Mishandled yet another situation

[Stella180]

I have an uncanny knack for saying and doing the wrong things and this is caused me so much pain over the years. A couple of weeks ago I did something I thought I needed to do for me (putting myself first isn’t something I’m good at) but now due to the reactions of others, basically friends have stopped talking to me, I’m feeling so bad cos my fears of the potential consequences of putting myself first has been realised. All the therapists I’ve spoken to over the years talk about “warped thoughts” and conquering fears but time and again I push outside my comfort zone only to have a negative experience so maybe my mind isn’t lying to me about the outcomes and I am the monster I believe myself to be cos I only ever hurt the people I care about.

[kenster1]

sorry to hear that I'm facing a similar situation.hope it works out for you for the better.

[Hidden]

Just maybe these people aren't true friends & it has nothing to do with you! Stay strong my friend!!! XXX

[Stella180 in reply to Hidden]

Oh they have gone above and beyond for me over time so they are true friends. I’ve screwed things up and now have to live with it but it hurts. Only myself to blame.

[Hidden in reply to Stella180]

Well then just ask for forgiveness!!!! XXX

[Hidden]

What in the world could you possibly have done to alienate your true friends? Please don’t only focus on the negative side of what you have done to take care of yourself! Did you enjoy yourself at the time? Did you get the positive satisfaction of doing something for yourself? Think about that side of the experience. Maybe your friends are overreacting? It’s hard to say without knowing the mystery action you took. Try to stay away from negativity...it will always bring you fear, anxiety and a pessimistic attitude. Sending you hugs!!

[Stella180 in reply to Hidden]

I expressed how I felt and then chose to walk away from the online community we were all a part of. I had to get things off my chest and although I had my friends there it was also a source of a lot of issues for me which is why I had to leave. I do find it difficult at times to be subtle and my choose of words isn’t always best when I’m emotional either and have obviously upset them greatly which in turn makes me feel guilty. I can’t apologise for saying how I feel because I had to get it out, but I am sorry for hurting the people I care about. At least I assume they’re upset cos they won’t speak to me. I know I don’t always react rationally by other people’s standards but it feels right to be if that makes sense.

[Hidden in reply to Stella180]

I understand...being honest and putting yourself out there is not necessarily a bad thing. I do feel that if you verbalize or write your true feelings, you shouldn’t lose a true friend over it. All of us have differing views and opinions. My guess is that they weren’t really true friends. Loving someone means that you accept them when their views are different. Tolerance...it’s what we all need to give and receive...judging others is a sad and negative way to live! Have a great day!!

[Stella180 in reply to Hidden]

I definitely didn’t act appropriate and looking back I was out of line, but like I said when emotions are running high rationality goes out of the window. Thanks for your words of support

[Hidden in reply to Stella180]

Anytime!!