Post traumatic Stress Disorder

[Cbutler34]

Well, I have been depressed on and off since I was a kid. I just feel like I have lost all control and wanna know how to gain the control back. I cook, I clean, and make others are good and I neglect myself. I have been married 14 years and our marriage is not the best and I am unhappy. At the beginning of my marriage, my spouse used to be really abusive towards me. He hit me on the back of my head in 2005 with a walking can and as a result of that I had a contusion. He's busted my nose. He's even tried to set my jacket on fire. He has adhd. He still has a anger problem, but instead of him hitting me, he throws things and sometimes he will pack up my things and tell me to get out or he will throw all my things out of my purse. He always tries to get his mom involved as if it's me creating problems with him. He sometimes threatens to take things away from me. I try to communicate with my husband, but he is always saying I don't want him working and I'm always fussing. We are intimate every blue moon. My 15 year old daughter is doing what she wants even after discussing with her about how I feel and others like family members step in as if I am a bad parent. My daughter walked out of school on July 13th with one of her friends and never came home until my mom got her from her friends house. I now have her in home school and I am going to counseling this week. I wanna get out of this relationship, but I don't have no support and plus I don't drive and the reason being is because I have anxiety real bad. I'm afraid something may happen if I get behind the wheel. My plan is to get my own place just me and my kids. My husband's controls everything and I am at my wits ends with everything. I have no family here. My family is two hours away.

[Depressed1996]

Call your family if they comfort you. I can't imagine what it's like to be in an abusive relationship. Have you tried talking to others who have been or are going through the same thing?

Your daughter is at a strange age for sure. I remember me making all kinds of terrible decisions even though I did have a wonderful mother.

[Cbutler34 in reply to Depressed1996]

Yes, I do talk to my mom, but mainly my sister about it because she understands more. I have left my husband several times and I keep coming back. I am seriously planning on getting my own place. I have looked into low income housing. I definitely don't want to live with my mom and sister anymore because they was not helpful when I was there and that is why I keep coming back here. I remember when I was 13 years, I ran away because my mom was very mean, especially to my sister. My mom was never there as much to talk to me and my sister, but I do talk to my kids always.

[lostgirl75]

Move closer to your family you need to run away from that situation and run fast. Don't wait do it immediately because anyone who harms you doesn't love you the way you deserve to be loved and family is what you need to get you back up and going. This is just my opinion but I have gone through living this way and getting him as far away as I could was the best thing for me and child.

[Cbutler34 in reply to lostgirl75]

I agree with you that I should run as fast as I can, but it's not that easy as it seems because I don't have support from my family. My mom has called dfcs on me several times saying I'm moving back and forth several times. I just want to do everything I can on this end to get my self in order before I go back there. Not to mention, my husband has even called dfcs saying I ran away with the kids. I have a girl and a boy by him. Lord will work it out for me!

[lostgirl75]

I'm so sorry to hear this are there any woman shelters that help in your area?

[Cbutler34 in reply to lostgirl75]

Yes, I am sure there are some women shelters here, but I have heard some really bad things about shelters.

[lostgirl75]

I'm out of ideas sorry

[Cbutler34]

That's OK, you were very helpful! Although my situation is bad where I'm at, I do plan to have something in place before I move near my family because I never want to live with them again that's for sure. I have counseling coming up on Friday.

[Lookingforpeace]

Not sure where you are from but every area has a Domestic Violence agency that can offer you support. There is no charge for there services either. I know they were a great support for my son and I in the past.