on what I know from the method for recovery from anxiety and depression first set out in 1962 by Claire Weekes in her first book 'Self help for your nerves' still selling like the proverbial hot cakes all these years later. Her method is based on four imperitives: Face - Accept - Float - And let time pass. 90% of 1,600 Amazon book reviewers who have read her books in the last few years rated them Very Good or Excellent.

I think your idea of writing down positive alternatives to counter the negativity of What-ifs is an excellent idea. The important thing is not to block the bad thoughts out because if you do that, or engage in distractions, you are not accepting the symptom or bad thought for the moment. And we must utterly accept the bad thoughts if we are to disarm them for reasons I have given previously.

As we lose our fear of anxiety, whatever form it takes, because we understand that its power is limited then we arrive at a stage when eventually we can wake in the morning and say to ourself: "Strange thoughts are irritating but frankly it doesn't bother me too much whether I have them or not because they hold no fear for me." When you reach that stage the days of your What-ifs or strange ideas are numbered.

As someone more knowledgeable than me (who recovered using Professor Weekes' Acceptance method) said:

"Learn to live with your anxiety

and you'll be able to live without it."

[Needtovent in reply to Jeff1943]

Thanks again Jeff. You make so much sense. You may not be a ‘professional’ but you are certainly very well versed in this process, articulate, and most importantly, able to state it in such a way that we can understand.

So grateful for this discussion.

And btw, I’m right behind you. If there was another needtovent, I’d have added 1960 to my screen name. 😉

[Needtovent in reply to Jeff1943]

I’ve pasted some of this response into a note on my phone that I can refer to quickly!