Why im here: Hello everyone, im new... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Why im here

Crazyme profile image
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Hello everyone, im new here. I have had very mild depression and anxiety my whole life but nothing that bad. About 10 years ago i went into a deep depression and ended up hospitalized after a suicide attempt. After that treatment i was a new man and life was great. I got in the best shape of my life, got a promotion at work, was trying new activities with my wife and our relationship even got closer. Then about 3, 4 years ago it came back...it started slow but progressed to the point im in now. I have lost my house, both of our cars, my motorcycle, and my government job i loved so much at one time. I cut myself off from the outside world, i talked to no one but my wife...i even have a hard time communicating with my children. Shortly after being forced into early retirement and seeing my life crumble i once again tried killing myself. Right in front of my wife and two friends i put my hand gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger...God stopped the bullet by jamming it and before i could free the shell they jumped me and took my gun. And once again back in hospital...but i didnt have the same positive results. We had to move into my inlaws house and its not bad but it has become my prison. I can barely leave my room let alone the house. I was a musician for 30 years and just stopped...i hate music now. I was President of my motorcycle club and i stepped down three years ago and haven't even riden with them since..i no longer enjoy riding. I had a small side business make steampunk hats clothing props and accessories and had client's all over the world then i just stopped and closed the studio. I had so many things i loved doing and now i look forward to two things...my wife coming home from work and sleep. I haven't felt joy in years...im on 5 different meds...i go to a therapist weekly...have a case manager i speak to monthy and nothing is helping so im trying this right now and hope it helps. Sorry for babbling

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Crazyme profile image
Crazyme
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5 Replies
tamka38 profile image
tamka38

Hey am sorry u having a hard time right now. And here if u need me,I hope u feel better soon

Crazyme profile image
Crazyme in reply to tamka38

Thank you. I hope this community can help me through this.

Crazyme I am so sorry that these two enemies (as I like to call my depression and anxiety) Have gotten hold of you so tightly. I am always here to share my personal story and how I have made it through. I believe a lot is what we say to ourselves. If we speak positively to ourselves, we do better to live a positive life. It may seem small but I would like to suggest that you not call yourself crazyme, something that is positive to hold onto and speak to yourself. All I know about you is what you have written and it sounds like you have been an overcomer, a person who perseveres. Maybe you can us one of these words to descript you better. In my thoughts. Beautyoutofashes54

Crazyme profile image
Crazyme in reply to beautyoutofashes54

Thank you so much. It was good to hear that someone understands this instead of people who tell me to just snap out of it...like its easy. Most people i know dont understand and thats probably a big part of why i dont leave my house.

Mesatej profile image
Mesatej

I'm very sad to hear all of that. I wish you could find a place back in your heart for the activities that brought you happiness.

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