20000 members here. I wish we all could meet and laugh. I am holed up in a studio apartment that has one large window that faces many other apartments. This is how we all are too. We can share difficulties but our stares go out unanswered. I used to wonder why my grandmother did not have as many friends as I did when I was a child. I knew about 15 kids and quite a few I could call on the phone and did call on the phone as a teenager. It was hard to imagine all of them disappearing. She had a small crew of ladies that would meet up at McDonalds and took the bus to meet them in the daytime. This seemed desperate to me at the time and I thought that won’t happen to me. Well here I am not close to her age looking at the snow drifting over the parking lot below me. There is dark hanging over the ocean beach nearby. I am starkly aware of how isolated I am. A conversation with a nice human being, even someone else’s grandmother, would be incredible right now. Those kids from my classes and the neighborhood have become just some obscure afterthought. I am middle aged and alone. Going to the supermarket is the extent of my social life.
I was driving the other day just to see people in public. And I pulled over into an old thrift store I used to go to for fun. To my surprise it was packed with people and many seemed to have a purpose. Change of season clothing, some treasure hunters disenfranchised by the slim pickings, and parents who are poor just making a fun day for themselves and their kids. I didn’t find any meaningful people watching there. In the book section I was hoping to find some poetry to read. There was one old book, not poetry, but it had a black and white cover and it was entitled, “A Hell of a Life.” It was inscribed by the author and self published. Inside was an old football betting sheet from 1971 and an address on a cue card from the Bronx. It made me smile. So I bought it. I started to read it last night to combat the loneliness. The author explains that the only reason he wrote and published the book was to share his life story with others so it would not be forgotten and to teach children about the times in which he lived. I yearn to do this myself, I want to somehow communicate my life to others so it’s not just this big windy shoulder shrug. I thought though would it be worth it just to have a lonely person buy it in a second hand shop and read it for company? Well it would be. The book has been an eye opener. I found out just being alone with food and safety is much better than the author had it in his youth. He grew up in the segregated south, hungry, always working and with holes in his shoes. A father who was basically a slave who enslaved him so he could go out drinking. I haven’t finished the book but it’s getting to a part where he comes back home to desegregate his old town.
I lost track of what I was trying to say, I am tired of keeping up with obscurity. At least I am free to complain on a mental health dialogue and drink some tea. Hearing another persons story gives you perspective and if Frank Solomon is able to get past his much harder past then hopefully I can to. At least by writing I taking an action to tell someone how I feel. Hopefully one day in the future I will have a few friends to eat French fries with and I will be able to appreciate it then.
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Tikirob
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Wow. Thanks for posting. I really enjoyed reading your post. Your post mirrors my life to a certain degree. Stay strong.
That was awesome!! Thanks for sharing!!! I also lead an extremely lonely life. I'm also middle aged and I've never been married and have no kids. I know what and how your feeling!!!! I always say to myself why did God put me here? No one ever gives me a chance to show them I'm a good and kind hearted person. I have struggled with multiple problems like my mental illnesses, learning disabilities and epilepsy. Life has been nothing but a painful experience. I guess I have no purpose. I'm hoping to get a dog which helps tremendously with loneliness. Have you had pets in the past?? I'm also in a small apartment so I totally understand what your saying. Thanks again for the post. Your not alone!!!!
Hi! I feel as purposeful as a house plant most days! Thanks for your understanding. I grew up with lots of pets but they presented both positive and negative feelings. When I was 5 a dog pushed me in a pool and I almost drowned. And Now my OCD had me hating all the poop on the sidewalk from dogs. I had cats too and they got me through hard times. When I first went in SSRIs my one cat Leo stayed with me as I loafed in bed for weeks and I felt like he was the only one who understood me. I love animals and I don’t want to rain on your parade but for me I like them at a distance these days. I bird watch now and keep an eye on the sidewalk.
I'm so sorry about the dog who knocked you into the water!!! I totally get where your coming from. I was just looking up OCD which there's a lot that I do that is similar to what I just read. I check and recheck my appearance every few minutes to even seconds! It drives me insane!! Hand wash a lot too. This is just great now I've got OCD too. 😬😳 Yea cats or dogs are great. I'm glad you had that cat to get you thru while you were down. Iv e had such anxiety my whole life that I've been agorophobic for decades. I never go out and haven't in decades! See I'm worse than even you! Like you said I'm more boring than a house plant! Anyhoo I just know I relate to what your saying. Bird watching would be cool being that your in NYC. All I know is that I just struggle daily with so many problems. I'm in bed day after day still wondering why I'm here!
I had that today. My lovely birds became my enemies. They pooped all over my car. Then I had a breakdown over the contamination fears. I am really afraid of it so I just slept all day exhausted from my fears and wondered what kind of life is this! It’s raining so I hope that it’s gone tomorrow do so can use the car. Acrophobia is no joke. My mom has that and is in denial. She walked out of the house and would get stuck on the sidewalk thinking she was having a cardiac episode. They have done all these tests and three years later she still has trouble leaving the house. I hope there are some nice things in your place to keep you entertained.
Too funny but I slept all day too. Just got up like 4 hours ago!! I know what kind of life is this? I agree. Its sad and depressing. I feel as if why am I here if its to just lie in bed under covers not knowing where this so called life will go. I'm sorry you slept the day away too. I work part time NOC shift so I get home at 6:40 am so I was exhausted. I hope you like the birds again. I'm sure they bring you so much joy. I hope you can get past the contamination fears. I wash my hands a lot and use hand sanitizer. Do you do the same? That sucks your mom has the same thing with being scared to leave the house. Its sucks to have that fear cause I still have problems going out like to work! I feel for your mom.
I used to wash my hands about 60 times a day. I had to wear surgical gloves at one point from overwashing. Now I would say I am down to 15 times a day on a great day and 30 on a bad day. If I have to clean or cook that number goes out the window. A big help to me was learning about a supplement called Paragard which helps fend off intestinal stuff and learning that my body has an immune system designed to deal with these things. Ultimately by using peroxide and hand sanitizer in my nose I lost some sense of smell and taste. I also got sick from overuse of bleach and other stuff so I worry just as much my compulsions will harm me as the germs. It’s been a slow process but I have made some improvements over the last 3 years.
I'm glad your making improvements cause that's all we can do!! That's GREAT! Yea I wash my hands like that too. Like you said what your doing to get rid of contaminants is harming you worse than the actual germ or whatever. All you can do is keep truckin!!😄 Sounds like your doing much better. We all have those really bad days. They can really get us frustrated but sounds like your fighting the good fight!!
I love discovering new old poets in thrift stores and brick-and-mortar bookshops...at least, I do, when I get the chance, which isn't very often these days. Excellent post, thank you.
I used to work at Hardees in my teen years, and the same group of elderly individuals came in at the same time each day. My thoughts were very similar to yours. They occupied the same space each time in the front right of the building. They wanted their coffee extra fresh and piping hot. It didn't matter if it was just brewed only moments before their arrival, they wanted it their way and they got it. Some wanted it heated even more, and it didn't matter if I was afraid the heat would melt the cup. I did as they wished because I realized they had valid reasons for wanting it a certain way. In the beginning, I thought they were lonely. Over time, I realized I was the lonely one, and I find myself wanting this for myself.
I agree with those who have commented in that thrift store finds rock and I would buy your book. You write so eloquently. Thank you for your post.
Awww thanks for sharing the Hardees experience. I could imagine you were dealing with a demanding crowd, funny because I hate coffee when it’s too hot. Maybe they talked so long by the time they took a sip it got cold. Another thing about Hardees, not sure if you are old enough to remember this but back in the day they used to give away prizes underneath the plastic cap of Coca Cola soda products. And the prizes would be like, free hash browns at Hardees or a sub at Blimpies but what sucked was in New York City we did not have any of these restaurants, very disappointing, but I want to go to one one day just to see what I missed out on. I guess I have to write a book, can a book be 20
What an interesting perspective that they talked so long it was cold by the time they took a sip. I never thought of it that way. It makes sense because I was busy doing other things that time passed between them receiving their original cup and asking for it to be heated. I do not remember that, but I appreciate you sharing with me. I don't believe I've been to a Blimpies, either, but it sounds delicious!
I can also understand how you feel, I come home from work and once I'm home, it feels like the walls are closing in on me, just existing. I'm lucky I have my amazing cat who is there for me through the good and bad times. I also love books, especially really old books, I love imagining who has read it many years before me. Sadly, when I'm down, I lose my interest in everything. I would gladly share my fries with you, you are not alone, always here to talk anytime.
Hi Tiki, I,d love to meet up n have some Fries (Chips), n a laugh. would be difficult as I'm about 1,300 miles away. 😊 So many lonely people around. N many days my only conversation is with local Shopworkers. But, as you say, I am Warm, Fed n in a safe place, when so many people here are homeless. So I'm lucky. 😊🌻✌️
Thanks! Haha that’s so nice of you. Today I got to go and see a movie by myself and It felt great, sometimes being alone is ok, I had no problems finding a seat for one!
Your post has reflected how I feel too in so many ways. I am more than middle aged, 62 years old to be precise, living in a small apartment. I am in Scotland, every morning I go out for coffee and toast and sit alone just in the hope that I can interact with someone. I also wonder why I was put on this earth, I have no purpose and my depression and anxiety has me prisoner, I can't remember the last time I felt real joy in my life.
Hey Emel, sorry I am just catching up on replies now. Just out of curiosity, do you put anything on your toast? I am allergic to bread but I love it. I sneak it in sometimes just with some butter and jelly, or plain it’s excellent. I think breakfast time is when I realize how alone I am too, the lit up world is just waiting there and you get the sense it will be there again and again, the coffee is the savior keeps you sipping and thinking. I get joy every so often in little spurts. Usually it’s when I see something simple and amusing. In the subways here a transit employee built a clumsy footbridge over a puddle out of discarded bricks and garbage. And people gladly accepted it as a proper way to get over the water. They had a video on television of business men and women balancing on a cylinder block hopping on to a crate and so, some falling into the puddle anyway, I laughed outloud at that, just because it really showed how human nature works in a big city. I really wish I could just talk to someone too, I try to read or doodle at breakfast if I’m out. Otherwise it’s the world that keeps me company. What is s common lunch in Scotland?
Please know that each and every one of you has a purpose. That purpose is to share your insight, experience, pain, sadness, happiness, coping mechanisms, and just anything relative with those who come here seeking solace...seeking compassion...seeking understanding...a kind word.
Even by posting your bad days and dark nights, your loneliness, you allow others to reach out to you on that day. Knowing that tomorrow the roles may be reversed, and that a hand up will be there. We take turns stumbling and lifting one another.
I joined 2 days ago and have seen it over and over. I have shared and been welcomed over and over again.
You may not realize that our loneliness, anxiety, depression has also made us very caring, kind people who may not be able to deal with our own pain sometimes but we will move heaven and earth to try to help each other.
Take just a moment to reflect on how your simple words in reply to someone's post made them smile...maybe even saved their life that day or night. How many times do we say to one another " You are NOT alone" and mean it.
I know, without question, that if we were closer, if we were not constricted by miles...we would all be having those fries...drinking that coffee...holding a hand and genuinely caring.
Do not discount the power of your words. Do not deny that the time you spend here being open about your problems, your fears, and your successes means the world to someone who came here for hope.
Very well said Dominic1117 - this is a good way for lonely, isolated people to communicate with each other and help each other out with a kind word or good conversation!!!❤️❤️❤️
I share your sentiment. Only a few days ago I made a similar request to meet people. It would be nice to talk and laugh about stupid things we have done when manic and share experience of desperate depression with others who actually know what I'm talking about. Many people are kind, sympathetic and supportive but it sure would be nice to know people in person who have actually been there and, in all likelihood, will be again. Our moods do set us apart from other people at times. I'd rather just admit that we are different, find others who are different like me and maybe share a few laughs at ourselves instead of trying desperately to hide from people who don't understand. This is no lofty goal. The world will still be the same. But it would be nice to laugh about something only we who know the things we go through well enough to genuinely help each other and maybe find a laugh or two from time to time. Just my two cents.
I agree, I finding it harder and harder to keep up with my healthy minded friends. I went to my first anxiety group and it felt great to talk to others with my disorder. I just saw a strange film where all the sightless people in the jungle travel and exodus at night together. Together they were this powerful group on a mission in control of their environment. There were no laughs I should mention, haha, it was a serious scene. Yet if we could all gather there would be laughs to be had.
This might give everyone a good laugh..... My man friend and I were talking about having a monkey as a pet, then the conversation turned to our cats. His has no front claws, but can catch mice anyway..So with all seriousness I said, yes, Tessy is really good at catching monkeys !!!!!! He said Oh, that's why all the monkeys have dissapered ! We live in Montana in the pine trees !!!! LOL, for the slip of the tongue.
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I feel Stupid
Tired of this life?
I can’t control any of it
Am I alone?
I am new here
