Do people actually give you advice on your issues here or is it just some pointless emotional support?

[Heruga]

Of the 3+ years I've been here I'm starting to realize that people aren't really looking for any solution but rather looking for emotional support like the 'awww its ok' or 'sending lots of love xox' response. Is that why there seems to be tons of replies on the most ridiculous posts like 'so lonely...' or 'struggling' but 0 replies when someone is asking for real help? This is so sad. To me, this site looks nothing more than a place for people to rant and cry about their problems and not being able to do anything by themselves. Many times I ask a question for help and no one ever cares to answer yet I see the most comments on the most ridiculous posts, which btw is 90% of the posts made in here. I also find that when people announce that they are doing much better no one responds because they are jealous that they are doing better when you are still struggling. My previous post for example.

[Agora1]

Hi Heruga, you and I came onto this forum about the same time 3 years ago. I agree that many are lonely and just want to hear that another human cares. After all, how can we really help with loneliness on a virtual site. Some people just need to rant about their

life situations that they feel have no answers. And then there are others who come here for advice on how to address their mental health issues.

We have to be careful when giving advice. From the very beginning we were told that we

are not doctors and must make sure that any advice we give is more from our own life

experiences with anxiety and it's issues. I've always use my own experiences with anxiety,

medication, therapy and finding other tools that may help. I may recommend some of the

resources I've used that have helped me. It's really more a recommendation of what worked for me. Since we are all different and respond differently it's not really advice.

I have always taken this forum seriously when I respond. I know how others are hurting and are scared. I've been there so I know and I understand. Personally, I always get a little teary eyed when someone does succeed with anxiety and now is ready to move forward in life. So this site is also a place to celebrate the good times as well as support them in the bad. I have never seen jealousy of each other because of successes. That's not to say that it doesn't happen at times.

I don't know what has happened to you that you feel some ignore your posts for "help".

I make it a habit several times a day to scroll through the posts of the day to make sure

no one was omitted with a response. It does happen at times. I think sometimes, people

just don't know the answer you may be looking for and hope that someone with more

experience in that area may respond.

I will agree in that the forum has changed a lot since we first started. New people coming on everyday can get overwhelming in trying to respond to everyone. After all we are all

needy people. I hope you continue to support this forum. It's necessary to keep stability

going so that it doesn't get off track with what we really are here for. We need the support of everyone working together to make this site work. One person is not better than another, it takes unity for this to be successful.

I'm glad Heruga that you used this time to vent your own frustrations. We cannot improve on what we don't know about. Now that you made this more aware, I think we will all take note of people who really need help and advice versus those of us who may be lonely and just want a "It's going to be okay" "You are safe" with xxx's at the end.

I'm here anytime you need a friend. PM me anytime. Have a good evening my friend.

[Heruga in reply to Agora1]

Hey Agora, I haven't seen any activity in you for a while so I thought you were gone from this forum. (Or maybe I was the one inactive and not keeping up). Glad your not because you, and one other person, namely Satsuma are the only ones that actually helped me through a lot over the years. I guess you are right that some people can only receive help through emotional support. Some people may perform better through words rather than direct action. It was from my previous thread I started that triggered me to start this current thread about me being free from sertaline and anxiety overall. I stated that I have been off for sertaline for 3 months after being on medication for 14 years and then went to my last doctors appt. yesterday and was let free from all treatments. So I asked if there is a way to prevent my anxiety from suddenly coming back because it has happened before. But only 1 person responded and my assumption that no one else responded was because I thought everyone was jealous that I don't have anxiety anymore. And getting back to my point, I tried and tried my best all these years to find ways and methods to get rid of my anxiety and I finally was able to at this point. This is why it frustrates me that many people only look for emotional support rather than trying to act upon it and putting in their effort to fix their mental issues. But thanks for responding, good to see that you are still here.

[Hidden in reply to Heruga]

I was actually going to reply to your post about sertraline. Here is what I was going to reply before I deleteled it.

Anxiety is a natural occurrence in life. I don’t think anyone can erase It completely. It will always be a part of you, but it doesn’t have to rule your life. Just keep moving forward and don’t look back to your past with anxiety. Only look back to remember what you learned and your anxiety will not return like it was.

[Heruga]

I agree and if it it does I hope it goes on a completely separate section so I don't have to see it.

[Hidden]

I can understand to a degree of what you’re saying, but like precious Agora above me said, we can only give advice when we know the answer to the question asked. I’ve seen some of your questions before, & I didn’t know how to answer a question about sertraline because I’ve never taken that drug & don’t know much about it. I do know that I’m one of the people that tend to comment “sending you love xoxo” because that’s just what I tend to say to people. Most of the time I am only going off of a few sentences, but that’s just me. Maybe I need to stop doing that & allow others with more profound advice help, but it helps me when I’m really lonely to just have someone there. Maybe that’s just me. There are so many of us on this website, so I am sure that there’s someone here that can help with you with advice that you may have. I hope that you find it. Best wishes, mate. Cheers!

[Eowyn7]

If I feel strongly about what I think someone should do I will give advice. For example, if someone is in an abusive relationship I will tell them they should leave because they deserve better.

But some things I just don't have an answer for, sadly. I don't know how to solve my own anxiety yet, so I'm not sure how one would keep it at bay once it's gone. I'm sorry no one replied to you before. I think the emotional support I have seen on this forum is one of the most important things here. I desperately want more connections and I see people with real friends, and I really hope that can happen for me too. So far I have gotten some support though which I am grateful for too.

[heathermf316]

Hi Heruga! I have to admit I haven't been going through reading any posts lately so I have been zero help but I have also been going through my own med changes and life changes. I try to help people out when I can by answering questions about meds and other stuff as needed. I think there's another site with a forum but I can't think of it right now. I ask questions to try to get answers but I generally post the point straight out. If you have questions, just post them and if someone has the answer they should post. I would seek out other forums to ask the question to ask you well or seek out if someone has asked it on another forum. I hope this is helpful!

[MariaLove123]

I’m a little taken back by some of the things you said. It felt like maybe you were poking fun at us that we just “rant” and “cry.” You’ve been on here for a long time. You should know how impossible it is to respond to every post. Some are unfortunately overlooked. And I’m sorry you didn’t get enough help. If you stay, PM with more people and get to know people better and vise versa. Respond your advice too so you can relate and get involved on posts. I really like this site for many reasons. And one is because it has helped me. That’s why I was surprised you brought up that it’s pointless.

[CornerstoneSolidHope]

Hi Heruga,

I understand your point on this topic greatly. It’s true that many, perhaps most, are just looking for support & understanding rather than advice for recovery. But, there are a few who look for advice that, like you, ask for it, & others like myself as I have in some cases, give it, when we can. If you go to my profile, you’ll see several I’ve responded to with such. Unfortunately, this post is the first one I’ve seen of yours. So, from this point on, I’ll follow you so not to miss others, even if I’m unable to reply to some of them.

Regarding your liberty from meds & mental treatment, congratulations on that victory! And, on how to prevent it from coming back, I’ll give an very short illustration:

Imagine nursing a wound that needs to be covered as it heals, but every time you check it, you notice the dressing’s tape doesn’t properly stick to you to keep the dressing the wound needs to heal in place. So the very things the bandage is supposed to protect the wound from getting keeps coming back.

The reason I mentioned that is because with many things some give up too soon for one reason or another. We do it with diet & exercise, with casually studying a new language, growing in Faith, etc. All too often we don’t stick with the good solutions that work.

So, my question for you, is what, aside from the meds which are supposed to be temporary in most cases, such as daily practices, healthy mental exercises, coping mechanisms have you used that has really been a great help that you could “stick to” to minimize chances of your anxiety coming back?

As I often offer, you’re welcome to reply here, if you’re comfortable but this is more of a reflection question for you that you can ponder in private.

It’s my hope for you that your recovery is everlasting & that peace will fill you & follow you wherever you go!

[Heruga in reply to CornerstoneSolidHope]

I feel like this should be a new thread on "how I cured my anxiety" but I guess I'll reply here. So I have done and tried so many things for the past 14 years to occupy myself constantly so my anxiety won't come. Right now I am working as a horticulturist-plant cultivation and I have a huge passion for plants so I am happy with that and I realized my anxiety has gotten much better after I started pursuing in this career 3 years ago. I am constantly moving and using my body for this job so there is no time to sit and think about anxiety. I also garden a lot of with many different plants and do some botanic studying on them. I've always loved nature as it helps me A LOT with my anxiety symptoms. So why not create nature yourself with all your favorite plants and embrace yourself in a peaceful soothing environment? This is my future dream.

I also made an effort to be more social, especially with females as I was always shy and awkward around them. It was a success and I met my fiance 5 years ago. I really pushed myself on this because I knew this was an issue that had to be fixed sooner or later. I have to say if I haven't met her I probably would still have my anxiety by now and maybe 5 times worse.

I also have other hobbies that I regularly participate in such as playing the piano and competitive bowling. I also started martial arts last year to make myself even more active. I love pretty much all outdoor activities as I am a nature person as I mentioned earlier and I love video games and anime as well.

I think all these things occupy my life good enough and I pretty much deliberately chose to be this active in hopes to cure my anxiety one day and I guess that did work. Now my only hope is I stay active and my anxiety won't randomly come back,

[CornerstoneSolidHope in reply to Heruga]

This is a great feat, Heruga! Many allow anxiety to stop them from participating in life & so you’ve made great strides. It seems you basically occupy your time so not to focus on what makes you anxious. The only thing I’d suggest now to further strengthen your victory is to reject & replace false belief systems with what’s True for situations that trigger your anxiety. Because lots of times what we worry about won’t ever happen, or even if it does, it’s not “all or nothing”.

It’s my hope for you that you keep going forward in doing these things that work for you to enjoy the life you deserve!

[bonkers65]

Sorry but I don't see Emotional Support pointless.

[Hidden in reply to bonkers65]

I also agree that emotional support is far from pointless. It does kind of seem like the original poster was raising his nose to those of us who tend to support each other without giving actual advice other than what we do for ourselves. I’ve always tried to make a point to suggest what has helped me, but only a doctor can properly help if it’s medical advice you’re seeking. Maybe a forum isn’t right for some people? Who knows.

[Want2BHappy3]

I've gotten good advice and given good advice also. I think you think that way because it's Not what you want to hear? There is No one size fits All answers for everybody. Their telling you what's working for them, might work for you?

Are you looking for someone on this site to fix you? Even doctors sometimes can't help us? Maybe give your self a break from this site and seek other options instead of you criticizing those on this site for Not telling you what you want to hear as I said in the beginning. Wishing you the best.

[Sillysausage234]

Sorry you feel most posts are rediculous on here,our wellbeing in my opinoin means not feeling isolated and sometimes kind words are what someone needs to hear to break the cycle of awful thoughts ,meds are a sticking plaster the healing process is about self help,good nutrition ,knowing you are not alone ,but everyone needs to interact even if it’s virtually Especially if your health problems prevent you getting out and about,best wishes,

[Jane_Doe2018]

Hey there, Heruga. I am really sorry to hear that you are going through a rough time with the website changing. For me, I finally see a psychiatrist/therapist/doctor because I have insurance now, I attend online group meetings through DBSA (free), I now attend mindfulness groups in person through my therapists office (free and not bc of insurance), and I have reached out here on HU(free) for extra support outside of the places previously mentioned. Possibly search specifically for posts you are interested in so you don't have to see the "ridiculous" ones. Or, is there a way to delete, block, or change them from showing up on your feed? Maybe message an administrator about possible suggestions to find solutions so you and others who may feel this way can get what you need. I'm new here, I joined last week, so I know this post isn't directed to me specifically- I just wanted to share how I personally use/interact on here. From what I understand (although I think you know this because you have been here for 3+ years), no one can tell you specifically what to do since you should be the one ultimately making those decisions, so I think it may be hard to find the precise advice you may be looking for. We can all share our experiences with certain medicines, therapies, issues, celebrations, but I don't think this site was intended to take place of professional help like doctors and what not. I think it is incredibly helpful when someone can relate to me, like when I was having a bad reaction to medicine, or the joys of having a great day after attending my first mindfulness group. It made me feel less alone in what I was going through and felt encouraging. One of my posts with the most comments is from a good/happy experience and I felt like people in this community really cared about me/my accomplishments. One of my posts with the least comments is about some of the struggles I have been going through. It depends, and I haven't really put much thought into it. I agree with other commenters in that it can be hard to relate or people just don't see it. Personally, I like to check HU every day- sometimes it's only for a few minutes, so I know I am missing a lot of posts; other times, it's longer, and I try to respond back to people. I try to be very thorough and thoughtful when I respond and what I share because I think it does help, and I really do care. I also agree with you in that it really depends on where the person is in terms of wanting help. I have seen posts where some people don't want to put the work in and think there is a magical quick fix, and other posts where people are in a different/farther along mindset where they are able to put in the work and accept suggestions. I think a lot of the posts are from people who are scared and confused, and just need to know someone is out there. Sometimes, feeling like someone is there is enough. I have bipolar disorder, amongst other things, and my days fluctuate. Sometimes I need that emotional support because I am having a rough day where I and my posts are more needy. Other days are great days and I like to share those days because I actually feel good then. It sounds like you are just balls-out frustrated right now with things, and I truly am sorry that's going on because it sucks feeling that way. I hope things improve for you, Heruga.

[fauxartist]

you have a valid point to an extent.... but I do try to help when I can, we can't help everyone with hundreds of new members and posts everyday.... and I agree that many don't have anything to say really, or there are a lot of attention seeking posts that get a lot of hits, or a lot of us play and talk and hi-five each other on posts, but we do have to have a few laughs with friends as this place can get pretty dark some days.... The reality is, there are over 22,000 people here, and only a few bother to take the time to comment. Many don't know what to say, are too caught up in their own problems, some just read, and some are afraid of saying the wrong thing so they say nothing....and for some the best they can do is post a short few words. I have commented here hundreds of times over the last year and rarely get a response from the poster if I don't know them, so just out of courtesy for someone taking the time to care enough to respond, you would think you would get even a thank you....but no....most of the time I do not, and nor do others.

I think we get what we give, and I don't remember you ever commenting on any of my posts either. And many times when I have posted lately, I mostly get ignored, and a few friends will comment in support, but other than that...I would probably not get much response. We cannot change the nature of people, and with this disease, many are just looking for answers for themselves and not really interested in commenting on others posts, unless sadly it's drama ....

[AllHis]

Your question is a good one. An honest question. It was just asked in an insulting way. Like most suffering people, there is a climax where you just cry out, " enough already!" You want answers and you want them yesterday!

For some, " answers" are " you can do this..."

For some, " I've been there. Try this."

And for others, " until you do this, you're going to experience this..."

SO...there is a certain level of maturity and experience needed to advance in life's difficulties. In order for this forum to prove beneficial, we must be willing 1.) to meet people where they are at, and 2.) to extend our help years beyond are needing help.

I'll be honest. I had to leave this forum for a bit, because of the anxiety to "fix people." I first had to seriously care for myself before commenting to posts here.

Please ask yourself if there is another group in HealthUnlocked that may assist your advancement in healthy living. I just love the group in Fatty Liver Foundation. It was there that I was able to help myself. Who of us can afford NOT to support their liver in diet?!

I would also add clinical trials. Take the quiz on clinical trials. Many myths out there. I've signed up for 2 clinical trials & feel confident that this is my "way forward."

" This is all people are looking for. A way forward...an open door...a way out...an answer from someone who may know more about life's difficulties..

.

Hugs!

( I couldn't resist!! But I ALWAYS MEAN IT! I hug everybody! My Grandma hugged me all the time, and I loved it! It makes me, ME!)

[Heruga]

Just came home after a long long work shift after having to deal with snow at my workplace so I know I'm a little late to reply. Theres so many comments with such long answers here so I'm not replying to every single one of them but I also want to say that its usually the same people who gets the most comments, often going into 'popular' thread, even if that users post is just ridiculous nonsense. And then people actually asking for more relevant things gets the least answers. Is this what you call favoritism? Right, like many of you stated I understand when you ask for certain advice on what to do, many people don't reply because you simply don't know the answer but now I am talking about important threads being forgotten and nonsense threads becoming explosively popular simply because that specific user is just popular. Looks like this site is going into competition mode for popularity.

[LovelySnow in reply to Heruga]

I think for the more serious posts, it's like others above have said - we are not doctors/professionals. Sometimes all we have to offer, as others above have said, is emotional support. From my own experience, I have responded a number of times to suicidal posts with the hotline number, text line and let them know they are cared for and not alone.

And yes - some posts DO get more attention. But we have to understand - people join this site for different reasons. It's easier to respond to a happy post than a serious one. And as others above have noted, they care but sometimes they don't know what to say. If your purpose on here is to help, keep at it. If your goal on here is to find some cheer, keep at it.

Personally I feel there should be more of a helpful/supportive presence from the Admin team on this site. Especially because, as you mentioned, some posts don't get responses. I agree with you on that. But I feel the responsibility should fall on the Admins, not on the caring members. Of course Admins are not doctors either, but I feel their role should be to fill in the gaps when the caring members cannot. The other group I'm a part of, "Mental Health Support," seems to have a participating, caring Admin. I think that is important and needed.