Too much love?

[JEG325]

This is JEG 325 and I'm not having a very good day today either. 2 days ago, one of my friends had a seizure. That upset me. A particular person texts me almost around the clock. The stress of that is killing me. Today, one of my best friends got kicked out onto the street and is homeless & that upset me alot! To cap it off, I've been sick to my stomach all day + for good measure, I pissed someone off by being too nice!! It's causing me to have an anxiety attack & yet there are more people that need my help. I mean people I'm already working with. I've dealt with 3 people on various sites today, who were talking about suicide and other harmful things. I successfully helped all 3. But, am I missing something here?

[Hidden]

Hi friend. I'm sorry to hear of all that is happening around you right now. It can certainly be stressful. Take a breath and set some boundaries. I know you want to help everyone, but don't forget to take care of yourself, too. That is most important. We can't save the world; one thing at a time.

[JEG325 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks. Am thinking about a walk and then just chilling on the front porch afterwards for about 30 tics. What do you think?

[Hidden in reply to JEG325]

That's a fantastic idea. And be mindful while on your walk. Take note to how your feet hit the ground, smell the air, feel your breath, etc.

[JEG325 in reply to Hidden]

Funny you should mention that. I was thinking about how much l liked the smell of the leaves in the air as I walked. Anxiety remains. Just chillin on the porch now. Might not come in for awhile.....

[Hidden in reply to JEG325]

How are you feeling now? Any slight change?

[JEG325 in reply to Hidden]

Depressed now. Questioning the why of my being here. A personality crises. I've had them before. Sometimes life just wears me down.....

[Hidden in reply to JEG325]

You've clearly helped many, including me. Don't lose sight of that.

More importantly, don't forget that it's ok that life gets you sometimes. It happens to everyone. If you need to, let it consume you for a while so you can let it out. Just don't forget to let it pass.

[JEG325 in reply to Hidden]

I did. It passed. I feel more peaceful and calm today. Took a lot of time out for myself. Your advice helped. Thanks a bunch!

[JEG325]

shouldn't that end with u?😎You're right of course. Maybe I need a few days away!

[trapis2]

You are responsible only for you. You come first. If friends have problems , you are not responsible to make them all better ! I know you love them and want them to be happy but you can't do that, they have to work on themselves and you only have to take care of you ! I am a "Fixer" too and used to want to please and help everyone until I figured out I cannot be anything but a listener and give support, that's it.

[JEG325 in reply to trapis2]

Yeah, that's a tough sell to me. I tend to fire like a dynamo until I burn out sometimes. Or in this case nearly have a nervous breakdown. Of course, how many times have I warned my friends that you can only do so much & when ir gets overwhelming, you need to back off for awhile. Apparently doctors are the only bad self patients....Thanks for your help.

[kenster1]

hey remember you matter most of all jeg.its sad that this person has had a seizure lets hope they make a full recovery.its also a shame that in this day of age people are still being made homeless and that's not right.your a good soul but you should think of yourself more and make you better for you.other peoples misfortune simply cant become your problems.you can only do so much in helping others.take care of yourself.

[JEG325 in reply to kenster1]

And yet I've always sort of looked up to and leaned on you, another really good person. My heart was built to give. If I went cold turkey for even a little while it be like a drug withdrawal. Kind of damned either way, my friend.

[kenster1 in reply to JEG325]

yeah kind helpful hearts lots of us have.i think what you do helping people is amazing but times we have to take a step back and say hey is this effecting me.if not its great but if it does effect you then we have to think of ourselves.

[JEG325 in reply to kenster1]

Yeah pondering that now. My health may dictate that.Was generally doing okay until I melted down and actually cried (you didn't hear that). Knew there was a serious problem then.

[kenster1 in reply to JEG325]

know how you feel had a bit of an emotional breakdown on Saturday worrying about my sister niece and our family troubles.a good hillwalk today and tomorrow and I will be back to normal.

[JEG325 in reply to kenster1]

Took a walk myself. It helped. Relaxing on the front porch. But, getting cold. Missed talking to you, my friend. That helps too. Thank you.

[JEG325]

Saw it. Not much of a comedy fan, one of my shortcomings in life. But, I appreciate the advice. Big Bang Theory more my style (ha, ha)

[NCAQuilter]

I'm so sad to hear you are having trouble. You give so much. It's not really surprising your well is dry! Stepping aside for a short time will allow all your love to be shared again. Your love hasn't gone dry, but your energy is what wants refreshing. Just like a marathon runner needs to stop and catch a breath at the end of a race, you need to stop and take a breath.

As I see it, if you could put some breaks on the person calling you so often, you may get some breathing room. Most phones now days tell you who's calling. Remember, any one calling is intruding into your space, your home. You have the right to be 'out' when any one calls. Maybe you could be 'out' during certain times of the day, taking then only the calls you need to. You're still available, and still helpful, just not all day for one person.

Reading this part of my reply, I can see you'd have trouble doing this. Try to remember, we need you, too. If you burn out, you won't be able to help any one.

We're rooting for you to get through this. One breath at a time. Let us carry you for a little while. You aren't heavy, and it'd be an honor.

[JEG325 in reply to NCAQuilter]

God, I love you for that reply. Yes, I may need carried for a few days. That girl called again at 3:30am because she couldn't. I answered, but inside felt like I was gonna suffocate. Don't know how much more I can take. Calling is actually messenging on facebook. Need sleep badly!

[JEG325 in reply to NCAQuilter]

should read 'couldn't sleep'. Got her back to sleep but, what about me?

[NCAQuilter]

If you don't get enough sleep, how can you give your best help? Calling at three in the morning is abuse, in my book. 'Being there' is very important to you, I know. But she is asking you to be exclusively a source of help for her only, not recognizing how many others rely on you for help. Not being able to sleep is not a problem worthy of a call at 3 in the morning. Seven or eight in the morning, yes. Or, even ten or eleven at night. By then sleeplessness has established it self. While she is tying up your line, someone with a much more serious problem may desperately be trying to contact you. Sure, chronically being unable to sleep can be a big problem, as you know, but, in the majority of times, not a truly critical issue. So, set some parameters for her calls, like none before seven in the a.m., or after eleven p.m. Unless, of course she is in dire need of your help at a critical time.

I have experienced people like her in my life - the wife whose husband hits her and constantly complains about it. But, won't use any help offered. Or, the client who knows we don't usually charge for phone calls, who will constantly call expecting us to solve all the problems over the phone. But, again won't use any help given. These are toxic people who will rob you blind - some of money, others of their kind heart. Be careful out there. You have a lot to lose.

[JEG325]

Others have been giving me the same lecture and also implying it's abuse, at least of my kind heart. Just turned off my ringer after I went back to sleep. Forgot to even think of others. Sad, really. Only slept 2 1/2 more hours. For 6 tot. Doc says I need 10 when under severe stress. Boundaries will be set. Thanks for your concern.

[Shadow123-]

Hi Jeg. You have helped many people here but please take time for yourself too..... sorry you're not feeling too good but I am sending you good vibes and hugs xx

[JEG325 in reply to Shadow123-]

Love you for that, Shadowcat123

[JEG325 in reply to Shadow123-]

I ment Shadow123. I knew I made that mistake somewhere. Sorry.....

[Shadow123- in reply to JEG325]

Lol no worries Jeg..... it can get quite confusing!!

Hope you are feeling better x

[JEG325 in reply to Shadow123-]

Feeling a lot better. So good that I was tormenting a lot of my friends Thanksgiving eve. Yeah, it can be difficult when some of the names are so similar. Thanks for understanding!

[Hidden]

Wow you sure have a lot going on. I know how you feel trying to be of help to everyone but please don't spread yourself too thin. You sound like me, always putting others needs before our own. Be kind & gentle to yourself today, how about giving yourself a treat? You do deserve it! Love, peace, light, joy & hugs for you!

[JEG325 in reply to Hidden]

Luv you, anxiety_59. A kazillion, loving hugs for your wonderful advice.