I'm not here looking for attention, or looking for someone to save me.
I just need to verbalise it because I have no one to say it to.
I haven't cried in years, and in the last two hours all I've done is sob. I'm beyond broken. I'm beyond fixing. I'm treading the water of life and I'm one moment from sinking. I want it, I want to fall to the depths.
My bodily instinct is to just play dead, I'm like a rabbit in the headlights at all times. My body doesn't fell good, my mind feels even worse.
I have no energy, nothing to give, no one to give to.
I've spent my entire career helping people with mental health problems, and here I am, thinking I know it all with all that knowledge and the one person I can't save is myself. Pathetic.
The last five years have killed me off, and now at the age of 31, I'm too tired to give anymore to some sort of void that takes everything I give, and I receive no peace or wellness in return.
Rant over, I'm going to continue drinking and listening to music until the sun comes up and I do it all over again.
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bbanxiety
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bbanxiety, I hear you. There are days in my life as well, that I feel as if I have given allI can throughout my life. Void of energy. Each step can feel like I'm climbing up a mountain.
Too tired to go forward as well as too tired to climb back down. And so I sit on a plateau
to recharge. The heat and the humidity can sap the energy out of us. But tomorrow is a new
day bringing with it new hopes, new strength and new amounts of energy. And if not tomorrow, then the following day. If that even exists.
Right now, it's about living, resting or existing in this moment. Relishing this moment in life.
Eventually, we all end up being alone but doesn't that mean that our reason for living is
over yet. Rather than give up, I think of each new day given us, a chance to learn something
new, Maybe to Love and be Loved. I don't want to miss out on anything as long as I have a
breath in me. You are not alone my friend. Life isn't over until the Last Hurrah... xx
You've always replied to my posts, and I have definitely read them and at times I haven't responded, for that I'm sorry.
I really do take what you say onboard, I'm too comfortable at the moment with how bad I feel to think differently. It's the first time in a long time I've let these feelings in to admit I feel too weak to carry on.
Maybe stopping pretending to be okay is what I need right now, I spend too much time trying to be okay.
Living in the moment is hard, when each moment is made up of pure exhaustion, not even being able to stand.
I don't want to miss out on my potential future and I really apreciate your response. I also want to stop when my last hurrah is actually my last hurrah. Thank you.
Hey, i would say i feel you. Espessially the part of wanting to die but not doing it, espessially the part of being in the mental health field and being miserable ourselves. Everyone thinks we're invincible but doctors get sick too. Actually the more we study it, the more we realise how messed up everything is. With great knowledge comes great sadness. But apparently with great sadness comes great knowledge. And those who have it worst, help best. But at the begging i said "i would" and it's because this isn't about me or ppl or whoever. It's your pain. Something you know best. So it's ever valid no matter what others think or don't think. Humans perspective is having that tunnel vision. And the moment the tunnel explode and it feels like catastrophe, this is a break through. But sometimes the lights are too blinding and being adapred to the darkness is a plus no matter what ppl say. Sorry for my gibberish, hope it doesn't make you feel worse, i'm just dissosiated myself. And hey it's gonna be okay
Hey. Firstly, get help right away if you think you'll do something you'll regret. You deserve to feel okay. Life is a roller coaster at times. You've got to hang on though, because you never know when the rails will even out, and you'll never get to know how good that feels if you end it. I'm going through a time in my life where I feel like I've just had it with everything. I see this as a clear sign from my body telling me to take care of myself. It's telling me that things have gotten way out of hand and that I need to just stop and take a metaphorical step back, take stock of everything, and focus on myself.
You aren't pathetic for not being able to save yourself. You aren't super-human. You are human, and we as humans have trouble at times. It's okay.
Agora put it in perfect terms. I too have been feeling there is no purpose, and scan my mind every morning for some reason to get up and do life so to speak. I have people around me, a 32 year marriage, and yet in the depth of things, I have learned I am alone. But these past two days, which I know are not many, but something), I have realized that I am the only one who can move from this plateau (as Agora so wisely put it). I have been sitting on this ledge for what feels like forever, looking for others’ behaviors to help me move. But only mine can make me move, so I have begun to move, despite treading extremely slowly. I don’t have to conquer everything in one day. One step at a time is all we can do, and the first step is taking a tiny step in what we tell ourselves in our own minds. We can do this. We can move forward and find ourselves.
I don’t think you are pathetic. Your love tank is empty after giving it all away to help others. Please get lots of emotional rest. I’m glad you are now able to cry, something I also have tremendous difficulty doing. I’ll be having a drink myself, not been the best day. But I’m with you, we all are. Lots of love to you.
Hello bbanxiety. Please take a step back, breathe…. Breathe again! Breathe. You’re alive… you’re here! I’m sure you’re going through a lot with pain and suffering but be please do your best to continue… you matter… you are someone and many of us hear you and want you to be well
You’re strong! Look, you’re telling all of us your inner feelings! That extremely difficult to do! Extremely! Please fight… stay here with us! Know that you’re not a lone in your struggle and that others fee the same and are fighting
I replied to your post on the anxiety site. In case you haven't read it, I want to mention again what I said. That is, that you may want to consider admitting yourself to an inpatient psychiatric unit. If you do so try to go to a teaching hospital, even if you have to travel as they have the best services. You may benefit from antidepressants as well as a very low dose temporary anti psychotic. It is good that you are here. I think, however, that at this point you need heavy duty professional help to jump start you on the road to recovery. xx b1
BbI wish you the strength to see this journey through. I was a mental health therapist and experienced the usual burnout especially when giving out all to others and not taking as good care of myself. I dance in the same place you do. The void is excruciating. I'm in a little better of a place now. You need to replenish your well, and the void will get smaller. Hang on.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through.. I'm in therapy for a while now.. I had similar feelings that you expressed.. I wish I could give you a real hug. 😘.. I'm here also if you want to chat off the forum..
I would go see the dr and be honest. Maybe years of helping people with thier health problems has taken its toll . And now you have to have some help. One day when you are old and grey and your body is ready to go, you and the drs will know. And then we lay down and fade away. But that day is far in the future. Maybe 50 years. Please let someone trained help you at the dr.
Now here are some things that help me daily. I start every morning with the Wim Hof guided breathing exercises free on you tube. The beginner round. When you can do it do it twice back to back. When you can do that, move up to the 5 round advanced. It really calms and energizes at the same time. If you can force yourself, get 40 minutes of cardio exercise daily.
And here is the one you think is wacky but it really helps. Subject yourself to cold water. It releases chemicals in the brain and body. You can take a 5 minute cold shower or bath. You can go on a cold lake or ocean etc. You can get a big bowl of cold water and put your face and head in it a few times in a row. 55-60 degrees is a good temperature for head . Then put more ice in and put both hands in 32-40 degrees water for 5 minutes. Then your feet same thing. Spend time with loved ones family etc. It’s time to take care of you. Maybe you can transfer to a different department in your work? You got this !
Life is hard, full of trials and struggles. I am glad you have shared your feelings, it really important to do so.
I have also been through many things - teen pregnancy, marriage, divorce, depression. If it was for the gospel of Jesus Christ and having faith in his Word and promises, I would find it hard to navigate in this world along. He gives me the strength i need to face trials and fills me with hope that one day I will be in His presence where there will no longer be any pain and suffering, but pure bliss!
I would suggest some counseling to help you navigate through your feelings and loss. Here is a contact for a free session with a licensed counselor, I encourage you to reach out - 855-382-5433.
I hope that you can find that peace that transcends all understanding. Blessings.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Life can be so difficult. I feel much like you do. Two weeks ago I lost my 14-year-old dog and best friend. Two weeks before that I lost my cat. So much loss and pain. Just know you are not alone. Life is hard. Hoping that after this life, things will be so much better. I hold onto that thought.
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xx
So much pain. What did I do to deserve this. I'm treading water and sinking.
September is Suicide Awareness Month
Finally got a new job! 
Things seem to be looking up for me!!!!🙂
I'm Broken I Surrender...
