For most of my life I have been a reserved person. During my teens not many people knew the real reason why. I recall very well kids always asking me why I never spoke or said anything. I didn't choose to be a little more weird and a little more silent than the rest of the kids. My biggest insecurity is what held me back and kept me from meeting people my own age. I used to blame all my problems on my crooked teeth.
This insecurity of mine began when I was only 11 years old. I had a few occasions where I had a couple of kids pick on me for something I couldn't change, my crooked smile. This kids themselves however were bullies and people nobody wanted to be around. They hated that I was the smart "nerd" and a very intelligent one so they had to find a flaw in me to make themselves feel better. They were jealous that they could not fix themselves so they targeted me instead. Unfortunately their words got the better of me and they haunted me for the rest of my youth. I became very obsessed with hiding my smile from the world and I avoided conversations. I was paranoid and I didn't want to talk or get up in front of the class for the fear of rejection. When girls approached me I would be terrified. I loss so many great opportunities all because of fear and I payed a high price for that. Man just thinking about it all makes me feel like this was all during another lifetime.
Let me explain. I worked right after high school and earned enough cash after 2 years to afford some braces. I also quit my job at the cold lonely factory that I had survived in and I began to work in jobs that exposed me to people instead. I did retails just about in every store in town. From Auto parts to fast food to clothing. You name it. I fought through discomfort day and night in an attempt to make up for all the loss years of socialization. With time the awkward moments paid off. I began to develop myself and became more natural with people. In almost 3 years not only did my teeth change with the braces, but my attitude did as well and so did I. I did not realize that until now. Everybody knows me and a lot of people enjoy being around me. I surround myself with business like people and I chase perfection. Every now and then I get nervous still, but I always try to stand out from the crowd and do more than the rest to connect with people. I don't run anymore.
So here I am now just about to start a new job at 23 with a big dealership. They chose me and few others amongst 50 people to be the face of the company. Am I ready? Will the past dictate my future? I am still reserved at times but nowhere near as shy. Just a little awkward, but people overlook it. I fear making a mess of things. But they all trust me. They see something in me. A life of wealth, happiness, and new friends can await me soon, if I choose to persue it. So why would I want to go back to the old life? This is everything I fought for. I went from being that shy awkward kid in the class, to a factory worker, to now almost a business man. You know what? Yeah I think some things do pay off. I want more than just average.
I dont know why i am sick 
Why am i not allowed to feel my emotions? Why am i not allowed to feel my anger? 
Why can't I tell how I feel?
I am the great pretender 
Why am I so low-functioning and still repelled by household chores?
