Break ups

[ally_99]

Me and my ex just broke up a few hours ago in person and honestly Idk how to feel about it bc we’ve had a complicated but good relationship. We’re taking this time to focus on ourselves I guess. But there’s one problem.. he has feelings for this other girl, but he’s is confused as to who he likes more idk.. I’m tired of feeling like I’m not good enough but I love this guy with all of my heart and we’ve been through too much to just let it go again. Idk what to do honestly.. ik he’ll come back or that we’ll fix things whether it’s after a few days or however long, but I don’t want to be without him. I don’t want to be dramatic, but who has read my posts knows about my suicidal thoughts and I don’t have them rn bc my mind is completely blank, but I keep thinking of being in a hospital bed dying.. idk if I want his attention or that my mind is telling me something. I’m just sooooo confused and lost.. I really want to cry but I can’t.... like why does he always do this I feel like complete ---

[dore13]

If you don't respect yourself, no one else will. You may love this man, but he is playing with you and this other women. He devalues you both by thinking he "pick" which one he wants to be with, like women are something you buy at a market. You also don't seem to realize, if you were so happy together, why would he cheat on you? If he built a new relationship with a another woman, he cheated on you, he doesn't respect your feelings. This is the type of narcissist that plays his little games and takes advantage of vulnerable trusting women. Save yourself the heartache, and move on. You deserve to be with a real man, an honest man, a man that will cherish you, not treat you like this. I think you already know this, but we don't always listen to logic when it comes to matters of the heart.

[ally_99 in reply to dore13]

I wish I could explain the story of everything. He didn’t cheat, he’s not that type of guy. This girl is an old friend and ik her. It’s a long but short story just kinda complicated to explain her. But anyways ik I should respect myself so then others like him can to.. he does respect me and all that. He’s been through hell even way before we met. His ex from hs did him badly when they broke up and she showed her true colors by not being there for him when he went through really tough times. Buttt umm I do already know about everything that you said, but I can’t picture myself with anyone else. Ik everything takes time and I’m willing to wait bc im tired and I don’t want to invest my time and effort and love into someone else. I’m glad me and him decided to be friends and we’re going to have a good friendship and see where it goes from there.. ik we’ll get back together it’s just we need time apart.

[dore13 in reply to ally_99]

Italians tend to believe what they see, not what is said. No matter what his past is, it gives no excuse to his behavior, it does not justify him to take advantage. I feel you are putting yourself in a very vulnerable position, and making your happiness dependent on one person. That is a treasonous road to walk. I wish you luck, but I have seen this "relationship" type before, and it tends to completely consume and destroy a person. I hope I am wrong, but no one can help a willing victim. You are giving control of your life, to this man, and where you go I cannot follow. Good luck.

[LUVATX]

Hi,

I know that feeling...."why am I not good enough? Why does he play these head games?, why can't he just commit?, why can't I let him go?, why can't he see my pain?," I've asked myself these questions for years. My therapist has been helping me to work through these questions. The answer I'm arriving at and fighting with is that "I need to fully love and accept myself so nobody can make me feel less than."

It's a struggle. I've gone from one relationship to another giving my all because I felt I had something to prove to not be stigmatized as a "mental case." So much so I allowed things that bothered me to happen just in the hopes of making my partner see that I can be cool and down about things. My advice to you although its hard, is to love yourself first. I'm doing that now... loving and living for me. The right person is out there for me and it will happen some day without the constant pull and push of someone who can't make up their minds and continue to string me along. I think for most of us who suffer from anxiety and depression, abandonment and feeling alone is tough to deal with or overcome. We have to do it though for our sanity and self worth. YOU ARE WORTH IT. Don't ever belittle your life for someone else. They think they have it going on, so MUST we. I just got rid of a friend of 20 years because he started messing with my head and wanted to date and have children, the whole shebang and once he realized I was not a size 2 anymore, he disappeared. His excuses were work, meetings, and getting together with friends. Everything and everyone was more important. I said goodbye to him and our friendship yesterday. It's hard but he cherishes himself and his options and I MUST do the same. I'm keeping you in my prayers and hoping you get strength through this difficult time.

[ally_99 in reply to LUVATX]

Thank youu ..

[chinadoll1374]

I'm really sorry that you are going through this. I know it really hurts now, but you will get through this and come out stronger. I was in your situation year ago and love this person with all my heart and soul. Unfortunately, he didn't love me like I loved him and without going into details, we went down a very destructive path. I was suicidal because I thought I could not live without him. We did eventually get back together but only for another 6 months where he completely destroyed my confidence and self-esteem. Still, I couldn't help myself and kept persuing him until my family intervened. I was in so much pain at the time. 20 years later, I can honestly tell you that us breaking up was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I learned the hard way that just because you love someone, it doesn't mean they are good for you. Don't worry about the time you have already invested in the relationship. Think about the time you may waste if you stick around. I hope that things improve for you soon. Take care.