Feelin' down about my current life and future. 😔

[May_xoxo]

Today was an alright day until I decided to go on Wattpad and start reading stories. The main character in the book reminded me of myself, in the way that I never feel good enough. I deal with anxiety on a daily basis but my depressed thoughts only really happen when they get triggered. So when the thoughts do come, it really hits me hard.

I feel like nothing good ever happens in my life. When things are seeming to turn around I know just another disappointment will come from it. It's like I'm hoping for the day that I will wake up and everything will be different. That one day, my anxiety will just disappear but deep down I know it won't. And it doesn't make it any better that my family doesn't take mental health seriously unless its something they see as extreme like schizophrenia. I even recently find out that when I was younger I was diagnosed with selective mutism. But my parents didn't do anything about it. So, I also think that I harbor some resentment from my parents because I wonder what my life could have been like if I would've gotten help all those years ago.

And the way I found out, was so insensitive. My mom just threw it out there in front of everyone at the dinner table. She said it like it was nothing. I forgot how the conversation came up but all I do remember was everyone laughing. It was like a nightmare in real life for some with social anxiety. I felt so small in that moment. I never confronted my mom about because I don't think anything she has to say would change how I feel about anything.

I'm writing all of this to say, that I'm looking for help.

[Hidden]

Hey there, first of all, I am so sorry that you had to go through all of this. I’m sorry that you mom embarrassed you at the dinner table. I’ve been on the receiving end of things like that as well, not necessarily with my mom, but my sisters have done that to me & it only ended up hurting me worse.

It’s hard for people to understand mental illnesses unless they’ve studied it or have it themselves. I think that people just think we should “suck it up” & get on with our lives anyway, but no one ever knows how we wish it were that easy.

Thank you for coming here to us for advice, support, & friendship. We really are an amazing little group & I think you will love the people here. They really get you. We all do. Because we are a lot like you.

I’m sorry that a story on wattpad felt too much at home for you that it ruined your day. I love wattpad stories, how about the next time that happens, find something else to read or do? I know it can really trigger you into thinking negative thoughts & I don’t want you suffering like that, you know? Have you ever tried therapy to help for your social anxiety? I promise that it could help you. Having someone to talk to & teaching you techniques to handle your symptoms of anxiety can really help you learn to deal with your troubles in a more healthy way. Also, have you ever talked to your family about how all of this makes you feel? Do you have anyone in your life that you can trust to understand you? Maybe talk to that person. I’m really proud of you for coming here. This is an amazing first step to taking your life back. You can have an amazing life with social anxiety. We can get through this together, because guess what, I have it too! I wish you all the best! Xoxoxo

[lilo20]

I understand you completely feeling like another disappointment is around the corner I do that as well. I assume that everyone is out to get me and no one is sincere so that my feelings won’t be to hurt when it comes back I’m right. I’m sorry your going through this alone I wish I could give you a hug but just know your here for a reason your going through what your going through for a reason. And u wouldn’t be in it if you weren’t strong enough to handle it try to stay positive when u feel a negative thought come on try to block it.

[AnonymousLlama]

I know it sounds cliche, but you can't wait for good things to happen in your life, you have to make them happen. I'm not saying that it's easy or that you can have total control over everything in your life. It isn't. You can't. But you're the one that has to change things, by figuring out what you do have control over and working on that, even if its just gradually, in small steps. You've already taken the first step by reaching out for help.