Blindsided

[Wrathchild]

Hello, my first post here. I'm a 25 year old male and I've been kind of a casual depression/anxiety sufferer for a while. Never got it formally diagnosed or anything cause I can't really afford it and am honestly a little scared to.

The reason I'm here is because I had about a two and a half week break from all of my symptoms. I met a girl on OKCupid and we hit it off immediately. We had a lot in common and we would text each other late into the early morning. We went on our first date, a walk in the park. We had a great time, we held hands, sat together on a bench, then went and got Five Guys afterwards. We ended the night with a hug and we each went home. We had planned to go minigolfing a week later on our second date, but the night before she tells me there's another guy. She had been pining for this guy for a while and her biggest endorsement for this guy was mentioning that when she hugs me, it's "awkward but nice" and when she hugs him it's like her anxiety just melts away. She did the same for me so I understand the allure. She said she needed time to decide what direction she wanted to go. I knew I wouldn't be able to compete with that and sure enough a couple days later she texts me and tells me that she's pursuing a relationship with him. I felt completely blindsided as I hadn't even known he existed this whole time.

Short of it is I know I shouldn't beat myself up much or at all about this not only considering it was my first relationship ever, but that it wasn't even a month long. My anxiety and depression have come back with a vengeance and I've been back to being unable to sleep. About to spend NYE alone after spending Christmas alone because I'm too introverted or shy or socially awkward or whatever to be able to just go out and talk with people. That's probably part of why I invested myself so heavily into this relationship so early.

As far as a background on myself goes, I'm a nerdy, shy, introvert that kinda just spends all day on the computer playing video games. She was into pretty much the same and I know that's not necessarily unique but we're hard to find out in the wild. Probably another reason I invested myself so much into this.

Anyway sorry for the incredibly rambly post.

[Ripley7]

I would probably steer clear of those dating sites. I’ve been on a couple of them and have met more unsavory and shady people than otherwise. I did end up dating a guy from okcupid actually and we’ve been together for about 3&1/2 years but the relationship started out with a lie that I found out about a month or so into the relationship that he was way older than what he stated on the site. About 10 years difference. It just so happened to be noticed by me when I happened to look at his drivers license because we were just joking about silly id pictures or something. I was pretty upset - not so much about the age difference but that he could so easily lie to my face and then blow it off like it no big deal.

I’m very big on being truthful, so since then that’s always stuck in the back of my head making me wonder what else he could be lying about.

Also he has a drinking problem- has had 3 dui’s since we met. Not good. Gets kind of mean when he drinks too as well.

These are things that I could have discovered in a better way before jumping into the relationship and getting invested.

My advice...don’t waste your time. If you want to meet people you have to put yourself out into the world at least a little bit.

There are many things you can do that put you around people ...be active in the community, volunteer, visit the library, grocery shop, you can work part time at a decent restaurant, golf resort, etc...that can likely put you in the path of people that aren’t desperately seeking someone/anyone to date.

I even noticed online there are gamer communities and events - just googled it but here’s a link to a good article with some resources:

google.com/amp/s/amp.thegua...

Hope this helps. But probably steer clear of the dating sites. Lotta strange folks with major issues I met even before the bf- had me a little scared a time or two. Be careful!

Good luck and don’t try too hard- put yourself out there a little more, smile, make eye contact, you don’t always have to get their number - just practice the pleasantries until you start to feel a bit more sure of yourself. Self confidence in a guy is very attractive- not too much of course. You sound like a pretty nice guy so hang in there. Good luck and keep us posted on how things are going!

[Wrathchild in reply to Ripley7]

Thanks for the response. Thankfully this is the first and probably last experience I've got with dating apps. I think self confidence is probably my major issue and it's hard to look at this experience and not have it hurt my confidence at least a little bit, but I've been working at it.

I definitely will post updates on this.

[Junster92]

Hi fellow gamer-introvert anxiety sufferer You are not alone

[lolavee1]

The world is a beautiful place wen u really look. My anxiety and depression got its worst after i persued a relationship wit a guy i met online. It was a beautiful relationship wat i thougtht until i found out about the other girl. You never really heal from tht but i learned u cant lock ur self away and hope for happiness u kinda got to suck it up and go out there. Its hard now but things will get better. you cant get to the top till you overcome wats at the bottom.

[Wrathchild]

I don't know how people normally do updates on here, but I'm doing a bit better. I figure this sort of thing shouldn't have affected me this much since the relationship was so short (she had officially become my girlfriend less than 24 hours before the news was broken to me about the other guy). I've got a daily journal app that lets me log my mood for the day and leave notes so I can track what I had been doing that day. I tend to go on late night walks as I prefer the quiet and it gives me a lot of time to think, but I've decided that I want to start spending at least a couple hours a week out in public and maybe meet some people. Other than the date in the park I think the last time I went out and did something by myself was an aquarium visit a few months ago and I can't say I was very sociable.

[Hidden]

Hi , you don’t have to look for any reason and get disappointed maybe she just wasn’t ready for relationship or you both don’t click in real life don’t be disappointed because there is lots of good and honest woman out there!! I think maybe you get close to fast and develop feelings just take it easy your still young...

[Concernedparent23]

Wrathchild im glad you’re feeling better.

You seem to have some really good strategies for self care, keep going with those.

First affections are so hard on everyone no matter how long they are - think of all of the works of music, poetry, art and literature there are concerning unrequited love.

I like your decision to get out in the world a bit more.

What about volunteering somewhere, or using your IT skills to help people become computer literate?

You’d be able to talk with a purpose then rather than just “being sociable” which I find awkward at times too.

Or join a walking group. It can be easier to talk about things you Notice along the way.

X

[Jimdubu]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I know when I am feeling depressed and anxious I count my blessings, when you see how much you actually have been blessed with anxiety and depression kind of melts away. I learned this in a book by Max Lucado called Anxious For Nothing. Do you have anyone you can talk to a friend, sibling or your Pastor ? If not hre is the number for a great organization that can offer you some free counselling advise and even refer you to professionals in your area 1-855-382-5433. Also if you feel like your ever in crisis there is a crisis text line at 741741 just text that number and a professional wil get right back to you. Also here is a link for some information, hope it helps bit.ly/2yc8nk5. Prayers my friend