EVERYTHING IS ALL WRONG

[Cocoon3]

I’m going to explain a quick overview again in my life & why I feel as I do :

• the 3 loved ones Who I had to always turn to and who was always there for me, have all 3 died within the last five years

• my life and what I have done has never been complemented by my mom and I was brought up we do not share our private and family issues with anyone outside of the house and that eventually ate away at me, a few years ago

• this is my third marriage

• The two prior were physically and emotionally abusive

• The present is I guess I’ll say emotionally abusive because I don’t feel I’m even here (unnoticed) (unimportant) (unattractive).. while others complement me and make me feel alive - i still stick to my vows and no matter how I say it to him, he changes nothing . I don’t feel the strength of love as my protective guard against this whole world

• my 20-year-old has chosen to live the wrong path in life and I know I can’t change it but as a mother it haunts me

• earlier this year one of the three loved ones passed away (my best friend for 20+years . She was my Rock, my shadow- I feel lost . I do not feel whole and not one family member or so called friend in 10 months has knocked on my door just to see how I’m doing . Then my husband, Who seem to of loved her when she was alive, & would ask me is she coming over this week I hope she is you know and included her and family gatherings etc. but now when I speak her name ..it’s like I’ve spoken the worst curse word- ....... 💕to me why even Love someone in your life, for so long as I did and after they die, just zip it up & never talk about them, like sweeping them under the rug & all the memories to not exist!! that’s bullshit !!! (to me) that to me, means the person didn’t mean shit to you or made any type of impact on your life. you know when I die, I want people to talk about me - I hope I have some type of legacy left behind .he’s never known the love of a friend for that many years that’s not blood related, but still if he loves me as he says Ha !! You would think he would acknowledge I even speak of her & sit & share that moment w/ me- I would to him.

••my outline could go on & on .... let’s say this, in 6 yrs, I have had to encounter 9 NEGATIVE LIFE CHANGING EVENTS ..

.......... SO, THERE YA GO, THATS SOMEWHAT MY STORY.. And please if you go to comments please please do not make any drama out of this !! this is been my life and I’m tired.. I am really really tired and I need friends not drama

[Emily16]

I’ll be your friend.😊

[Cocoon3 in reply to Emily16]

Thank you 💕

[Emily16 in reply to Cocoon3]

We all need good friends in our lives. Message me anytime!!

[Hidden]

Im sorry for your losses

[TriggerPoint]

I feel ya.... you're not alone. If you need me ? Send me a message anytime. I have been right where you are at [ and not that long ago either ] .... It's actually shocking at what we have in common. Right here for ya~*

[Cocoon3 in reply to TriggerPoint]

Thanks so much & im sooo sorry...we have negative things in common😢 but at least we have this forum.. it’s not like having a friend by your side face to face but it’s better than feeling completely alone ... I’m TRULY sorry that your story is very similar to mine 😢

[Indifferentlycalm]

I don't think there's a better place to find good friends than here, im here to chat anytime

[Cocoon3]

I wish (our group) could meet in person ... just saying..... you know I’m sure, we all have groups within each of our communities BUT...sometimes it’s ALOT easier to talk to others ‘openly’ when you have never met them before, or don’t have the worry that who you talk to may know someone that knows you.

If you are like me, I live in a small community (where everybody knows everybody), so hummm! 🎼 Just like this song ... Thinking Out Loud 🎼