Another breakdown

[vanessi]

Hello every one, I hope you are doing better than me. Tonight I had another breakdown. I've been crying for the last 3 hours and I haven't eaten at all.

Things at work are not the best but it is going ok! Still have money problems but I'm trying to fix it.

One of the things I want to talk to is all the people I knew the last couple of months and helped me a bit with my depression I don't see them anymore nor talk to them just cos I realised they were fake and I don't like those kind of people in my life. Basically I have no friends and no one to share how I feel. Although I feel alone I prefer just to keep the people who don't make me feel uncomfortable. One of the things I've realised I'm starting struggling with my eating disorder again and that happens when I feel worried and anxious or when I go out during the weekend. I try to eat smth before leave home but for some reason I feel like throwing up and eat a little, and that happens when I know I'm gonna have few drinks and meet up with people that change their mind all the time so I have decided to stop meeting up people who is toxic for me. I hope that helps me with the eating disorder, yesterday I didn't want to eat but I forced myself so I did it. These days I'm stressed cos I need to present an exam that can change my future but if I fail It I will feel very disappointed and I will get very depressed. I'm worried

Last night I couldn't sleep thinking of things I cannot control, does anyone feel that want to run and never come back? I feel I'm dying here.

Again I feel very lonely and I miss my ex and my old life. I have been talking to him and that has cheered me up the last few months because he is the only one I can share my feelings but I'm still stressed and sad.

Thank you for your time xxx

[Hidden]

You can come onto here anytime to chat, we will listen.

It's natural to worry about exams, everyone who takes them worries.

I hope you start to feel better about things soon.

[vanessi in reply to Hidden]

It is not just the exam, there are many things behind. I've been feeling very depressed and sad the last couple of days, I don't wanna talk, I don't want to eat, I don't wanna work, just stay in bed. I haven't recovered since last year and I'm starting to feel I'm a loser, again.

[Hidden in reply to vanessi]

You aren't a loser, never forget that.

Try to get something to do that you enjoy, even if you don't feel like it.

If you stay still the feeling will stay with you. You need to try to move away from it.

[vanessi in reply to Hidden]

I have tried and I've done my best but I can't help to keep feeling in the same way. I feel I'm wasting my team here in the place where I live, this is not what I want in life

[Hidden in reply to vanessi]

Well maybe you could work towards moving to somewhere else.. plan ahead.

[vanessi in reply to Hidden]

I have some plans but my plans never work, so I will get very disappointed if this time doesn't work either

[Hidden in reply to vanessi]

Plans fail for everyone, I you want something really bad then you need to keep trying, don't give up.

You have to work for your future.

[b1b1b1]

I don't understand why you felt people here were fake. I think you got a lot of commonsense, well meant advice. Try hard not to let your eating issues escalate, as this can become problem and a habit that is difficult to resolve.

[vanessi in reply to b1b1b1]

No, I'm not talking about people here. I am talking about my social circle, that is why I come here to share my stuff. I have no friends out there, and I don't want to be with them cos I'm starting to feel very uncomfortable

[b1b1b1 in reply to vanessi]

Sorry, I misunderstood. Do try to eat, though - maybe even just a nutrition drink.

[vanessi in reply to b1b1b1]

Yes I am trying, it is not the big issue yet but I started noticed that every time I am gonna meet up people I don't feel comfortable with I feel like not eating

[b1b1b1 in reply to vanessi]

If you don't feel comfortable with them maybe you can try to make different friends. If you know you have to meet them, try eating something a couple of hours beforehand. Having an episode of low blood sugar is pretty uncomfortable. I can develop low blood sugar if I don't eat reasonably regularly, so I am quite aware of this problem. Maybe it doesn't affect you, though.

[Hidden]

I hear ya with the eating thing..when ur in a bad place mentally or physically.People just DONT get it.I hear that crap ALL the time.Just EAT.. u will feel better. I also get.. the need to run away..Ive even said it to numerous people but they don't get my reasons behind it.They just laugh and think Im joking.

Your here posting n sharing n we r here to help.We r all in the same boat.Sounds like ur trying to do the best u can...and that's ok.Just know "ur not alone"!

[vanessi in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for the reply, I'm just trying my best to not having it again

[teemo1]

Hi Vanessi, I hope you feel better. If you have a few minutes, this article gives some good insights and advice:

markmanson.net/how-to-let-go

[vanessi in reply to teemo1]

I feel a little better but still having ups and downs. Thanks for sharing. I'll read it!

[Mhc8083]

I will send you positive vibes. You remind me of my daughter. Only suggestion I have for you is yoga and meditation. It has helped me a lot. I hope you feel better.

[vanessi in reply to Mhc8083]

Thank you so much.

[Hidden]

Feeling the same as we speak 😔

[vanessi in reply to Hidden]

Are you ok?

[Hidden in reply to vanessi]

Not really, no

[vanessi in reply to Hidden]

Dm if you wanna talk to someone