Hello, my first post here. I'm a 25 year old male and I've been kind of a casual depression/anxiety sufferer for a while. Never got it formally diagnosed or anything cause I can't really afford it and am honestly a little scared to.
The reason I'm here is because I had about a two and a half week break from all of my symptoms. I met a girl on OKCupid and we hit it off immediately. We had a lot in common and we would text each other late into the early morning. We went on our first date, a walk in the park. We had a great time, we held hands, sat together on a bench, then went and got Five Guys afterwards. We ended the night with a hug and we each went home. We had planned to go minigolfing a week later on our second date, but the night before she tells me there's another guy. She had been pining for this guy for a while and her biggest endorsement for this guy was mentioning that when she hugs me, it's "awkward but nice" and when she hugs him it's like her anxiety just melts away. She did the same for me so I understand the allure. She said she needed time to decide what direction she wanted to go. I knew I wouldn't be able to compete with that and sure enough a couple days later she texts me and tells me that she's pursuing a relationship with him. I felt completely blindsided as I hadn't even known he existed this whole time.
Short of it is I know I shouldn't beat myself up much or at all about this not only considering it was my first relationship ever, but that it wasn't even a month long. My anxiety and depression have come back with a vengeance and I've been back to being unable to sleep. About to spend NYE alone after spending Christmas alone because I'm too introverted or shy or socially awkward or whatever to be able to just go out and talk with people. That's probably part of why I invested myself so heavily into this relationship so early.
As far as a background on myself goes, I'm a nerdy, shy, introvert that kinda just spends all day on the computer playing video games. She was into pretty much the same and I know that's not necessarily unique but we're hard to find out in the wild. Probably another reason I invested myself so much into this.
Anyway sorry for the incredibly rambly post.