Ramblings about my anxiety.....

[Shield_Of_Faith]

Few people I know in the past have asked me " when and where did my anxiety come from?" I tend to wonder that many times over the many years as I struggle with extreme social phobia and middle of the night panic attacks. I think back through my family bloodline and no one really comes to mind. Maybe lucky me I'm the first in my family to have it this bad. I never could make friends, I was terrified, petrified of school in my younger days. I still remember the walk through the halls having a panic attack but can't fall apart in the middle of the hall because I don't want to embarrass myself and cause a scene over a panic attack, i remember my legs felt so numb like jelly hoping I don't fall over at any given moment. There are sooooooo many panic attack stories I could share but this page may go on for far to long to name so many small to big anxiety episodes in my life. My point to all this is why am I like this? I tried with different doctors through out the years no one could help me. I know things could be worse. I just idk I wish I knew what a normal everyday life was like. Whether it be going on vacations with friends, going and getting to know everybody at my local church, meeting the one woman I can marry and be accepted. I know, this sounds like ramblings or me sounding stupid but I just always wonder, what would I be like without anxiety?? I can't picture that, everychoice i make tends to have my anxiety fueled by it. So I wouldn't know. But with or without anxiety I Believe in God first. No change to that. I know things in life could be worse I guess the point to this post is just my thoughts I just wanted to get out. I overthink alot I know 'shocking' lol thanks to whoever read all of this. 🙏❤️

[Jennblank7734]

Good evening. I totally get where you're coming from as far as not being able to imagine not having anxiety. I have thought that many times also. I think the same thing about depression and suicide. There are supposed to be people who never, not even once, think about suicide. I just can't believe that. Seriously? I think about it multiple times a day for almost my entire life but there really are people who never have? It's difficult for me to comprehend. I'm sorry your social anxiety is so bad. I know that's really difficult to live with. I haven't been outside in over 3 months now. I will be cheering for you.

[Shield_Of_Faith in reply to Jennblank7734]

Thank you I appreciate you taking the time to read my post. I'm very rarely ever go outside. Once in a blue moon I go out somewhere with my family but I always want to retreat to my home in my room. I'm sorry you have your struggles too. I hope one day we can finally be healthy and happy and live life to the fullest. I hope, even if it'd be just 1% of hope I'll still hope. I'm trying anyway. But anyway thank for your time. 🙂

[mentalhealthandme]

This post made me feel less alone. I have the same experience with panic attacks and so many stories of them. I don't remember a time without this condition. Thankyou for sharing I hope we find peace soon

[Shield_Of_Faith in reply to mentalhealthandme]

I'm sorry you have to suffer this too. But if this helped a little I'm glad.

I agree I hope one day soon we can find peace. 🙏