Waking and dying: Hey I'm 19 year old... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Waking and dying

Kashmi19 profile image

Hey I'm 19 year old girl suffering from depression. I feel like I don't wanna live anymore. Each day i ask myself why am I still alive. I feel so tired and so done with everything. My grades are deteriorating, my social life nonexistent, my sleeping schedule going crazy. Some days are so hard that I just want all of this to end. Life feels like a burden.

6 Replies

Sorry you’re feeling this way, do you have a therapist? Or take medication? I had depression since 8 year’s old, I have good day’s and bad day’s have u told your parents about how u been feeling far as depression? Do u have any friends?

Kashmi19 profile image
Kashmi19 in reply to tamka38

No I still haven't consulted any therapist. I haven't told my parents. I have my friends but I feel like they won't understand. I tried explaining to a close friend but he just didn't get it. No one really gets how hard is to live constantly fighting your inner demons, except those who go through this.

tamka38 profile image
tamka38 in reply to Kashmi19

Oh sorry to hear that u can reach out to the Criss hotline they have resources for

U to get the help u need

I totally understand where your head is at right now. I was like that and not that long ago either. The only advise i can off is stay strong you can get through this talk to the one person you trust in the whole world be it a parent friend or even a pet or a plant. Saying your feelings out loud helps so much. I also found that writing them down each day help as well as writing the good bits of the day like waking up and having a shower sounds silly but that was the only good bits at the time i could see. You can get through this.

Remember to put your mental health before school, it matters most. Please hang in there, things will get better for you. I know it will. Just believe things will get better and they eventually will! I’m sorry you’re going through such a hard time right now but remember to not give up. Rain doesn’t last forever soon the sun will shine

Ah Kashmi19 I'm so sorry you're struggling. I'm sending you a massive hug.

Your words echo some of my experience of university. At 19 I went through a very bad time. I can tell you from the future that this too shall pass and I can tell you there is so much joy, love and comfort ahead if you can hang in there. You may not see it now but that's the danger of depression : it will cloud your vision.

You are a valuable and important soul and you must keep yourself alive and safe. That is your biggest job. Not school or family commitments. Yourself. I definitely wish I had known that and prioritised my health a lot lot sooner.

My advice :

* speak to a doctor and get help. Don't be afraid to own this issue and get support. Don't be afraid of medication there are many that could save you so much suffering and you don't have to stay on it forever.

* Start a daily gratitude practice with a list of ten things you are thankful for. Take the time to think them through and feel their meaning to you. Take the whole day to do it if you want. Any spare time you have give whatever it is you are so glad to have some thought. Commit the list to paper every evening.

* Make a list of affirmations about yourself and stick them somewhere. When you are walking somewhere or cooking or busy doing things list them over and over in your head. Eg "I am strong. I am capable. I am safe. I am OK. I am headed for better things. I am loved. I am important. I am learning as I go. I am growing. I am positive. I am talented. I am a good friend. I am a good person."

These last 2 daily practices aren't a cute for depression and I know at my lowest points I would have read them with a roll of the eyes. But I sincerely promise small practices like this change the direction of thoughts and brain activity. I promise this is one of the cornerstones of healing and evolving. If you can commit yourself to these 2 practices I think you will feel a change. Alongside support from your doctor these will help.

The future is bright. If you could see it you would get excited but you can't just yet. You will get through this.

Stay with us and take us on this journey with you.


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