At a crossroads, petrified of choosing poorly

[Campfire74]

I'm new here but have been depressed/have anxiety as long as I can remember. I was a professional until 3 years ago (when I was 41). I stopped working to have baby/get baby up and running and into pre-school, etc. I'm now facing a big decision because I don't feel like I can handle becoming a professional again and take care of autistic kid, and house, and marriage, and self. My husband and I both agreed that I'd go to grad. school next Sept. and start a professional life again, and he feels a fair amount of pressure being the only working person in our relationship and was relieved when I said I'd resume my career. But now that I've been a parent for 3 years and a housewife (housewife part not very gratifying) I don't know how I'll throw a career in there. I already feel I currently neglect kid, marriage and house because I'm overwhelmed. Thanks for your thoughts.

[fauxartist]

you know....first I would talk to a therapist or counsellor on how I would approach the best way to let your husband know what you really need right now in your life. And that if your not really wanting to do the professional gig any more, what alternatives you can come up with to also lighten any financial burden your spouse may be feeling. And then approach your husband with what you would like to do and can he work with you on that, listen to what his issues are and then both of you can come up hopefully with a working compromise that you both can live with.

[Campfire74 in reply to fauxartist]

I see how you'd glean that my husband was the core of the problem in the way I wrote that post, but the truth is that I am worried I'll choose a lifestyle wrong for myself.

[fauxartist in reply to Campfire74]

No I don't think your husband is the core of the problem at all, really it takes two in a marriage, and right now you just have to take care of what is going to work best for you and the both of you. It's okay to make changes in our lives mid stream, we find that what worked at one time in our life may need to change to what will best suit your life now, and with a child, that takes up a lot of our time that we used to be able to put into our career....so your just having to find a way to do both, and also include your husbands concerns about finances.....it's just the inevitable change all of us with kids goes through.....guilt if we think we are not spending enough time with the kids, but also wanting to have a life and trying to figure it all out and everyone is happy....your not alone there my friend. I think that's why a 3rd party therapist can often help sort things out.

[Campfire74 in reply to fauxartist]

Oh so this is normal for people who have kids?

[fauxartist in reply to Campfire74]

yes it is.... your whole world is turned upside down.... kids don't come with manuals, and no one is ever completely prepared for all of what comes with parenthood, no matter how many self help books you read....each kid is their own little person and your life is now altered forever.... they are the best thing, and often the most confusing thing.... but we find a way....

[Campfire74 in reply to fauxartist]

Thanks faux, youve helped me a great deal in clearing up my perspective.

[fauxartist in reply to Campfire74]

Your very welcome, and glad it helped......

[dawyogi1]

Hi, I now what it means to be overwhelmed. I did two tours in Vietnam as a sniper. I was responsible for shifting out 72 lives, possibly 83. Every day I went into the bush on the hunt for a certain person whose identity was supplied by the CIA! When they were back in Saigon, I wad in a jungle with my spotter Bo. I began to feel like I was their lackey! I felt that I was not an army sniper but an assassin doing their bidding. Now, 55 years later and I'm in therapy have nightmares but have a great theropist , she has helped me work thru alot. So hang in there and God bless.

Dave