First let me say I'm not seeking a reply, I use this forum as therapy to get my thoughts out, but if your reading and want to comment that is great to.
I've had my new prescription for almost a month I keep having a reason why it isn't the right time to start taking it, even though I know it will calm my mind. I have a job that busy and travel is required so switching meds makes me worry or concerned I'll have side effects. I have been on that medicine before and it has worked amazing and had only gone off of it because of pregnancy.
This week week I have felt short tempered and frustrated. I have been dwelling on symptoms I think I am feeling. Sometimes I don't know if I am really feeling them, feeling them because I'm starting to get anxious and don't know it or if something is actually wrong. My head is just not able to rationalize my thoughts right now. Its one thing after another with no calm unless I am sleeping.
So what am I dying of this week. 1) Brain Tumor. Why? Its not normal for me to have headaches but I have been getting dull headaches here and there on and off mostly behind my eyes almost feels like a strain sometimes going into temples. Than I have pain in my lower head mostly when I move. Muscular? Tension Headache? Eye Strain? NO it can't be LOL. I also have been moody with my husband - called marriage? And I have noticed floaters/moving spots. I notice them mostly if its bring out, if I'm going dark to bring, if I am driving towards the sun and turn onto a shaded road - probably something I have ALWAYS had and just notice. I know that its called like photoimagery or something like that and its literally the impression of the bright object, but for me it has to be a tumor. I am super concentrated on what my eyes are seeing, is that a spot, is that normal. OMG its exhausting. Not to mention I have double vision.....when I am laying down on my side falling asleep....ah who doesn't have this if their eyes cross. I know your reading this and are laughing. I would be too, if I wasn't convinced it was a tumor.
MS/Lou Gehrigs - I notice that I have a light tingle top of hand, sometimes in ring finger, sometimes on thumb. Yes, I type ALL DAY. Yes it could be carpel tunnel. My toes sometimes fall asleep depending on how I stand for no reason, NEVER MIND that I wear 4 inches a day and there are pressure points. Sometimes I feel like I am a little dizzy/airy. Who knows maybe its a anxiety thing, maybe its a tumor thing, maybe its a in my head thing.
I don't know, like my husband says its always something and my stress is going to kill me. Although he is patient he just doesn't get it so I don't talk about it unless I am so anxiety ridden I am ready to cry. Otherwise I stuff it, all day everyday which clearly makes it worse.
I do have great things in my life and do enjoy life. I have the most amazing little boy, I have a husband who I still adore after all these years, a beautiful house and a great job. Although I don't think it I am healthy. I am so blessed and need to shift my mindset to live. I need to take the pink pill and chill.