"Just joking" rant

Ok, so for background, I've been diagnosed with moderate OCD, but only my parents and a few of my friends know (and now any random stranger reading this on the internet, but that's a different discussion).

Recently, extended family was over at our house for a visit, and my second cousin (she's around my mom's age) started talking about her and her husband's neighbor. Apparently it had snowed and the neighbor had shoveled her driveway and sidewalk. Seeing that my second cousin's driveway and sidewalk weren't shoveled, she went ahead and shoveled theirs too. Nice, right? Well, my second cousin's husband posted on Facebook about how their "crazy ocd neighbor" couldn't handle her drive and sidewalk being shoveled and not theirs, so she shoveled theirs as well.

I'm pretty uncomfortable at this point, but everyone around me is just laughing, including my parents, going on about how "weird" it is. Now, I'm not sure if this woman actually has OCD or not, but either way, what they're doing is wrong. If she does have it, then they are poking fun at a woman with a mental illness (doing something nice and completely harmless, mind you), and if she DOESN'T have it, then they are making a joke out of a mental illness.

Anyways, I usually enjoy these peoples' company, and I am always anxious of making people upset, so I didn't say anything. I wish I had. But it just hurts my heart that these people I love are making fun of and POSTING TO FACEBOOK about this woman and she didn't do anything worthy of that kind of ridicule in the slightest! She shoveled her driveway and sidewalk.

I dunno... I guess I just wanted to get that off of my chest. If you read all that, thanks. Have a lovely, peaceful day and keep your chin up.

[No1wthayla]

Horrible. If someone shoveled my driveway and sidewalk, I would go thank them. Maybe bake some cookies for them. Why do so many people immediately go to the hate? If I had done the shoveling and they had said anything to me, I would have went back and shoveled the snow back onto their driveway and sidewalk. Maybe with a little extra too.

[Hidden in reply to No1wthayla]

I know! It was a genuinely nice thing to do!!! Ah cookies... I want cookies now xD I don't know. It seems like hate is just flowing out of people recently, and I don't get it. Haha! I wouldn't blame you

[Starrlight]

Wow that stinks. I can relate. When people close to me have put down homeless people in front of me as I am helping them it pisses me off. I don’t even care if it’s “their fault” or what I just see a person in need. It’s similar what you went through. So thoughtless.

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Ya it does. Ugh, I hate that people do that. Like can't people just be kind???

[Hidden]

That goes to show people will always have something to say either if you do good or bad you just can't please them, and making fun of someone with mental illness says more about them

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Very very true. It really does. It took me by surprise too... they're usually all about being kind to others, so this felt like it was out of left field.

[Concernedparent23]

Firstly, I’m sorry to hear about your diagnosis, I hope you’re able to access some help for the issues it causes you.

unfortunately the term “OCD” seems to have slipped into everyday language and i often hear it being used in a very casual way.

Usually it’s describing a situation where Person A is putting in a lot more effort or taking a lot more care over something than Person B.

Person B then says Person A has “ocd”.

Sometimes it’s used in a self-deprecating way, where a person goes to a lot of trouble with something and realised they’re being a bit over the top or else they’re embarrassed about it and they’ll say something like “oh don’t mind me, I’m a bit OCD about things like that”.

I honestly this type of use comes from ignorance about the condition. If they realised how much anguish it can cause and how damaging the intrusive thoughts are that come with it then they may not use it in that way.

It may be that this lady does have the condition - in which case they are being unkind.

Or it may be they are just being sloppy or lazy with their language and are ignorant about the condition.

In this case you can either gently explain to them about the condition and raise their awareness or choose to let it go and have them display their ignorance to everyone

On the plus side at least people are aware that there is a condition called OCD these days, but as ever the Awareness raising has a long way still to go.

[Hidden in reply to Concernedparent23]

Thank you. Yes, my therapist gave me coping skills and whatnot, so I've got some defense.

I've noticed that as well. It's used as an adjective. Many mental illnesses are. I try to always make it a point to correct people and tell them that they are not adjectives or feelings, they are illnesses.

You are very right.

I was so taken by surprise that I didn't know what to do. Also, I've got social anxiety as well, so that doesn't help in confrontation. Particularly with people older than me. I really wish I had said something, and I'm thinking about contacting her to talk about it.

Hip hip hooray for awareness!!!

[Concernedparent23 in reply to Hidden]

I’m glad you have some help with this.

You’re so right about it happening with other mental illnesses. I’ve noticed it particularly with Tourette’s and bipolar.

I raise a conversation about it if I have the energy and if the person seems amenable. Otherwise I practice letting go.

It does make it difficult when it’s family.

Sleep on it. I find the words I want to say come easier then and I deal with the situation more appropriately.

[Hidden in reply to Concernedparent23]

Me too.

Depression and anxiety too! If someone's tired or nervous or upset about something. Those are feelings, not illnesses! Ah it kills me. People at my school do it all the time.

I agree... if the person is obviously not going to listen, I don't even try.

I plan to. Thank you for your calmness and wise words. Your name is concerned parent... I have so much joy that you are a parent and and I'm so glad that you are on this site. Your child is in good hands from what I can tell.

[quitter333]

Idk.. i MAYBE have a very mild ocd but i see it as being orderly. I dont "need" to do things or even complete them, but i enjoy seeing results and making people around me happy. I have done a lot of tedious work for others just because. I think by doing thst i simply desired learning the feeling of doing that shit.

Idk

Probably weird, but i like order and being usef. Is that ocd or simply being a better humsn being idk..

Never was a fan of "chilling" so unless theres really good preferrably physical entertainment, id often enjoy work over just sitting sround.

Do you really got ocd? How can you tell? It interferes with ur life somehow? Im under impression you can diagnose things only when they impede ur life

[Hidden in reply to quitter333]

Hmmm.... based on my personal experience, (and I'm no psychiatrist, so don't take this as a professional diagnosis or anything of the sort, I have 0 qualifications) you may merely be a perfectionist? If you don't feel the "need" or go into a panic when you don't do said things, I would guess it's not OCD... maybe extreeeemely mild OCD?

Not weird, it's a journey. It may be both.

Have you looked up ADD or ADHD? If sitting around and doing nothing bothers you, you might have one of those mildly. Then again, you may just be an active person and prefer movement. Do some research, I'd suggest.

I really do. How mine shows up normally is in checking locks, doors, number patterns, ect. I would never really recommend self-diagnosis. You can guess at what you may have so you know what to bring up in an appointment, but always go to a therapist or psychiatrist for diagnosis. Again, I'm no doctor, so don't take my opinion as medically sound or solid... merely my thoughts on the info you've given me. I'd recommend making an appointment with a therapist near you if you are able. Best of luck!

[quitter333 in reply to Hidden]

Comprende. I was just curious why would they call woman sweeping more streets than needed as having ocd.

No, you are right about self diagnosis, i avoid that.

But I have dedinitely noticed there sometimes is a really thin line between normal and overly orderly/ overly careful etc.

[Hidden in reply to quitter333]

Yea, me too. My guess is that is was more out of ignorance than anything.

Ah, good. Just wanted to be sure

It is indeed a fine line. If you do end up seeing someone, let me know how it goes? Good luck

[AuntBee]

Wow, the guy actually made fun of someone on fb who did a random act of kindness? There is nothing wrong with the woman who shoveled, but there is something wrong with your second cousin’s husband. It’s called being ungrateful. I’d be curious the kind of reaction he got from his friends. Like if they post how ignorant he is or clueless and that they wish his neighbor was theirs. As to the misuse of the OCD term, maybe you could let your patents know his comment was hurtful. They may not get it or they were also caught off guard. If it’s brought up again you could tell him to chill on that.

[Hidden in reply to AuntBee]

Yup. That wad my reaction as well. I agree. Me too... I wonder if anyone has said anything... I think I'll look on his post in a minute to see if anyone commented. I think I will talk to my mom. I definitely want to say something if that situation ever presents itself again.

[Hidden in reply to AuntBee]

All right, I looked up the post, and it was a video of her shoveling her yard (whoo people went wild over that) and 37 comments. Out of ALL THIRTY SEVEN COMMENTS there was I think ONE even mildly in her defense. It was that maybe she was doing that for a dog to go outside, and the person said was glad she wasn't their neighbor because she'd done that before.

I'm really upset.

I talked to my mom and she said she hadn't even thought about it being mean. She apologized and said that she should have noticed. I'm glad about that.

I'm going to send this message to my second cousin (names out for privacy):

"-----, there's been something bothering me ever since you came here and told us about your neighbor and the snow. I would like for you and ----- to consider and think over what I've got to say.

How do you think your neighbor would feel if she saw -----'s Facebook post of a video of her with 37 comments on it? Do you think she'd think it was funny? I think she would be hurt and embarrassed. I've been diagnosed with OCD, and it is a real thing that controls you and makes you think differently. I don't know if your neighbor really has OCD or not, but either way, I have to say I don't think ----- should have posted about her or you should have talked about her. If she does have OCD, then you are making fun of her mental illness. If she doesn't, you are making an adjective out of a mental illness and belittling the struggles of those that really have it. I don't think that either of those things are things to be proud of. I love you both very much, but I also don't believe love is agreeing with everything loved ones do and say. I think love is telling them when you think they messed up or when you disagree.

This has just been on my mind for a while now and I needed to say something."

[AuntBee in reply to Hidden]

Your was letter sounds good. Good job! I agree if your neighbor learns about the post she would feel embarrassed for doing a kind act. I would include that they consider deleting the post. Hopefully they understand. I’m glad you spoke to your mom. Should the second cousin reach out to her after receipt of your note, she’ll be ready.

And by the way, i have a nice shoveled area in my backyard for my dogs to go potty

[Hidden in reply to AuntBee]

Thank you! I will include that, good idea! I hope they do too. I hope so.

Ahaha that made my night! Thank you so much for your support and kindness!

[Calm_mama in reply to Hidden]

Excellent letter in response to the situation.

Assertiveness is a skill that is learned. Great job!

[Hidden in reply to Calm_mama]

Thank you so much !!!

Ah, it's been a process haha. Thanks!

[LuvSun]

I feel exactly like you do- it was a very kind gesture of the neighbor to shovel the sidewalk. Too bad more people can’t be like that or appreciate it! You are compassionate and that is wonderful.

[Hidden in reply to LuvSun]

It really was quite nice of her. I know! Aw thank you!

[Arniestal]

Is there such a thing as "mild ocd"? I always thought you had it or not. I've since found out I've had it as a child, I don't know any other way. Ocd is horrendous, you are forced compulsed to do and redo things you do not want to do.

Yes people making fun of someone clearing a drive are not very nice, why would anyone do that.

[Hidden in reply to Arniestal]

Yes there is. You can have any varying level of it. It may be extremely severe and life-impairing, or just a mild annoyance. I'm sorry you have it. It is awful.

She responded that her husband and the neighbor have a long history of odd occurrences and funny situations, and he just considered this another one of those. They deleted the post and apologized. I think it was mainly out of carelessness and ignorance.