How do you cope with lost friendships?

[SeasonsofTrauma]

I am well aware that you always find out who will truly stand by you. I know I'm not perfect and do not pretend to be. However I am a bit hurt right now after being told by someone who was suppose to be a true friend cut all ties with me. I respect her wishes and just wonder how you all cope. Has this happened to you? Is it wrong to feel misjudged over a silly argument? Any input helps.

[Hidden]

I've had similar experiences with romantic relationships so I can relate in some way. When you're rejected by someone as a friend or otherwise it can make you feel not good enough, or that something in your life will be missing that you won't be able to replace. I would just say to focus on yourself and your goals. If you feel like you're missing this person, get back to a project or hobby you've been neglecting.

[SeasonsofTrauma in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I actually do have some hobbies I need to start up again. Now is the time to do it.

[sadBluebell]

I think that when someone is your friend and then they cut all ties with u - it is one of the most hurtful things u can feel.......after all, this is someone who u have confided in about good things and bad things and u believe they know the ‘real you’ ......... . When a friend did this to me it was extremely painful and it hurt a lot. I have later evaluated that friendship and realized that person didn’t know me at all and the friendship was based much more on me catering to that persons needs and feelings so much that they made no time getting to know who I was.

So after I helped that person thru an emotionally down time and they started meeting new people, suddenly I wasn’t good enough to keep in touch with.

So, I don’t know your situation - but it sounds like maybe they r not giving u a fair break cuz they might have just moved on and r looking for ‘Ez’ Friendships that r more shallow and they don’t have to deal with getting to know someone ‘deeper’.

But do not waste your time on them - u r a valuable person and it’s good to want a friendship that is healthy and not ‘fickle’.

[SeasonsofTrauma in reply to sadBluebell]

Thanks, your last point was my favorite and you (as well as every one who responds!) are actually putting things in perspective. I have to remember my worth it not tied to this one person.

[fauxartist]

we have friends in our lives that we may have thought we were closer to us than they really were willing to be. We can also say things that we can never take back on a bad day or just bad judgement. We will have friends come and go in our lives, and sometimes its hurtful for sure....but we also grow out of some relationships and move on. You will find other friends eventually, but the reality is....most are acquaintances, very few will be very close in our lives. There are different levels of closeness in relationships and it's importat to have a good understanding of what those boundaries are, it helps in knowing how much you can and can't really share.

[SeasonsofTrauma in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you, I can tell you are speaking from a place of empathy. I wish I could not feel the hurt but I think its better than numbness just because when it finally subsides I know Ill have gotten past it. I have to keep your point of "different levels of closeness" in mind for the future Deciphering who I can share what with has been something that I struggle with because sometimes I overshare and sometimes I am so closed off people wonder if I am even a functional human specimen.

[fauxartist in reply to SeasonsofTrauma]

This is what I learned from my therapist.....imagine you have different circles around you....some are farther than others, and the one closest to you is the smallest. You have acquaintances that you may see at a party, or in class, or are part of some group you are in, but you really would not call them friends, and you would not tell them much info about yourself because they don't warrant that level of personal sharing. Then you have the next inner circle....they are people you would maybe be okay with going to the movies with or ride to a party with or go to dinner with, but still you don't have a completely open book about yourself, you still hold back on your inner most personal sharing. These people may know you and like to spend time with you but are not particularly wanting to know intimate details about you and your life, they just want a casual friendship. Then you have a closer circle who you would trust enough to make plans to travel with, and you would share a bit about your relationships but still there is not full disclosure of your 'issm's or any in-depth details of life experiences. Then there is that inner circle that is usually very small, one or two who you can be almost completely open with, and don't go running and screaming when you talk about your dysfunctional family or your 'issms'. But there will always be that bit of yourself reserved just for you, and maybe with your therapist, but no one else. These are different levels of boundaries that will help those of us who never had them before, maintain a good balance of relationships with people socially. Getting into relationships too fast and divulging every intimate detail of your life to an almost perfect stranger is not always a good idea.

I've heard some here say you should be able to say anything you want to anyone in your life, full disclosure.....that's never worked out very well for me. But maybe that has for others.

[Sprinkle1]

I totally agree with Fauxartist, it will and does hurt. But we get over it with time. My Mother told me when I was young and moaning about a girl who treated me badly, "You will probably only have 3/4 good friends in your life", and she was right, so I have been hurt but put myself back together again, saying they did not know what they gave up. Hold you head high and know you are a special person and lovable and enjoy your life to the fullest. I send you hope and love. Sprinkle 1.........xx

[SeasonsofTrauma in reply to Sprinkle1]

Thanks, your mother sounds like a wise lady! Its very true, especially at this turning point in my life where I really am finding out who is real. I try to start a new day and leave the old one behind. The hurt is carrying over for now but it WILL be gone soon. I am just thankful that I can feel free to post my feelings on here as I am trying to process them. I am no good at figuring them out by myself. As odd as that sounds.