I’m stuck

[Shutterbug65]

I’m stuck and I’m scared to reach out for people who can help me. I’m a very lonely man, in my early 50’s and have seen everyone in my family ( cousins) move on, get married, have kids. I have nobody, no friends what so ever to do things with. I miss my grandparents so much, they raised me. My mom passed away when I was only eleven days old. My Dad was in the service. I live in the past. I think of happy times when I was younger, my grandparents always by my side. I had so many aunts and uncles and cousins, as well as my father who were so much apart of my life back then. They are all gone. Some have passed away others moved on. Even my girlfriend, who past in 2010 I still can’t let go. I want to join them, I’m tired of doing things alone. I just can’t cope. If something were to happen to me I have no one to turn to for help. It’s a frightening life and I just don’t want to live it.

[fauxartist]

living with ghosts of the past is a very lonely existence because they are only memories. And I'm sorry your so lonely....but sometimes we fear forgetting those who have passed so we don't let go and move on and try and live in the here and now. Almost as if we are betraying their memories somehow if we bring new people into our lives. But it's simply not true. If anything....your grandparents would want you to be happy and be with someone.

I once heard a story about a little boy who had passed, and everyday his mother cried and was grief stricken and just could not let go of this crippling sadness she felt everyday. The little boy was in a place like limbo, waiting to be guided by the other little children to a place of eternal peace where all the other children who also had passed were together. The recently passed children all had candles to guide their way on the path towards this place, as did the little boy. But he never followed with them, and everyday he waited to move on. One day one of the children asked him why he would not follow with them, and he said it was because his mothers tears kept putting the light of his candle out, and he was stuck, and could not see his way.

And until his mother accepted that he was at peace, and that he wanted her to be happy when she remembered him, his candle would not stay lit to find his way to eternal peace.

I hope too you will find your way...

[Shutterbug65 in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you so much for that wonderful story. I know my loved ones would want me to move on and find my way. I don’t really grieve for them to much anymore but feel an overwhelming sense of sadness and emptiness that they are not here. I find it hard to do things, even the simplest tasks I keep putting off, like doing chores around the house. I hate staying home because I’m reminded of all these things that need to be done.

I’m so very sad, frightened and alone.

So I think of happier times, when I wasn’t so anxious and depressed. When I had people in my life that I cared so deeply about. And I feel like I let them down. Life feels so empty. I only wish I could have appreciated them more while they were here.

Thank you again for your wonderful message.

[fauxartist in reply to Shutterbug65]

I had my two best friends pass only 3 months apart....and before that I had never lost anyone in my life. I had no family to speak of growing up, and was always on my own. I know the heart brake of loosing someone, but it must have been terrible for you.

But one thing I do know in my heart is that they never left me, they are with me all the time..... when ever I see a rainbow...I know it's my friend giving me a hi-five, because it was the last thing we did together...she loves rainbows. And when ever I hear a good joke a bit on the dark side, I hear my other friend having a good laugh because she was so great at giving me the dark side of humor when she was fighting the good fight with her cancer. So believe me when I tell you.....your grandparents are always with you, and would have such joy to know you were happy.

Depression is the one thing that so many do not understand, you have a chemical imbalance and you feel sad just because of that....there does not need to be a reason to be sad, but until you realize that about this disease....we will often look for a reason for our sadness. If you don't mind me asking....have you ever gone to a therapist to talk about this.....it may help give you some clarity.

Best wishes to you......

[Shutterbug65 in reply to fauxartist]

I was seeing a therapist for awhile but felt I wasn’t getting anywhere. And the co pay each week was to much. I have Obamacare so it’s not the most ideal insurance.

I’m scared of being alone. I don’t even like to take days off from work, because atleast through my work I’m around people.

[fauxartist in reply to Shutterbug65]

your not alone here, as you have people commenting and responding and that's a start in knowing there are people taking time to be there for you and with you. There are groups like 'MeetUp' of like minded people all over the world that get together to do things, and since it's not a bar scene...there is no alcoholic fog. We have to reach out for someone to reach back, as hard and difficult as that is, the rewards can be that you may not need to feel alone any more.

[Robinrenae in reply to fauxartist]

This is simply beautiful faux....🤧 ❤❤❤❤❤

[fauxartist in reply to Robinrenae]

thank you Robinrenae....I appreciate that....hope your doing well my friend.

[Hidden]

Welcome my friend.. Its REALLY good ur hear chatting with us I struggle with some of the stuff u mentioned n just want u to know that this community is here to lift u up when u cant.We may not be going through everything u r, BUT..theres never a shortage of people that want to help.Keep posting n know ur not alone!

[l8blmr]

I'm an older person as well and I find myself living in the past too often; having imaginary conversations with people that I knew. I know of the importance of living in the moment even though I struggle to do so. Here are some resources that might help:

amazon.com/New-Earth-Awaken...

amazon.com/Wherever-You-The...

[Shutterbug65 in reply to l8blmr]

Thank you.

[Jeff1943]

And yet you can rise like a Phoenix from the ashes of your present life if you've a mind to. Nostalgia is for old men and you are not an old man, believe me.

These things are sent to try us, we all have a cross to bear, who is without one? You are articulate, clearly intelligent, for the moment your life has led you into a cul-de-sac or blind alley. But if you use the gifts you were born with you can regain the happy life and your quiet mind.

Now start to look outward and forward, not always inward and backward. Decide to achieve something, something that you've always been interested in. Join a club, join two clubs, join a political party, it doesn't matter which one. Get to know people, you will find you strike a special chord with some, you will gain friendships.

So much of interest waiting out there for you to explore, so many fascinating people to be met. When you are old like me you can revisit old haunts but for you for now: life lies ahead....

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Jeff1943]

I wish I had your confidence. I live a life of regrets and missed opportunities. If I only listened more to the advice that was offered to me years ago my life would be different.

You seem like you have a lot of confidence, something I sorely lack. I don’t know how to motivate myself to do these things. I just think about it but don’t act.

Thank you for taking the time to write.

[Jeff1943 in reply to Shutterbug65]

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one small step. But it's that first small step that's the most difficult. After that it becomes so much easier.

You are not alone in over-reacting to problems. It is in the nature of anxiety to exaggerate our problems ten fold. When we recover, when our nervous system returns to normal levels of sensitivity, then we see problems in true perspective.

You can build life anew for yourself, shutterbug. Take that first step.

[Dubba61]

Hiya Shutterbugs, I can relate to your story. I was from a large family and now, very few of us left. Those that are, seldom get in touch. I lost Boyfriend 6 years ago n then my darlin Mum and I know how easy it is, for your mind to be in the Past. Too much though is depressing and unhealthy. What helped me was Volunteering. Feeling usefull n needed is a great feeling n many,many, places would be glad of your help. Also, you would meet New people and maybe, make new friends. There is an online hypnosis by Jason Stephenson which teaches how to let go of the past n view it, from a great distance. I found this very soothing n helpful. Best of Luck. 😊✌️🌻

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Dubba61]

Thanks. It seems I spend a great deal of time worrying about things that might happen. And I worry I have no one to help me. Right now I’m worried about my insurance, I have Obamacare and I don’t know how much it will cost me for next year. I barely can afford this years monthly premiums. I don’t know what I would do without insurance. I just can’t deal with problems anymore. All throughout my life I tended to put things off till the last minute. I’m anxious about so many things right now, and having no one to turn to makes my anxiety worse. When I was younger I had few worries, my problem is I just get so overwhelmed by worry and this feeling of absolute loneliness that it’s all I dwell on. I miss having the support of loved ones.

[Dubba61 in reply to Shutterbug65]

Yes, I imagine it must be awfully worrying for you in the US. With having to pay Health insurance. N yes I understand some folk are Born worryers. I used to be like that too. I don't read know what changed me. Maybe, bringing 2 kids up alone and having them to worry about, or maybe just living to this age. But, I rarely worry about the future these days. What will be, will be. I wish you well.😉✌️🌻

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Dubba61]

Just to add to what I said, I always think the worst possible outcome for my problems. Others seem to be able to deal with life’s valleys, I wish I was more like them. But I never was, even my Dad and Grandparents years ago knew I was a worry wort.

[ge99]

You have had so many people in your life in the past, you have learned how to love and how to accept love. If we assume that we are all here on this planet to learn, then you have learned so many lessons. Perhaps you need to go out now and find others to love, not just a partner but your work colleagues if you are working or join a group where you can talk about the value of family and loved ones and how those feeling of love will never go away. It is your time to pass this on.

[ge99]

Just seen one of your replies love the expression "worry wort" it made me smile.