Struggling tonight..

[stellina04]

Struggling tonight. For anyone who doesn't know I have a healthy anxiety and OCD tendencies which keep me in a cycle during my panics. I am not terrified of every disease and medical issue but when things happen to me it's hard for me not to freak out. Occasional health anxiety? Is that a thing? Lol

I hate that I was doing so well for a while and then the second something happens I'm right back at my anxiety routine.

Struggling to believe doctors, family and friends. It's hard when you are so afraid, when fear is so strong it feels like you can't get out of it and no one fully understands. Like your screaming and no one hears you.

Hoping I'll be a bit more positive tomorrow, I really need to work on not seeing everything so negatively.

I feel lucky to have met some wonderful people in this community. If anyone is struggling too I'm here to chat

[compasnet]

...as we are for you as well.

[stellina04 in reply to compasnet]

Thank you!

[EndUser13]

I just wrote something in another post about coping with irrational fears, it sucks because even if you know what's going on, there's still that doubt, that intense fear that you will never quite be able to explain (satisfactorily) to others.

I hope tomorrow is better and I'm glad you're here!

[Ckd123 in reply to EndUser13]

This is why I cant get over my health anxiety. Even though I know its probably irrational fear there's still always that thought of what if it is actually something bad this time. I'm exhausted 😴

[EndUser13 in reply to Ckd123]

I hear you, I had a panic attack about an hour ago and was talking to myself like "okay, remember what you said on that forum, it's 'all in your head', it will pass..." still felt awful and took time to calm down. Have you had a doctor check you out, and make sure everything's working as it should?

[stellina04 in reply to Ckd123]

This is exactly how I feel.

[stellina04 in reply to EndUser13]

Its so hard.

This is my situation currently, 3 weeks ago my husband and I had the bright idea to have taco bell at 9pm. Usually 9 time sout of 10 I end up throwing up taco bell because I can't tolerate the cheese from there.

it was a mistake..

I totally know that but sometimes you just want some crap food.

So after we ate the mucus got to me and I threw up my food. There was nothing wrong at that point it was just throw up but once I start throwing up I can't stop it. I threw up ll my food next and the force was so hard that I literally "saw stars" right after the food came up I threw up blood. I completely freaked out and my husband took me to the ER bc I couldn't calm down. I have never gone to the ER for myself so that was a first. When I got there I told him what happened and I told him I had bad health anxiety and he pretty much brushed me off. He said I had a sinus infection and that's what the blood was from.

I wasn't happy so I went to my family dr the next day. He told me he thinks I had something called a Mallory Weiss Tear which is from the force of vomiting so hard you cause a blood vessel to break.

I'm struggling to believe him I'm terrified I have stomach cancer or esophagus cancer.

I had a scope done a year ago and it was normal and I had bloodwork done 5 months ago and it was fine. I have no other symptoms of either illness but I'm still panicked because vomiting blood seems like it's a death sentence.

My doctor told me that ig I was vomiting blood bc of cancer then I would have missed a few steps. He said he's positive it's not cancer. This was almost 3 weeks ago

So forward to this week, I was doing alot better so I went away for a few days and Wednesday night I blew my nose and there was blood in it then I panicked and started checking my spit and there was pink in it too. But I have a sinus infection and I just finished antibiotics for it. It's also been really hot and from traveling and such my mom had blood in her nose and spit too.

Anxiety is hard because logically I know it sounds crazy. I know I had one thing happen and I'm trying to connect things I see what I'm doing but I just can't help but think no one believes me and I'm gping to die bc this time it's for real.

You know? I feel like I suck. And I'm worn out from all the worry.

[b1b1b1 in reply to stellina04]

It sounds like your family doctor is really good. If you continue to be worried, see him again. It sounds like he thinks you are fine, but double checking with him would serve the purpose of relieving your anxiety.

[stellina04 in reply to b1b1b1]

So far I think he is excellent. I just started seeing him in January of this year.

My old family doctor kind of blew me off. After 3 years of having off thyroid levels which he said was not a big deal I sought out a specialist on my own and found out I had thyroid cancer. So I don't trust easily anymore when it comes to doctors.

The new doctor really takes his time and he explains stuff very thoroughly. He's really smart so I have confidence in him it's just I'm worried and I don't even know why I guess I'm just worried he's wrong.

[Agora1 in reply to stellina04]

merlin, I didn't know about your other doctor and his misdiagnosis withthyroid cancer. That would very well explain why your health anxiety has

increased. I'm so sorry that happened to you. But this current doctor seems

to be aware of your anxiety concerning your health and why.

Trust must come into play between you and your doctor so that this doesn't

continue to be a worry for you. I wish you well with this doctor. xx

[stellina04 in reply to Agora1]

You are such a good friend Agora, sometimes I chat with you so much i forget what I have told you lol I swore I did yeah my one thyroid level was off and he kept ignoring it and telling me it was nothing. He told me not to worry about it but I was still concerned..

I found a specialist and she is the one who found out it was cancer. I had my thyroid removed fully in 2020 there were 3 nodules on it thar turned out to be bad.

[Agora1 in reply to stellina04]

merlin, you may have just prompted me to get my thyroid nodules biopsied.Thank you for your message xx

[stellina04 in reply to Agora1]

Oh no! Lol I'm sorry but also that's good!

Do you have nodules?

What's funny is the doctor was saying most people don't find out they have any issue until like their 70's but my levels were off so that's an indication that something was wrong.

[Agora1 in reply to stellina04]

My levels are fine. An ultrasound was done which showed these nodules. xx

[stellina04 in reply to Agora1]

Oh good. I mean it's always good to get it checked out. I know they biopsy once it passes a certain size as long as they haven't gotten bigger then your good. Mine were huge one in perticular.

[Agora1 in reply to stellina04]

I'm really happy and proud of you that you had it addressed.Good Job xx

[stellina04 in reply to Agora1]

You rock i just ❤️ you! Thank you for the support! I'm glad too!

That all happened 4 months before my wedding and during the beginning of the pandemic. It was terrifying but I'm so glad I did it.

[compasnet in reply to stellina04]

I empathize with having difficulty trusting some professionals, especially when I've been minimized and my feelings haven't been taken seriously by the very people who are supposed to be concerned about my health and my feelings.

[stellina04 in reply to compasnet]

Hey compasnet, yeah I agree.. thanks for the reply!

I have a hard time trusting doctors that's not new, I've been like that sinc either was little I'm not sure why. I never liked them lol.

My anxiety had gotten worse because for 3 years I had off levels for my thyroid my family doctor at the time knew I had a bit of health anxiety and he was like ita nothing it's fine. He wouldn't recommend me to an endocrinologist because he didn't think I needed to go he thought it was my anxiety so I saw out in endocrinologist myself and got an appointment and she did an ultrasound and ended up finding 3 nodules 2 of which were cancer I had to have a total thyroidectomy in 2020, 3 months before my wedding and in the middle of the pandemic. I was terrified.

Needless to say my anxiety got a little worse and my trust just dipped a little bit more. I also found a new family doctor.

[compasnet in reply to stellina04]

Dear God, I'm so glad you were assertive and found an endocrinologist who sounds humane. God bless her for saving your life.

[stellina04 in reply to compasnet]

That's exactly how I feel about it too! July 14th will be 2 years since I had the surgery! I'm so grateful!

[compasnet in reply to stellina04]

merlinI"ll put the 14th in my calendar and will say a prayer of gratitude and hopefulness.

[stellina04 in reply to compasnet]

Thank you so much, that means alot to me! ❤️

[compasnet in reply to stellina04]

of course 🙏

[Ckd123]

I'm having a tough time with my health anxiety too these past few weeks x

[stellina04 in reply to Ckd123]

I'm so sorry I totally get that! Are you worried about something in particular?

[Adamj]

I too am having a tough time with my health anxiety it always goes to my heart thinking there’s something wrong even after getting tests done and everything being normal I still find myself fixated on it thinking every pain twitch whatever in my chest is my heart it’s exhausting

[stellina04 in reply to Adamj]

I have done this same thing to myself with different things now for 4 years. I know this battle well friend. I'm so sorry your dealing with this too. I'm trying so hard to get out of my head it's just a very hard.

What made you worry about ypur heart to begin with? Was it something in particular?

[Adamj in reply to stellina04]

Heart issues run in my family and I seen my mom go through heart issues often growing up had to be there for her often she even had to get a pacemaker though most of everyone’s heart issues didn’t start until they were like in their 50s

[Adamj in reply to Adamj]

And I think the stress from leaving my job which I shouldn’t of left thinking about it now just made me start worrying about every body sensation I had a really bad panic attack back in march after leaving my job I was in an interview my whole body felt funky and I ended up having them call the ems so that didn’t help

[stellina04 in reply to Adamj]

I totally get that, so my first ever fear that started this entire thing for me was about ALS. My father died in 2010 of als we found put this his is apparently genetic so that started my entire spiral if thinking I had als. At the time I didn't understand it so the panic came out when I was alittle older. As I approached 30 that's when my anxiety kicked in and I started with that. It was honestly like for the first time I realized Holy shit... I'm going to die one day. One day I won't have anyone. It's not like I didn't know before but at that time it became real. You know?

My mom had heart issues growing up but it was caused by stress I can't even tell you how many time we were at the ER.

If you have had tests done then please know you are ok. Honestly. You will be ok I really believe that but I also know how hard it is to know that for yourself so I'm here to chat. I've been on this site for a while and I don't usually interact with people I never thought I would be much help but lately it has been helpful to be there for others and I'm grateful for those who have been there for me too

[Agora1 in reply to stellina04]

merlin, it makes me feel good seeing you reach out to others.It's a great way to help yourself as well as not make you feel so alone.

You're in good company on this site with caring people who truly understand.

I'm proud of you xx

[stellina04 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you Agora, that means so much to me truly!

[Jeff1943 in reply to Adamj]

Adam, when you finally agree that listing your symptoms of health anxiety on a daily basis is not alone going to bring about your recovery then contact me.

[Adamj in reply to Jeff1943]

Jeff when you stop being an asshole contact me also thanks for making a post about me and not tagging me 😊

[Jeff1943 in reply to Adamj]

The problem is, Adam, you don't seem to have a plan to help your recovery. A couple of weeks ago I spent 45 minutes compiling a post to bring you understanding, reassurance and a suggested road plan for recovery. It did question whether your present response to health anxiety is helping you. Your reply is to call me an "asshole". I hope that makes you feel better but I doubt it.

[stellina04 in reply to Jeff1943]

Don't you guys think it's crummy to take over my post to argue?

This isn't Adam's post it's mine.

This isn't the place for judgment we are here to support each other while we are struggling. I am strugging and this kind of stuff doesn't help.

Please stop.

[Jeff1943 in reply to stellina04]

It's not an argument, it's a debate about the best way for Adam to move forward. What you call judgement others would call advice. It sometimes proves more useful than just posting: "Lots of hugs! Have a nice day!"

People post off-topic all the time here, it's an open forum, we don't own our posts. Anybody can say what they want on my posts, no problem.

[stellina04 in reply to Jeff1943]

I understand that people post off topic all the time but it's still kind of rude when I'm personally looking for advice and support.

If you both have issues with one another for any reason maybe take it up with each other.

Everyone is different, if they aren't taking your advice then don't help them anymore. We can't force someone to do what we suggest.

I am just starting to post more and be active with people after being on this site for 2 years and this makes me hesitant.

I hope everyone can just end this here and move forward. I personally will are anyone's advice if they choose to help. I believe I purchase Dr Weeks book. I'll have to go look on my shelf.

[Jeff1943 in reply to stellina04]

Sorry for the upset, I'll avoid going off topic on your posts in future.

[stellina04 in reply to Jeff1943]

Off topic is fine, arguing is not.

[Jeff1943 in reply to stellina04]

Not an argument far as I am concerned, was giving advice until I was called an "asshole". To disagree does not mean arguing. I'd better shut up or snowdayze will be reporting me to admin again😣

[stellina04]

I agree 100%

[Jeff1943]

Reported for expressing an opinion contrary to what some others believe even though it is every man and woman's right in a democracy. Don't ever let them gag you, millions died between 1939 and 1945 to protect that right. And it applies here as much as anywhere else.

[Jeff1943]

Snowdayze, when you say that "you believe there were many others who reported me" you accidentally let slip that you are part of a co-ordinated attempt to remove me from this forum....because how else would you know that "there were many others who reported me" without co-ordination through PMs?And now you've done it again and reported me again.

You haven't even been on this forum for a month. I've been here 6 years.

[Jeff1943]

I accept what you say and apologise.